Month: January 2024

做一個多表情、姿勢的父母！
Be a parent with multiple expressions and poses!

撰文：GLP 全力愛創辦人兼義務總幹事 林何佩儀

 

孩子在 6 個多月大的時候牙牙學語，不停地發出聲音和單字，還喜歡玩有聲音的玩具。但他們在未學會說話前，其實已懂得用啼哭、聲音、面部表情、手勢或身體語言來與身邊的人溝通。事實上，幼兒是先學習以表情和手勢與人溝通，接著學習口語溝通，最後便學習以文字溝通。因此，準確認知他人的表情，有助於判斷他人的情緒和態度，從而影響孩子的認知能力發展、情緒及社交能力的發展。而父母的面部表情、動作和姿勢，往往都是最吸引孩子的。

 

孩子會對父母的表情和情緒，作出觀察和反應。例如溫柔的表情可使他們放心與你溝通、微笑能加強孩子表達的信心、當父母點頭示意則表示接納。透過這些發展，使幼兒逐漸了解、學會和關心人的情感。而表達情緒的身體部位各有不同，可以把表情分為面部表情、身段表情和語言表情三種。

 

要建立良好的親子溝通，家長有幾方面需要注意：

 

1. 當孩子還未能清楚看到父母的表情，建議可多用行動替代說話來回應，例如抱緊他、親親他、撥動他的頭髮，或者輕輕撫摸他的臉蛋，這些都是說話以外的另一種是語言溝通的重要方式。

Written: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion, Lam Ho Pui Yee

 

When a child is around 6 months old, they start babbling, constantly making sounds and single words. They also enjoy playing with toys that make sounds. However, even before they learn to speak, they already understand how to communicate with the people around them using crying, sounds, facial expressions, gestures, or body language. In fact, children first learn to communicate with people using facial expressions and gestures, then they learn verbal communication, and finally, they learn to communicate through text. Therefore, accurately recognizing other people’s facial expressions helps in assessing their emotions and attitudes, thus influencing a child’s cognitive development, emotional development, and social skills. Parents’ facial expressions, actions, and postures are often what children find most attractive.

 

Children observe and respond to their parents’ facial expressions and emotions. For example, a gentle expression can make them feel comfortable communicating with you, a smile can boost a child’s confidence in expressing themselves, and a nod from parents indicates acceptance. Through these developments, children gradually understand, learn, and care about people’s emotions. Different parts of the body express emotions in various ways, and expressions can be categorized into facial expressions, body expressions, and verbal expressions.

 

To establish good parent-child communication, parents need to pay attention to several aspects:

 

1．When children cannot clearly see their parents’ facial expressions, it is recommended to use actions as a substitute for speech responses. For example, hugging them tightly, giving them a kiss, gently stroking their hair, or gently touching their cheeks are all important non-verbal communication methods.

2. 父母若能落實在生活中，扮演一個有童心和多表情的父母，這樣孩子就能從父母的面部表情上，學會豐富的情感和表達技巧，將來必定一生受用不盡。

 

 

3. 不少親子相處型態是「不互動」— 雖然在一起，但沒有眼神接觸、對話、交換訊息或動作，更沒有分享情緒，因為大家都在看電視、電腦和手機，或各做各的事情。眼神接觸可訓練專注力，所以常用關心的眼神注視對方，聆聽對方分享，是良好的溝通條件之一。

2. If parents can embody a childlike and expressive role in their daily lives, children can learn a wealth of emotions and expressive skills from their parents’ facial expressions. This will undoubtedly benefit them throughout their lives.

 

 

3. Many parent-child interaction patterns involve “non-interaction” – even though they are together, there is no eye contact, conversation, message exchange, or actions, and there is no emotional sharing because everyone is watching TV, using the computer and phones, or doing their own things. Eye contact can train focus, so regularly gazing at each other with caring eyes and listening to each other’s sharing is one of the conditions for good communication.

4. 營造清靜簡單的環境，有助孩子集中精神，當他們清楚看到你的表情，才算得上是真正的全面溝通。所以，當溝通時適宜關掉發聲的物品，包括電視機、平板電腦，或拿走他心愛的玩具。

 

父母在孩子成長的路途上，願意給予無條件的愛和充足的溝通空間，讓孩子覺得被接受時，他們方能破繭而出。孩子都喜歡父母欣賞自己，所以鼓勵的效果往往比較大，無論眼神還是說話，都可以多用。

4. Creating a quiet and simple environment helps children concentrate. True and comprehensive communication happens when they can clearly see your facial expressions. Therefore, it’s appropriate to turn off sound-producing items like the TV, tablet, or take away their beloved toys during communication.


On the journey of a child’s growth, parents who are willing to provide unconditional love and ample communication space make children feel accepted, allowing them to break free from their cocoon. Children love it when their parents appreciate them, so encouragement often has a greater impact, whether through eye contact or speech; both can be used more frequently.

病咗唔食藥，等自己好返之後就有抗體？
Did not take medicine when sick,
waiting for the body to recover on its own and then develop antibodies?

資料來源：兒科專科醫生趙長成

 

小朋友生病時，部分家長會十分緊張，馬上帶小朋友看醫生或者餵藥。但亦有部分家長會覺得小朋友靜待一陣子就會自然痊癒。實際上，這說法某程度上是正確的，例如輕微的疾病如傷風、咳嗽那些，讓他靜待後會留下一些抗體，可以保護下次免受感染。但家長要注意並非所有疾病都適用。

 

如果一些菌是強勁的，靜待自然痊癒就會出事了，譬如肺炎鏈球菌或腦膜炎雙球菌，一旦感染後24小時內，10人中就有1位死亡。就算不至於死亡，也有1至2位可能也會終生殘廢，或併發後遺症。所以是否靜待自己痊癒，就要視乎那個病是輕微抑或嚴重。

Source：Pediatric Specialist Doctor, Chiu Cheung Shing

 

When children get sick, some parents may become very anxious and immediately take their child to the doctor or give them medicine. However, some parents believe that if they wait for a while, the child will naturally recover. In reality, this approach is somewhat correct to a certain extent. For mild illnesses like the common cold or cough, allowing the child to rest can help them develop some antibodies that can protect them from future infections. However, parents should be aware that not all illnesses can be treated this way.

