Fostering homeschool co-operation and communication:

撰文:婚姻及家庭治療師

   兒童遊戲治療師 李慧芝

每當有孩子出世,都會為家庭帶來轉變。很多時候,父母因忙於照顧及管教子女,都會容易忽略自己婚姻生活的質素,久而久之,夫妻生活變得只剩下一堆責任和壓力。筆者曾經聽過一位朋友說,他每天下班回家,都是流水作業式地替子女檢查功課,督導孩子溫習,太太則照顧他們的飲食和作息,到了夫婦倆可以休息的時候,往往已是夜深,即使還有餘力和太太談上幾句,說的都只是子女的學業成績和表現。有時甚至連自己休息的時間尚且不夠,更莫說要關心和回應配偶的需要。

在筆者的輔導經驗中,曾經遇過很多婚姻關係出現困難的夫婦,他們都不約而同地認為他們關係出現問題,是由子女出世後開始。一般人會認為,這是因為父母對子女的期望和教育方法不同,又或在培育子女的角色和責任上分配不均,而導致關係的衝突。

然而,絕大多數的夫婦卻表示,他們不一定要對方認同自己的想法或做法,問題的關鍵在於當他們面對育兒及各種生活壓力時,往往因為感受不到配偶的重視、支持和接納,以致雙方都陷入孤單和無助的境況,漸漸地破壞彼此間的信任和情感連結。

夫妻間有不同的教育理念和方法,本是很平常和自然的事。但在育兒的過程中,父母容易重複以無效和具破壞性的方法,處理彼此的分歧,令關係不知不覺地形成負向互動循環。例如妻子會在丈夫面前抱怨孩子不聽話,甚至埋怨丈夫沒有幫忙分擔家事和育兒的責任,太太表達不滿的目的是希望丈夫明白自己的憂慮和困擾,並得到丈夫的支持和安慰。

 

然而,丈夫往往只能接收到太太的批評和指責,而為了保護自己免受傷害,他們或許會默不作聲,或是多番解釋和替自己辯護,期望得到太太的體諒和接納。丈夫愈解釋,太太就愈感到不被重視和明白,因而愈加指責。而太太愈指責,又會令丈夫愈感到無助,並愈加逃避和防衛。夫婦倆既是這負向互動循環中的一員,又是互動循環下的受害者。假如父母沒有及時正視和處理關係的僵局,不但會令問題持續和惡化,最終也可能會苦了孩子。

家庭和孩子的健康,建基於夫婦倆穩固的情感連結。因此,為了自己和孩子,不妨花多點時間孕育與伴侶間的愛情。只要父母婚姻美滿,孩子自然能健康快樂地成長。

Categories
Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone

Three characteristics to let you know whether you are a “monster parent”?

Written by: Director of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

         Dr. Tik Chi-yuen

Although parenting is a natural duty, it is not “inborn to take duty”. Previously, I discussed with senior government officials the current difficulties of parents and how to effectively promote parent education.During the discussion, we all felt that parent education should be strengthened because parents are becoming more and more “monsterized”, resulting in high pressure on parents and heavy burden on children.

If parents want to determine whether they are “monster parents”, they can assess in three aspects.

         Firstare you always worried about your child losing at the starting line, so you ask your child to learn more and practice more?

         Second, do you often worry about your children doing wrong, afraid that they face failure, so give children a variety of protection?

         Third, do you often feel stressed by your children’s studies and daily life, worrying that your children will not do well in everything, so you are emotionally disturbed?

One of the problems with “monster parents” is that they focus too much on their children’s performance, especially in terms of academics and grades. In fact,
there are more important things we should be concerned about, and that is the parent-child relationship. Parents and children are meant to have a mutual emotional relationship, not a ministry relationship. In the family, we talk more about love and affection rather than dictations, tests, and exams. Having a good parent-child relationship is the cornerstone of healthy growth for our children.

Keep sneezing. How to improve allergic rhinitis?

Written by : Dr Chiu Cheung Shing

As soon as the season changes, both children and adults are susceptible to allergic rhinitis problems. For example, children may have difficulty in breathing due to allergic rhinitis, feel stuffy nose that affects their sleep quality, and have to wipe their noses all day long, and if the situation is serious, they may even suffer from sleep apnoea.

Allergic rhinitis can be caused by both congenital and acquired factors.  Although it is difficult to cure allergic rhinitis due to congenital origin, if the acquired factors can be properly controlled, then the chance of children having the disease will be greatly reduced.