 

For some strong bacteria, waiting for a natural recovery can be dangerous. For example, with bacteria like Streptococcus pneumoniae or Neisseria meningitidis, if you wait for natural recovery, there can be serious consequences. Within 24 hours of infection, 1 in 10 people may die. Even if death doesn’t occur, 1 to 2 individuals may end up with lifelong disabilities or complications. So whether you wait for natural recovery or not depends on whether the illness is mild or severe.

第二，就一些病而言，就算醫生能斷症，藥物的效果都未必那麼快發揮。如剛才提及的肺炎鏈球菌，有時也有抗藥性，所以都是母親說的那句「病向淺中醫」，醫生就不一定給予藥物，最重要看就是你有否出現併發症，有否一些潛危機。

 

反而吃藥就是徵狀治療，這裡未必是最重要的，是否靜待自己痊癒，就是看你是否幸運。如果只是輕微的疾病，你靜待自己痊癒是沒問題的，但如果是嚴重的疾病，就可能會帶來遺憾。所以在醫生立場，則永遠認為謹慎一點較好，即是生命永遠不要用來作賭博。

Secondly, in the case of some illnesses, even if a doctor can diagnose the condition, the effects of medication may not necessarily be immediate. As mentioned earlier, with bacteria like Streptococcus pneumoniae, there can sometimes be antibiotic resistance. That’s why there’s a saying that “diseases are shallow in Chinese medicine.” Doctors may not always prescribe medication; what’s most important is whether you develop complications or have any hidden risks.


On the other hand, taking medication is symptom management, which may not always be the most critical factor. Whether you wait for natural recovery depends on your luck. If it’s just a mild illness, waiting for natural recovery is fine, but if it’s a severe illness, it could lead to regrets. So from a doctor’s perspective, it’s always better to be cautious, meaning that life should never be used as a gamble.

Categories
Parents Zone

孩子不願上學的原因和方法
The reasons for a child’s reluctance to go to school

資料來源：精神科專科醫生梁婉珊

 

在數個月前，一位女孩子開始不願上學，最初只是不願上學而已，但過了數個星期後她便躲在房間裡，飲食和睡覺都出現了問題，之後更變得很煩躁，有一些負面思想，甚至不能呼吸、呼吸不順以及開始有些緊張，晚上又不睡覺，又要媽媽陪她，但她的媽媽都要上班，不能處理便來求診。孩子不願上學令很多家長都感到很焦急，因為不上課一兩天仍可接受，但一至兩個月不上學便開始跟不上，而且亦沒有參與考試，可能會留班，所以這是很多家長感到很頭痛的問題。

 

其實不上學只是一個表癥，最重要是要了解背後的原因。這個是真的需要深入了解，一般不上學是可以分幾個原因的，可能是社交出現問題、被欺凌，也可能是他本來就很害羞，其他人都不理睬他，令他難以接受。但亦可能是因為學業問題，又或是有專注力不足的問題。另外他可能被焦慮或抑鬱症問題困擾著，有些個案可能過了數年也沒人發現。

 

若沒有及時處理以上問題，到了最後便爆發起來，他真的受不了便不願意上學。小朋友不願上學，亦有可能是家中的原因、家庭的關係或Family Dynamics (家庭動力)產生了變化，令他用不願上學來引起家長注意。

Source:  Psychiatrist, Dr. Leung Yuen Shan

 

Several months ago, a girl began refusing to go to school. Initially, it was just a reluctance to attend school, but after a few weeks, she started hiding in her room, experiencing issues with eating and sleeping. Later on, she became very irritable, had negative thoughts, and even had difficulty breathing, shortness of breath, and started feeling anxious. She also couldn’t sleep at night and wanted her mom to be with her, but her mother had to work and couldn’t stay with her, so she sought medical advice. A child’s refusal to attend school is causing a lot of anxiety for many parents. Skipping school for a day or two may be acceptable, but not attending for one to two months can result in falling behind in studies, and the child may miss exams, potentially leading to grade retention. This is a problem that many parents find distressing.

 

In fact, not attending school is just a symptom, and the most important thing is to understand the underlying reasons. There can be several reasons for not attending school, such as social issues, bullying, shyness, academic problems, or attention deficit problems. Additionally, anxiety and depression could be bothering the child, and in some cases, it may go unnoticed for years.

 

If these issues are not addressed in a timely manner, they can build up, and the child may eventually become unable to cope and refuse to go to school. A child’s reluctance to attend school can also be linked to family issues, changes in family dynamics, or changes in the home environment as a way to seek attention.”

這幾種原因都有機會引致他不上學，我們最重要是不要馬上跳到總結，下一個結論。若家長直指是他懶惰，不願面對、想逃避，所以才不願上學，這樣小朋友會有更大的壓力。反而我們要用同理心的角度，協助小孩慢慢拆解，但很多時候難度就是他們未必願意說出口，因為他們自己也未必知道原因。你問他，他又不會說出來，或者他會回答你說不知道，令家長便很難處理。家長不要這樣就放棄，也不要用一個批評的方式。

 

家長千萬不要過分強迫他，盡量用朋友方式的態度和他傾談，引導他說出背後的原因，他面對的難題是在哪個範疇。因為當你掌握這件事的資訊是非常重要，你強迫他，他便會關起來，甚麼也不跟你說，之後會更加難處理。因為我也遇過很多個案，你強迫他，試過怎樣都要拉他上學，之後真的帶他到學校去，其後孩子便責怪父母為何要拉他上學，令他之後這麼害怕。

 

首先我們不要做一些很激烈的動去強迫他，嘗試了解他背後的原因。如果他開始逐漸願意說話，那就是一個good sign（好的訊號）。但如果覺得力不從心，好像打不開他的口，但他真的愈來愈抗拒上學，那時候我們建議你尋求專業人士的協助，協助你找出問題的原因。

These various reasons could all lead to him not going to school. The most important thing for us is not to jump to conclusions and the next judgment. If parents point out directly that he is lazy, unwilling to face, and wants to avoid going to school, it will only put more pressure on the child. Instead, we should approach it with empathy and help the child gradually break down the issue. Many times, the difficulty lies in the fact that they may not be willing to speak out because they may not even know the reasons themselves. When you ask him, he won’t say, or he may answer that he doesn’t know, which can be challenging for parents. Parents should not give up in this situation, and they should not use a critical approach.


Parents must not excessively force him. Try to have a conversation with him in a friendly manner and guide him to reveal the underlying reasons and the specific challenges he faces. Because it is crucial to have this information, if you force him, he will shut down and not communicate with you, making it even more challenging later on. I’ve encountered many cases where parents tried everything to get their child to school, and when they finally did, the child blamed their parents for forcing them to go to school, which made them even more afraid later.


First, we should avoid using intense actions to force him and try to understand the reasons behind his behavior. If he starts to gradually open up and talk, that’s a good sign. But if you feel that it’s too difficult to get through to him, and he’s becoming increasingly resistant to going to school, that’s when we recommend seeking professional help to identify the root causes of the problem.

幼稚園快樂 小學呢？
Happy kindergarten, how about elementary school?

撰文：八爪魚家長梁永樂先生

 

聽過不少家長訴說，幼稚園三年之中，最大陰影就是升小，到底要為孩子做多少﹖要不要安排面試班，要不要惡補英文或禮貌（沒有寫錯，坊間真的有訓練班惡補禮貌）。或者十八般武藝之中，要有十六般武藝就夠嗎﹖還是要學習冷門的技能，務求突圍而出呢，例如學習魔術、雜技一類。家長與小孩都忙記了享受快樂的親子時間，尤其當一切活動都有目的時，心態亦隨之而改變，孩子可能對興趣班已不再感興趣。

 

父母擔心選擇心儀小學  製作履歷表

尤其 K3 學生踏入 6 月的「報校旺季」，家長與孩子面對抉擇，要報 10 間還是 8 間小學，作為爸爸，你很希望只報讀一至兩間心儀小學，但你會否擔當得起「阿仔無書讀」的責任呢？

Written by: Octopus parent, Mr. Leung Wing Lok.

 

I’ve heard many parents share their experiences, and within the three years of kindergarten, the biggest concern is the transition to elementary school. How much should be done for the child? Should interview classes be arranged? Should extra English lessons or etiquette coaching (not a typo, there are actually training classes for etiquette) be arranged? Among the myriad of skills, is having sixteen talents out of eighteen enough? Or should the child learn niche skills to stand out, like magic tricks or acrobatics? Both parents and children are busy enjoying quality bonding time, especially when every activity has a purpose. As a result, attitudes change, and the child might lose interest in extracurricular classes.

 

Parents worry about selecting the preferred elementary school and creating resumes.

Especially for K.3 students entering the “peak school application season” in June, parents and children face the decision of whether to apply to 10 or 8 elementary schools. As a father, you may hope to only apply to one or two preferred elementary schools, but can you bear the responsibility of “not providing enough education” for your child?

另一難題肯定是製作履歷表，到底要有多精美呢﹖不少學校都表明最多只收 4 頁紙，但眼見其他家長為孩子撰寫的「工作報告」厚如招股書、精美程度直逼蘋果電腦的簡介書。你望一望孩子，不見得他特別醒，也不是超級「靚仔」，你夠膽只做 4 頁履歷表嗎﹖

 

「升小」與「做人」的抉擇

最矜貴的不是「學術表現」有多佳，而是學會與人相處、禮貌，當然我最感激是老師特別指導我的兒子「要愛爸爸，爸爸努力工作」，令我在孩子心目中由「成日唔見的人」，而變成「珍惜見到的人」。這些教育對於升小，未必有幫助，但這是親子之間一生一世珍而重之的價值。

 

回想一下，幼稚園專門培育你的孩子「升小」，還是「做人」，同樣問題，身為家長的你，教育孩子是目的只為「升小」嗎？

Another challenge is undoubtedly creating the resume, how elaborate should it be? Many schools explicitly state that they accept a maximum of only 4 pages, but you see other parents’ “work reports” for their children that are as thick as prospectuses, with an exquisite level of presentation rivaling Apple’s brochures. You glance at your child, he might not stand out particularly, nor is he an incredibly handsome “lad.” Do you have the courage to limit the resume to just 4 pages?


The choice between “entering elementary school” and “becoming a person.”

What’s most precious isn’t how outstanding the “academic performance” is, but rather the ability to interact with others, to be polite. Of course, what I’m most grateful for is when the teacher specifically instructed my son to “love Daddy, Daddy works hard,” transforming me in my child’s eyes from a “rarely seen person” to a “cherished person to meet.” These teachings might not necessarily aid in entering elementary school, but they hold everlasting value in the parent-child relationship.


Reflecting back, did kindergarten primarily cultivate your child for “entering elementary school,” or for “becoming a person”? Facing the same question, as a parent, is your goal of educating your child solely for the purpose of “entering elementary school”?

易地而處 幸福婚姻保鮮法
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Fresh-Keeping Method for a Happy Marriage.