 

How to prevent allergic rhinitis caused by acquired factors?

Allergic rhinitis caused by acquired factors mainly include the following factors.

1. allergens at home

2. outdoor allergens

3. some infectious diseases

As for the home, the more dust accumulated, the more likely to induce allergic rhinitis symptoms, so parents should be not only more frequent cleaning the bed for children, but also take away some of the stuffed animals and toys, and bed sheets, quilts and pillows and other things that are easy to hide dust, you need to wash with hot water at about 60 degrees, once every 4 days to clean the best.

If the outdoor environment is dusty, parents may need to close some of the windows to keep the air flowing and to reduce dust at the same time. It is also important to reduce the chance of infection, as once children have cross-infected each other at school, any virus can also worsen allergic rhinitis. 

In addition to reducing exposure to allergens and infections, we can also prevent allergic rhinitis in our daily life by sleeping and waking up early, doing the right amount of exercise and eating a proper diet, which will help a lot in preventing allergic rhinitis.

Is there a chance that allergic rhinitis will not recur?

Treatment of allergic rhinitis depends on how much the condition affects the child. If the effect is mild, home care or environmental control is sufficient. However, if the condition is more severe and causes frequent discomfort, oral medication and, if necessary, aerosol nasal spray may be required to reduce the discomfort.

If all environmental factors are controlled and treated with medication, in most cases, allergic rhinitis can be successfully controlled and may not recur.

 

Nurturing children’s interest in reading

Written by : New Horizons Development Centre

                 Registered Educational Psychologist Pang Chi Wah

A hundred years ago, illiteracy was a normal thing. But since education became widespread decades ago, it is now necessary to go to school to receive an education. Learning is not only through the direct transmission of knowledge by teachers through language, students also need to read textbooks by themselves. When doing homework or taking exams, students are tested on their concentration and speed when reading.

More than 30 years ago, the basic qualification for firefighters was graduation from the sixth grade, but today, even college graduates may not be able to get into firefighting. Modern fires do not only require firefighters to be physically fit and able to put out fires with water, but some fires are very complex and require special methods and chemicals to put out.

Reading skills are needed in all walks of life

Whether they are blue-collar or white-collar workers, they need to handle documents and files, read other people’s reports or instructions, and write their own reports. So the need to read and handle paperwork is everywhere. In the past, illiterate people could withdraw money from banks, but with modern ATMs, not only can we withdraw money, but we can also pay different fees, but our concentration and speed in reading is very much tested.

 

 

When we are adults, we have to sign many contracts, and there are many clauses in the contract, and the font size is small but quantity is large, it is also a big test of reading. Modern people often have to search for information on the Internet, which also requires the ability to read, that is, the ability to visually search for symbolic words and speed.

 

Nurturing children’s interest in reading

Cultivate children’s interest in reading and develop good habits. Although reading books is fine, reading newspapers is a good habit that everyone must develop, whether they are civilians or presidents and professors, they need to read newspapers regularly because this is the only way to keep up with the information of the society, to understand the changes around the world, and to master the liberal thinking.

Although there is now a very convenient TV news, as if they do not need to read, listening to TV news seems more convenient. But in fact, in addition to reading newspapers to learn the news and current events, more continuous training of the ability to deal with words and reading newspapers can be carried out at anytime and anywhere, newspapers can be said to be the textbook of the Society in general. This is everyone “to do old, learn until old,” the rule of thumb.

夫妻衝突 苦了孩子

撰文:婚姻及家庭治療師

   兒童遊戲治療師 李慧芝

每當有孩子出世,都會為家庭帶來轉變。很多時候,父母因忙於照顧及管教子女,都會容易忽略自己婚姻生活的質素,久而久之,夫妻生活變得只剩下一堆責任和壓力。筆者曾經聽過一位朋友說,他每天下班回家,都是流水作業式地替子女檢查功課,督導孩子溫習,太太則照顧他們的飲食和作息,到了夫婦倆可以休息的時候,往往已是夜深,即使還有餘力和太太談上幾句,說的都只是子女的學業成績和表現。有時甚至連自己休息的時間尚且不夠,更莫說要關心和回應配偶的需要。

在筆者的輔導經驗中,曾經遇過很多婚姻關係出現困難的夫婦,他們都不約而同地認為他們關係出現問題,是由子女出世後開始。一般人會認為,這是因為父母對子女的期望和教育方法不同,又或在培育子女的角色和責任上分配不均,而導致關係的衝突。