撰文 : CEO親子教室創辦人及資深心理輔導員梁紅玉女士



有位太太說：「妳真令人羨慕，妳的丈夫都怕了妳！」她的朋友聽到她這一番話後，便向她說笑：「妳想丈夫怕妳，只要妳扮鬼嚇他，不就可以了嗎？但是否要扮鬼嚇他，讓他怕妳呢？妳會覺得婚姻會因此變得幸福嗎？」



首先，我們要明白怎樣才是「幸福的婚姻」。婚姻不獨只有自己 happy，幸福的婚姻需要有三大要素：能彼此包容、能有親密關係、能和諧共處。


 

夫妻多考慮自我　阻礙溝通


筆者面對很多夫婦來求助時，透過檢視婚姻狀況的過程，找出當中的問題，發現大多的夫妻無法勝過「自我」，又或者是個人品格所引起的問題，因而阻礙了彼此的溝通。大多數的女士表示，對丈夫「安全感」不足；而男士方面，卻表示得不到妻子「尊重」的感覺。

Written by: Founder of Parent-Child Classroom and Senior Psychological Counselor, Ms. Leung Hung Yuk

 

A lady said, “You’re truly enviable – your husband is even afraid of you!” Upon hearing this remark from her friend, she playfully responded, “If you want your husband to fear you, just pretend to be a ghost and scare him, wouldn’t that work? But do you really want to scare him like that, making him afraid of you? Do you think the marriage will become happy because of that?”

 

Firstly, we need to understand what makes a “happy marriage.” A marriage isn’t solely about individual happiness; a happy marriage requires three key elements: mutual acceptance, intimacy, and harmonious coexistence.

 

Couples’ Self-Consideration Hinders Communication

When faced with many couples seeking assistance, I find that through examining the state of their marriage and identifying the underlying issues, most couples struggle with their own “self.” Personal traits can also contribute to problems that obstruct communication. Many women express that their husbands lack a sense of “security,” while on the other hand, men often feel they are not receiving the “respect” they deserve from their wives.

其實，一段婚姻是否幸福，與二人的感受反應和行為回饋有密切關係。因為二人各自被許多已有的信念、思想主導和影響著。當進入婚姻中，必需先調整個人的心態和信念，才能以正面的態度，處理婚姻中各種大小問題。

 

多考慮對方處境　反省自己

有一次，筆者在外工作回港，因時間已很晚，打算隨意找一間餐廳用膳就算了，但丈夫與兒子走了數間餐館仍未有所決定。筆者於是向丈夫表示不滿，當他看到筆者面色一沉，自然他也以沉默對抗，結果整頓晚飯，大家都是各自沉默地各自吃，當時心感丈夫的氣度亦未免太小，於是心感不平，氣難下。

 

翌日起床後，筆者再安靜反思，丈夫的需要是甚麼呢？其實近來他工作壓力也不少，令包容及忍耐力也弱了，當面對太太不領情的回應，自然難受。於是筆者當下向丈夫發了一個電郵，對他表達關懷。

 

在婚姻裡，又有哪一對夫妻從來沒有衝突過呢？夫妻之間有問題並不重要，但如何處理問題才是最重要。當你願意內省及願意去檢視自己時，過往目中只有「我的感受」，原來將「自我的感受」縮細時，你會看到周圍及對方的需要。

In fact, the happiness of a marriage is closely related to the feelings, reactions, and behavioral feedback of the two individuals involved. This is due to the fact that both people’s existing beliefs and thoughts have an impact. When entering into marriage, it’s necessary to adjust one’s mindset and beliefs first in order to approach various issues in the marriage with a positive attitude.

 

Considering Each Other’s Situations and Reflecting on Oneself

Once, while I was working outside and returned home late, I intended to just find any restaurant to have a meal due to the late hour. However, my husband and son had visited several restaurants and still hadn’t made a decision. I expressed my displeasure to my husband, and when he saw my expression turn sour, he naturally responded with silence in return. As a result, during that dinner, we all ate silently on our own. I felt my husband’s reaction was somewhat petty, which left me feeling unsatisfied and irritated.

 

The next morning, upon reflection, I pondered on my husband’s perspective. What did he need in that situation? Lately, he had been under a lot of work stress, which had worn down his patience and tolerance. Faced with my unresponsive reaction, he naturally felt uncomfortable. So, I decided to send him an email expressing my concern.

 

In a marriage, which couple has never had conflicts? The existence of problems between spouses is not important; what truly matters is how you handle those problems. When you’re willing to introspect and examine yourself, and when you expand beyond your own feelings, you’ll discover the needs of those around you and your partner.

幸福婚姻保鮮法就是「你」「我」都 happy。當你願意包容對方的弱點時，正面地接納配偶，自然拉近彼此距離，婚姻的承載能力自然增強。

 

討論：你可以分享與配偶相處的心得嗎？

The “Fresh-Keeping Method for a Happy Marriage” is about both “you” and “me” being happy. When you’re willing to embrace your partner’s weaknesses and positively accept your spouse, it naturally brings you closer and enhances the resilience of the marriage.

 

Discussion: Could you share your experiences in dealing with your spouse?

幼稚園上／下午班，應該怎樣選擇？
How should I choose between morning and afternoon kindergarten classes?

資料來源：註冊教育心理學家彭智華

 

家長即使未到十居其九，也有十居其七八也想孩子讀上午班。孩子和家長一起起床，一起出門上班上學，也可以午睡，學習比較好。基本上，大家對讀上午班的期待會高一點，但是會遇到甚麼問題呢？

 

但是幼兒，特別是K1或N1的小朋友的睡眠時間可能多一些。因此，早上起床時可能產生不少情緒問題。在這情況下，家長即使不情願，也應讓孩子讀下午班。不是因為你申請不到上午班的學位，而是刻意申請讀下午班，原因是甚麼呢？

 

原來夫婦二人很晚下班，可能7時後才回家，然後跟小朋友玩到12時。親子時間是很寶貴的，你覺得學習時間重要，還是親子時間重要？第二天早上可以睡到11時，其實跟午睡沒有分別。因為由晚上12時睡到早上10時，足足10個小時。換句話說，就算沒有午睡，也可以有足夠的睡眠質素，還有充足的親子時間。

Source : Registered Educational Psychologist, Pang Chi Wah

 

Even if approximately seven to eight out of ten parents prefer morning classes for their children, some may still opt for afternoon classes. When children wake up and leave for school together with their parents, they can take naps, which may lead to better learning. Generally, there are higher expectations for children attending morning classes, but what issues might they encounter?

 

However, young children, especially those in K1 or N1, may have longer sleep times. Therefore, they may experience emotional issues when getting up in the morning. In such cases, parents should choose afternoon classes for their children, even if they are reluctant. It’s not because you couldn’t secure a spot in the morning class but rather a deliberate choice.

 

The reason for this choice might be that both parents finish work very late, possibly returning home after 7 p.m., and then spend time with their child until midnight. Quality family time is precious. Do you value study time more or family time more? Sleeping until 11 a.m. the next day is not much different from taking an afternoon nap, as it amounts to a full 10 hours of sleep from midnight to 10 a.m. In other words, even without an afternoon nap, there is enough sleep quality and sufficient family time.

如果申請入讀上午班，而孩子又不願起床，將來就要循序漸進地適應。可能由10時起床，慢慢到9時半、9時、8時半，還有叫他起床時是有數個技巧的。曾經有一個個案，叫他起床時不是叫醒他的腦袋，而是叫醒身體，包括按摩腳部、叫醒腳部、叫醒肚子、叫醒背部，然後叫醒手腳。再加上充足的光線，拉開窗簾，再開電視機，然後加上早餐的氣味，最後才叫醒他。如果有喜愛食物的氣味，香噴噴的話會更容易令孩子起床。

If you’ve applied for morning classes and your child is unwilling to wake up early, they will need to gradually adapt. This adaptation can begin with waking up at 10 a.m. and gradually moving to 9:30 a.m., 9 a.m., and 8:30 a.m. There are also several techniques for waking them up. For instance, there was a case where instead of waking up their head, they woke up the body. This involved massaging the feet, waking up the feet, waking up the abdomen, waking up the back, and then waking up the hands and feet. In addition, providing ample light by pulling back the curtains, turning on the TV, and introducing the smell of breakfast can help. If there’s a favorite food aroma, it’s even easier to get the child out of bed when it smells delicious.

家長要有兩手準備，一方面不要必然覺得上午班才是好，另一方面如果因為某些原因要讀上午班，起床的時間加多些循序漸進的步驟，以及多感官的刺激，令他最後才是以意志醒來。因為最擔心他的意志醒來，但身體未同步，就會非常辛苦了。

Parents should be prepared on both fronts. On one hand, they shouldn’t automatically assume that morning classes are the only good option. On the other hand, if for certain reasons, they choose morning classes, they should add more gradual steps to the waking-up process and provide multi-sensory stimulation to help the child wake up through their willpower. This is because the concern is that if their willpower wakes up but their body isn’t synchronized, it can be very challenging.

為人父母壓力大 焦慮要及時處理
Being a parent can be stressful; it’s important to manage anxiety promptly

資料來源：精神科專科醫生黃俊賢

 

作為父母，既要面對工作，亦要照顧家庭。在巨大的壓力下，很容易出現焦慮。焦慮是與生俱來的正常反應，當我們生命受到威脅時，適當的焦慮可以保障我們人身安全。不過如果過度擔心，身體可能會出現一些不適的反應，例如心跳加速、胃痛、肌肉繃緊、呼吸急速、頭痛、手震、出汗或經常上廁所等。如果沒有及時處理，可以引致更嚴重的情緒問題，亦會影響家庭關係。

 

以下有三種方法可以減少焦慮症狀，首先是呼吸放鬆練習，使用腹式呼吸。用鼻慢慢地吸氣，持續4秒，腹部要漲起，維持2秒，再用嘴慢慢地呼氣，持續4秒，然後暫停2秒後，重複整個過程5至10次。

Source: Psychiatrist Dr. Wong Chun Yin

 

As parents, we have to juggle work and family responsibilities. Under significant stress, it’s easy to experience anxiety. Anxiety is a natural, built-in response, and it can protect us when our lives are threatened. However, excessive worry can lead to physical discomforts like a racing heart, stomachaches, muscle tension, rapid breathing, headaches, trembling hands, sweating, or frequent urination. If not addressed in a timely manner, it can lead to more serious emotional issues and can also affect family relationships.

 

Here are three ways to reduce anxiety symptoms. First is practicing relaxation through deep breathing, using diaphragmatic breathing. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4, letting your abdomen rise for 2 seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 4. Pause for 2 seconds and repeat this process 5 to 10 times.

第二是肌肉放鬆練習，在一個舒服的地方坐下或躺下，輕輕地閉起雙眼，全身肌肉放鬆，先把注意力轉移到雙腳，收緊腳部肌肉10秒，然後放鬆。然後按順序逐一收緊，放鬆身驅、雙手、頸部和面部肌肉。

 

最後是影像放鬆練習。在一個安靜的地方閉起雙眼，然後想像一個舒適的場，想像看到、聽到、聞到、觸摸到的感覺，探索5至10分鐘。然後再逐漸回到現實世界。

 

另外，平時亦應該培養正面的思考模式。任何時候都嘗試看看好的一面，而非整天想著不開心的事情，可以令患上情緒病的機會減少。

The second method is muscle relaxation exercises. Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down, gently close your eyes, and relax all your muscles. Start by shifting your focus to your feet, tense the muscles in your feet for 10 seconds, and then release. Proceed sequentially, tensing and relaxing the muscles in your legs, arms, neck, and facial muscles.