然而,絕大多數的夫婦卻表示,他們不一定要對方認同自己的想法或做法,問題的關鍵在於當他們面對育兒及各種生活壓力時,往往因為感受不到配偶的重視、支持和接納,以致雙方都陷入孤單和無助的境況,漸漸地破壞彼此間的信任和情感連結。

夫妻間有不同的教育理念和方法,本是很平常和自然的事。但在育兒的過程中,父母容易重複以無效和具破壞性的方法,處理彼此的分歧,令關係不知不覺地形成負向互動循環。例如妻子會在丈夫面前抱怨孩子不聽話,甚至埋怨丈夫沒有幫忙分擔家事和育兒的責任,太太表達不滿的目的是希望丈夫明白自己的憂慮和困擾,並得到丈夫的支持和安慰。

 

然而,丈夫往往只能接收到太太的批評和指責,而為了保護自己免受傷害,他們或許會默不作聲,或是多番解釋和替自己辯護,期望得到太太的體諒和接納。丈夫愈解釋,太太就愈感到不被重視和明白,因而愈加指責。而太太愈指責,又會令丈夫愈感到無助,並愈加逃避和防衛。夫婦倆既是這負向互動循環中的一員,又是互動循環下的受害者。假如父母沒有及時正視和處理關係的僵局,不但會令問題持續和惡化,最終也可能會苦了孩子。

家庭和孩子的健康,建基於夫婦倆穩固的情感連結。因此,為了自己和孩子,不妨花多點時間孕育與伴侶間的愛情。只要父母婚姻美滿,孩子自然能健康快樂地成長。

Categories
Parents Zone

三個特點讓你知 你是否「怪獸家長」?

撰文:香港家庭教育學院總監

   狄志遠博士

 

雖然父母是天職,但不是「天生就識」。之前筆者跟政府高官討論現時家長的困難以及如何有效推展家長教育工作,席間大家都覺得要加強家長教育工作,因為現時的家長愈來愈「怪獸化」,結果是家長壓力大,孩子負擔重。

 

如果家長想判斷自己是否「怪獸家長」,可從三方面去評估:

 

第1,   你是否時刻擔心孩子輸在起跑線上,所以要求子女多學習及多操練呢?

第2,   你是否常常擔心孩子做錯事,怕他們面對失敗,所以給予子女多方面的保護呢?

第3,   你是否經常因子女的學業及日常生活而感到壓力,擔心子女事事做不好,以致自己情緒不安呢?

「怪獸家長」有一個問題,就是太著重子女的表現,特別是學業或成績方面。其實,我們有更重要的事情值得關心,就是親子關係了。父母與子女是要互立感情關係,而不是事工關係。在家庭中,我們多談情說愛,而不是默書測驗及考試。擁有良好的親子關係,是促使子女健康成長的基石。

乞嗤不斷 如何改善鼻敏感?

撰文:趙長成醫生

只要一轉季,不論是小朋友還是大人,都容易受到鼻敏感問題困擾。例如小朋友可能因鼻敏感而出現呼吸困難,感到鼻塞而影響睡眠質素,以及整天要抹鼻涕等, 如果情況嚴重更可能出現睡眠窒息症狀。

 

由於鼻敏感可以因先天和後天因素所形成,雖然因先天性而出現的鼻敏感很難「斷尾」,但如果後天因素能夠控制得宜,那麼小朋友病發的機會便會大為減低。

 

如何預防後天因素引致的鼻敏感?

由後天因素引致的鼻敏感,主要包括以下因素:

1.      家居的致敏原

2.      室外的致敏原

3.      一些感染性的疾病

 

如以家居而言,積聚的塵埃愈多,愈容易誘發鼻敏感症狀,所以家長除了要勤於為小朋友清洗床舖外,還要拿走一些毛公仔和玩具,而床單、被舖及枕頭等易於藏塵的東西,則需要用60度左右的熱水清洗,每4天清洗一次就最好。

假如室外的環境較多塵,家長可能需要關上一部分的窗戶,保持空氣流通之餘,同時亦要減少塵埃。此外,減少感染機會也十分重要,因為一旦小朋友在學校裡出現互相交叉感染的情況,任何病毒也可以讓鼻敏感惡化。

 

除了減少接觸致敏原和感染機會外,我們亦可以在日常生活中預防鼻敏感,例如早睡早起、進行適量的運動和適當飲食,對防治鼻敏感會有很大的幫助。

 

鼻敏感有機會不再復發嗎?