 

Lastly, there is imagery relaxation practice. In a quiet place, close your eyes and imagine a comfortable setting, visualizing what you see, hear, smell, and feel for 5 to 10 minutes. Gradually return to the present reality.

 

Additionally, it’s important to cultivate a positive thinking pattern in your daily life. Try to see the bright side of things at all times rather than dwelling on unhappy thoughts constantly, which can reduce the chances of developing mood disorders.

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日常生活用眼多 大人小朋友同做眼睛操
Everyday life is full of eye use.
Adults and children do eye exercises together .

資料來源：趙仕祥中醫師

 

現在的小朋友很多時候都會看電腦、電話或讀書也十分用神，這樣會很傷害眼睛，有一些穴位按摩能幫助小朋友舒緩眼睛。

 

第一個介紹的穴位是攢竹穴，在兩條眼眉的最前端，向下大約半吋的位置，大約是眼眶最角的位置。另一個穴位就叫睛明穴，在兩隻眼睛中間鼻樑位置的旁邊，就是兩隻眼的前端。第三個穴位是四白穴，在眼下面大約1吋左右，大約是兩隻手指位隔著的地方。它就在顴骨位前邊，我們摸的時候，在眼下的地方會有少許凹陷，這個就是四白穴。最後一個穴位是絲竹空穴位，在眼眉最端的位置。這四個穴位都可以幫助得到疏風清熱和明目。

 

我們知道穴位位置後，要怎樣按摩眼部呢？

 

首先第一個穴位，我們就會用攢竹穴。我們就會用四隻手指按住眼眉，然後用姆指按住攢竹穴。攢竹穴就在眼眉最前端的位置，然後在眼眶角的凹陷處。我們按住他，兩隻手指，互相正反方向轉64下。

 

第二個穴位就是睛明穴，在眼頭前面這個位置和鼻樑之間。我們將兩隻手指輕輕捏著鼻樑，然後我們可以向下向上地慢慢按摩，同樣做64下。

Source : Chinese Medicine Practitioner, Chiu Shi Cheung

 

Many children today spend a lot of time looking at computers, phones, or reading, which can strain their eyes. There are some acupoint massages that can help children relieve eye strain.

 

The first acupoint we’ll introduce is the “Zan Chuk” point. It’s located at the very front end of the eyebrows, about half an inch downward, at the corner of the eye socket. Another acupoint is called the “Jing Ming” point. It’s located at the side of the nasal bridge, right in the middle between the two eyes, near the inner edge of each eye. The third point is the “Si Pak” point, which is about 1 inch below the eyes, roughly the width of two fingers apart. It’s in front of the cheekbone, and when you touch it, there should be a slight depression just below the eyes; this is the “Si Pak” point. The last acupoint is the “Shi Chuk Hung” point, located at the very end of the eyebrow. All four of these points can help with dispersing wind, clearing heat, and improving vision.

 

Once we know the locations of these acupoints, how do we massage the eye area?

 

First, let’s start with the first point, the “Zan Chuk” point. You’ll use your four fingers to hold down the eyebrows, and then use your thumb to press on the “Zan Chuk” point. The “Zan Chuk” point is right at the very front end of the eyebrows, in the depression at the corner of the eye socket. Hold it with your four fingers and your thumb, and gently rotate 64 times in opposite directions.

 

The second acupoint is called “Jing Ming” Point, located in the area in front of the inner corner of the eye, between the eyebrow and the bridge of the nose. We use two fingers to gently pinch the bridge of the nose and then slowly massage it up and down, repeating this motion 64 times.

第三個穴位是四白穴，在我們臉上顴骨內邊的這個平面，其實實際觸摸內裡面其實是一個凹陷位。我們用兩隻手指隔著鼻樑，便可以摸到這個穴位，輕輕按裡面，你會感覺到酸軟。按著之後，亦都可以轉64下。


第四個穴位便是絲竹空穴，我們可用兩隻姆指先按住兩邊的太陽穴，然後我們由攢竹穴開始，從上邊掃至絲竹空穴，然後再跟著在攢竹穴下邊、眼的下邊，掃至絲竹空穴，這樣為之1次，同樣做64下。


這樣按摩了這四個穴位後，可以消除眼睛疲勞外，還可以幫助眼睛的血氣循環，可以預防近視等眼疾。當我們做眼睛操時，記得是全程閉起雙眼，然後做完眼睛操後，還要閉起雙眼休息2至5分鐘。每一個穴位我們是大約按64下，為何要按64下？因為在中醫角度八八六十四，我們稱為是八八之首。

The third acupoint is called “Si Pak” Point. It is located on the inner edge of the cheekbone on our face. In fact, when you touch it, you’ll feel a slight depression. Using two fingers, place them on either side of the bridge of the nose, and you will be able to locate this point. Gently press inside, and you will feel a slight soreness. After locating it, you can also rotate the pressure 64 times.

 

The fourth acupoint is Shi Chuk Hung Point. To locate it, use your thumbs to first press on both sides of the temples. Then, starting from the Shi Chuk Hung Point, sweep upward to the Shi Chuk Hung Point again, and then continue downward, below the eyes, to the Shi Chuk Hung Point. This constitutes one cycle, and repeat this motion 64 times.

 

By massaging these four acupoints, you can not only relieve eye fatigue but also improve the blood circulation around the eyes and prevent eye conditions such as nearsightedness. When we do eye exercises, remember to keep our eyes closed throughout the entire process. After completing the eye exercises, it’s also important to keep your eyes closed for 2 to 5 minutes. We typically press each acupoint for 64 times. Why 64 times? It’s because, from the perspective of Traditional Chinese Medicine “eighty-eight sixty-four“, we call it the “first of eight eights” meaning the most important.

小朋友不願意自己睡覺，又或半夜醒來找爸媽，如何是好？
How to deal with young children who are unwilling to sleep on their own
and wake up in the middle of the night looking for their parents?

資料來源：註冊臨床心理學家饒方莉

 

很多家長晚上睡覺的時候都很頭痛的，因為小朋友不是不肯睡覺，就是一定要家長陪伴他們睡覺，甚至到了深夜起來的時候一定要去找家長，如果不是就會哭鬧不願睡。面對小朋友一些睡覺的問題，我們有甚麼方法可以幫到小朋友學習睡得更加好或自行入睡呢？

 

首先家長要明白小朋友睡得不好或不肯入睡，是一個惡性循環，就是過分依賴家長安撫。這個惡性循環，即是要家長在身邊拍他、抱他、呵他，小朋友才會產生睡意。而家長陪伴他、安撫他的行為成為了一個先決條件，而沒了這個先決條件，小朋友到了深夜的時候就會驚醒，必需要找回家長。

 

所以我們要幫助小朋友學會自我調節 (Self-Soothing)或讓孩子學習自行入睡，這個方法是很重要。研究指出，三個月大的嬰兒大概會慢慢開始培養一種自我調節Self-sooth的能力。而大概到九個月的嬰兒，其實有50至80%的嬰兒都能夠一覺睡到天光，所以家長必需相信小朋友是有這個能力，幫他自己進行自我調節，可以自行入睡。

 

但我們要幫助他培養的，我們要先建立一個睡前的常規，包括睡房。最好是一個全黑的環境，因為全黑的環境就可以產生褪黑色素 ，是我們腦部的一種物質幫助我們產生睡意，及可以加速我們睡眠。第二， 是我們嘗試給小朋友建立一個睡前一定會做的指定動作，可以是哄他睡覺、唱歌、按摩又或是說故事，但只有一個指定動作，你可和小朋友討論是甚麼指定動作，他會想做的。每晚在那個時間，我們就做這個指定動作，接著便關燈睡覺去。這個指定動作就會令小朋友腦部開始知道差不多要睡覺了。

Source : Registered Clinical Psychologist, Yiu Fong Lee

 

Many parents experience headaches when their children have trouble sleeping at night. This could be because the children either refuse to sleep or insist on having their parents with them while they sleep. Some children even wake up in the middle of the night and cry unless they find their parents. What methods can help children learn to sleep better or fall asleep on their own?

 

First, parents need to understand that a child’s poor sleep habits or refusal to sleep can create a vicious cycle of excessive dependence on parental comfort. In this cycle, children require things like being patted, held, or soothed by their parents in order to feel sleepy. Parental presence and soothing become prerequisites for their sleep, and without these conditions, children may wake up in the middle of the night and seek their parents.

 

Therefore, it’s important to help children learn self-soothing techniques or to teach them how to fall asleep independently. Research indicates that around three-month-old infants gradually begin to develop the ability to self-soothe. By about nine months of age, 50 to 80% of infants can sleep through the night. Parents should have confidence in their child’s ability to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own, and they can assist in this process.

 

However, what we need to help them develop is to establish a bedtime routine, including the bedroom environment. It’s best to have a completely dark room because darkness stimulates the production of melatonin, a substance in our brain that helps us feel sleepy and speeds up our sleep. Secondly, we should try to establish a specific bedtime ritual for the child, which could involve cuddling them to sleep, singing, giving a massage, or telling a story – but it should be just one designated activity. You can discuss with the child what this designated activity should be, something they would enjoy. Every night at that time, we perform this designated activity, then turn off the lights and go to sleep. This designated activity will signal to the child’s brain that it’s almost time to sleep.

第三，要記得藍光對小朋友有很多影響。藍光會擾亂我們腦內褪黑色素的分泌，而這會影響睡眠，令到我們失眠或影響睡眠質素。所以家長記著在睡房裡絕對不可以有電子產品，以及在睡前的1個小時不可以讓小朋友使用任何電子產品，這樣都可以幫助小朋友睡覺。

Thirdly, it’s important to remember that blue light can have a significant impact on children. Blue light can disrupt the secretion of melatonin in our brains, which can affect sleep and lead to insomnia or poor sleep quality. Therefore, parents should ensure that there are absolutely no electronic devices in the bedroom, and children should not be allowed to use any electronic devices in the hour leading up to bedtime. This can help children sleep better.

第四個方法是有限度安撫（Control Comforting）。這個方法就是我們會給予一些安撫小朋友，可以隨著他們的年紀，安撫的時間會慢慢縮短。例如和小朋友談天，我陪你5分鐘，然後媽媽便會出去。5分鐘後可以和小朋友說：「媽媽現在出去，一會兒可能隔5分鐘後，再回來看你。如果你可以幫自己閉眼安靜在這裡，嘗試一下自行入睡，媽媽便會親你一下。」然後，將出房間的時間慢慢增加，可能5分鐘、10分鐘、15分鐘，讓小朋友在房裡面單獨慢慢學習，培養自行入睡和self-sooth 自我調整的能力。

 

如果到了深夜時小朋友醒了找家長的時候，我們應該怎樣處理？其實是同樣的原則就是陪小朋友一會兒，然後鼓勵他自行入睡。如果可以的話，將時間一直延長，直至他可以自行入睡。

The fourth method is controlled comforting. This method involves providing comfort to the child but gradually reducing the comforting time as they grow older. For example, you can engage in a conversation with the child, saying, “I’ll stay with you for 5 minutes, and then Mommy will leave. After 5 minutes, I’ll come back to check on you. If you can try to close your eyes and stay quiet here, Mommy will give you a kiss.” Then, slowly increase the time before leaving the room, maybe 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or 15 minutes, allowing the child to gradually learn to fall asleep on their own and develop self-soothing abilities.


What should we do if the child wakes up in the middle of the night and seeks their parents’ presence? The same principle applies here: stay with the child for a while and then encourage them to fall asleep independently. If possible, keep extending the time until they can fall asleep on their own.