鼻敏感的治療需視乎病情對小朋友的影響有多大,如果影響屬於輕微,我們只需透過家居護理或控制環境因素就已經足夠。可是如果病情對小朋友影響較嚴重,令他經常感到不適,可能需要口服藥物的治療,有需要的情況下會使用一些噴霧式鼻劑治療,以減少小朋友的不適。

假如所有環境因素受到控制,再加上藥物的治療,在大部分情況下,鼻敏感都可以成功控制,也未必會再次復發。

培養孩子的閱讀興趣

撰文:新領域潛能發展中心

   註冊教育心理學家彭智華

百多年前文盲是很正常的事但自從數十年前教育開始普及,時至今日到學校接受教育是必須的,學習除了通過教師以語言直接傳授知識外,學生還需要自己閱讀教科書,做功課或考試時,更考驗學生閱讀的專注力及速度。

 

三十年多前投考消防員的基本資格是小學六年級畢業便可,而今時今日大學畢業生也未必能考到消防員。現代的火災已不單是要求消防員體能好,簡單用水便可灌救熄滅,因為有些火警的起因很複雜,要用特別的方法及化學物才可撲滅。

 

各行各業都需要閱讀能力

不論是藍領或是白領,都需要處理文件檔案,需要閱讀別人的報告或說明書,更需要自己書寫報告,所以閱讀及處理文書的需要可說是無處不在。以前文盲可以到銀行提款,但現代的自動提款機,我們不單可以提款,還可以繳交不同的費用,但就非常考驗我們閱讀的專注力及速度。

當我們成年後有很多簽訂合約的時候而且合約有很多條文,字體又小數量又多,也是閱讀的一大考驗現代人經常要在網上搜尋資料,也需要閱讀的能力,就是視覺搜尋符號文字的能力及速度。

 

培養子女的閱讀興趣

培養子女的閱讀興趣,並培養成為良好的習慣雖然閱讀圖書也可以,但閱讀報紙是每個人必須養成的良好習慣,不論是平民百姓,還是總統教授,都需要定時閱讀報紙,因為只有這個方法才可以保持與社會的資訊同步,了解世界各地的變動,掌握通識思維。

雖然現時有很方便的電視新聞,好像不需自己閱讀,聽電視新聞似乎更方便但實際上閱讀報紙除了得知新聞時事,更能不斷鍛鍊處理文字的能力,而且閱讀報紙可以隨時隨地進行,報紙可說是社會大學的教科書,是每個人做到老學到老的不二法則

EDB Smart Parent NET

Topic

Link

(Video). Growing Up with Positive Companions: The Story of Senmi (Part 2).

https://youtu.be/d2PuNVQQ9n4

“Fun with Parent-Child Fun” Roving Exhibition Interview: Building Quality Parent-Child Time Together

https://youtu.be/WzGQvSAvcsA

Parent-child tips – Help your child with their career planning

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-lifeplanning

 Parent-child password – the process of growing up

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-grow

(Video). Listen to parents and children Share your approach to positive parenting through a short video

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/video-positiveview

Parent-child password – guide children to learn

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-learning

(Video). Growing Up Toward the Peer: Mori Mitsu (Part 1).

https://youtu.be/5K8BrNflaoE

“Fun with Parent-Child Fun” touring exhibition

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/ORPA2022TC

“Play with parent-child fun” parent education resource set

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/playtimekit-tc

“Play Parent-Child Fun” parent-child table game

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/playtimeboardgame

(Film).  “Co-create Story Picture Book Adventure” game demonstration short film

https://youtu.be/oKiPy2XMzY4

(Video). “Really can’t fake it” game demonstration video

https://youtu.be/76tBnW6N5Do

(Video). “Parent-child fancy jump rope” game demonstration video

https://youtu.be/5kRTz4zPc7Q

(Video). “Pro-Bullet Pinball” game demonstration video

https://youtu.be/Cs13BiP1Stg

(Video). “Guess the Picture” game demonstration video

https://youtu.be/YnesCIRTlk0

Parent-child password – Establish a positive family

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-familyday

Parent-child passwords – respect each other

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-respect

“Light Family” communication program emoji sticker pack (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day).