為何孩子在家裡、學校兩個樣？
Children are two different beings at home and school

撰文：香港家庭教育學院主席司徒永富博士

 

有教師問筆者：「不少家長都問我有關升學、管教孩子的意見，其實我初出茅廬，人生經驗尚淺，要面對複雜的政策、養兒育女問題，常感到力不從心，應如何是好呢？ 」

 

在每個學期，學校總安排一至兩次的機會，讓家長與老師見面，討論小朋友在學校的表現。筆者身為父親，一定爭取與太太一同出席，而每次短聚後，兒子總愛追問和想知道我們與老師討論了甚麼有關他的事情。最近一次，老師提及兒子在校還是比較安靜，不太主動，總喜歡扮演「觀察者」(Observer)的角色，太太急不及待地說他在家裡卻完全不同，非常活躍和「意見多多」。老師的反應並不驚訝，只是不斷地微笑，似乎非常接納小朋友在家一個模樣，在校又有另一個模樣。

Written by: Dr. Szeto Wing Fu, Chairman of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

 

A teacher asked me, “Many parents seek my advice on education and disciplining their children. As a new teacher with limited life experience, I often feel inadequate in dealing with complex education policies and child-rearing issues. What should I do?”

 

Every semester, the school arranges one or two opportunities for parents to meet with teachers and discuss their children’s performance at school. As a father, I always strive to attend these meetings together with my wife. After each brief gathering, our son would eagerly ask and want to know what we discussed with the teacher about him. Recently, the teacher mentioned that our son is relatively quiet at school, not very proactive, and often takes on the role of an “observer.” My wife couldn’t wait to say that he is completely different at home, very active and full of “many opinions.” The teacher’s reaction was not surprised but rather smiled continuously, seemingly very accepting of the fact that children can present different sides at home and at school.

太太當然用期待的眼神望向老師，渴望能為她指點迷津，應怎樣才可以讓孩子在學習環境中變得主動。還好，筆者說了幾句「公道」說話，憶述去年兒子入學時處處害怕，經常成「獨行俠」。過去一年晚上，與兒子的禱告總離不開去求天父讓他勇敢一點，而今年已經進步多了。回家途中，筆者亦不忘提醒太太，在很多事情都沒有標準答案和良方妙藥，而且老師又比我們年青，亦未曾為人父母，但卻有處理不同小朋友的經驗。所以，家長和老師在小朋友成長路上多點交流，才是最重要。

 

還原真我

最近，有家長問筆者：孩子在學校十分乖巧，是個彬彬有禮的模範生，但在家裡卻經常發脾氣，為甚麼他會「人前人後兩個樣」？我應該如何處理呢？

 

筆者的兒子在小一的上學期，曾連續兩星期發生一些「不可思議」的事，例如他心愛的「軍曹」手錶不翼而飛、書本被發現掉在清潔箱、習作簿被塗鴉及撕破。筆者和太太除了難以接受上述事件，仍想解開內心的迷團：究竟這些事情是誰做的？

My wife naturally looked at the teacher with expectant eyes, hoping to get some guidance on how to make our child more proactive in the learning environment. Fortunately, I spoke a few “fair” words, recalling how our son was fearful and often a “lone ranger” when he first started school last year. Over the past year, our evening prayers with our son have always included a request to our Heavenly Father to make him braver, and this year he has made much progress. On the way home, I also reminded my wife that there are no standard answers or miraculous remedies for many things, and the teacher, being younger than us and not yet a parent, still has experience in dealing with different children. Therefore, it is most important for parents and teachers to communicate more on the children’s journey of growth.

 

Embracing Our True Selves

Recently, a parent asked me: “My child is very well-behaved at school, a courteous and exemplary student, but at home, he often throws tantrums. Why does he have such different behaviors in front of others and at home? How should I handle this?”

 

During the first semester of my son’s primary one, there were two consecutive weeks of “inexplicable” incidents, such as his beloved “Sergeant” watch going missing, books found in the trash bin, exercise books doodled and torn. My wife and I were both baffled and still wanted to unravel the mystery in our hearts: who could be behind these incidents?

太太在星期一的早上，特意到學校找老師討論事件，然而臨出門口前，筆者非常堅定地向太太說：「無論塗鴉、撕破或把書本當垃圾遺棄，我肯定這些事情一定不會是兒子作的。」太太問：「為甚麼你那麼肯定？」我的答案是：「因為兒子是我生的，我伴著他成長，我對他的性情暸如指掌。」最後發現，原來是他鄰近的同學作的。自那天起，筆者發現孩子在學校和在家裡的行為起了「微妙」的變化 － 孩子似乎學懂學校是一個社群：書本「過了界」會令鄰座同學不高興、而老師在學校有如球證，要「生存」便要懂得「遊戲規則」。可是放學回到家裡卻隨即還原真我，因為家裡有最了解他的爸爸、媽媽。

 

事實上，在成年人的世界，又豈不也是白天一個我，晚上一個我？

On Monday morning, my wife went to the school to discuss the incident with the teacher. However, just before leaving, I firmly told my wife, “No matter the doodles, tears, or books being treated as garbage, I am certain that our son didn’t do any of these.” She asked, “Why are you so sure?” My answer was, “Because he is my son, and I have been with him as he grew up. I know his temperament like the back of my hand.” Eventually, it was found that his neighboring classmate was responsible for those actions. Since that day, I noticed a “subtle” change in our child’s behavior between school and home – at school, he seemed to have learned that it is a community: crossing certain boundaries with books would upset classmates, and the teachers were like referees, and to “survive” he had to understand the “rules of the game.” But when he came home after school, he would immediately embrace his true self, because at home, he had his dad and mom, who understood him the most.


In fact, isn’t it true that in the adult world, we also have a different self during the day and at night?

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