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/light-family-emoji-stickers-mothersfathersday

Parent-child password – parent-child reading

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-reading

Parent-child password – physical and mental health

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-healthy

Parent-child password – companion

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-walktogether

Parent-child tips – share quality parent-child time with your children during the long holidays

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-timetogether

(Video). “Light Family” Parent Education Animated Series – Grow with you

https://youtu.be/_L3RzFiuSL0

Parent-child password – fight the epidemic with one heart

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-againstvirus

(Video). “Light Family” Parent Education Animated Series – Mom and Dad Are Not Superman Either

https://youtu.be/spZ3W4tJ0wQ

Parent-child password – fight the epidemic with one heart

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-againstvirus

(Video). “Light Family” Parent Education Animated Series – Mom and Dad Are Not Superman Either

https://youtu.be/spZ3W4tJ0wQ

Parent-child password – the child’s need to grow

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-childneeds

“Innocence Shines for the Future” Parent Education Short Film Creation Competition “Innocence Shines for the Future” Parent Education Short Film Creation Competition Promotional Short Film “Innocence Shines for the Future” Parent Education Short Film Creation Contest – Content Revisiting the “Innocence Shines for the Future”

 Parent Education Short Film Creation Contest
 – Shooting and Editing Skills Workshop I Highlights Revisiting “Innocence Shines for the Future” Parent Education Video Creation Competition
 – Shooting and Editing Skills Workshop II Revisited

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/video_competition2https://youtu.be/ypG-IpyXerYhttps://youtu.be/A9X2as0l0T4https://youtu.be/L5FXz568cOUhttps://youtu.be/AhCXaQoir1w



Parenting tips – Develop the right values and attitudes

https://www.parent.edu.hk/article/code-attitudeandvalue

(Video). “Light Family” Parent Education Animation Series – Don’t Forget. Initial intention

https://youtu.be/M7z1UldhIgQ

 Parent-child password – the nourishment of growth

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Practice a healthy lifestyle with your children

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“I’m so tired” How to improve the feeling of tiredness?

Written by: Chinese doctor Yiu Yee Chiu

 

As a parent, it can be exhausting to take care of a family and work. In my spare time, I like to watch talk shows and listen to the unique views of celebrities on life and their outlook on life. Once they talked about the busy life of Hong Kong people and how fatigue seems to be an inevitable “by-product”. However, we were told that we are not tired because we are all like that and it is just a normal physiological reaction. So, is this true?

 

Tiredness is actually a subjective feeling, so only you can understand it. In some cases, it can be seen in behavior, such as reluctance to get up, weakness in speech, lack of normal physical strength, etc. According to a Chinese Medicine Practitioner, fatigue involves the five viscera and six internal organs, mainly the spleen, liver and kidneys, with the spleen being the most important, which falls under the category of “deficiency fatigue”.

 

Three types of fatigue have different causes

Fatigue can be classified from different perspectives. One way is to classify fatigue into three categories: physical, mental, and psychological. Physical fatigue is the most common and the most easily noticed. After normal work, it is normal to feel tired and can recover after rest. However, if you cannot recover after rest, or if the number and degree of fatigue is too much, this is fatigue, which can also be said to be a “sub-health” state.

 

Brain fatigue is caused by overuse of the brain. The most basic symptoms are memory loss and lack of concentration. Other symptoms include drowsiness, lack of concentration, auricular fever, and lack of hearing. Mental fatigue is a psychological feeling after excluding physical problems, and may be triggered by lack of sleep or inadequate nutritional supply. If more than one of these manifestations occurs at the same time, it is likely to be characterized as what is known as “fatigue syndrome”.

Fatigue is related to the disorders of the five organs

From the perspective of Chinese medicine, the appearance of fatigue is closely related to the imbalance of the five viscera. Different symptoms may be related to a particular internal organ, for example, lack of qi is mostly related to the lung. Chinese medicine believes that the overall activity of the human body depends on the state of vital energy. The Yuan Qi ” Human nature inborn and nourished later”, means that the Yuan Qi from the parents of the essence, after birth, mainly from the diet of water and grain essence of the supplement and nourishment, while relying on the normal function of the spleen and stomach and with the help of the natural qi (i.e. good air), although they are tired, but there are differences in the form.

 

People can be divided into the following four main body types: 

 

  1. Phlegm-damp body type: This type of person is not only obese, but also has a lot of fatigue and phlegm, is easily sleepy, has lazy limbs, has stomach discomfort after eating, and has loose stools. In addition to the Chinese medicine can be adjusted, can also rely on long-term physical exercise to improve. Including jogging, swimming, Tai Chi, “Eight Duan Kam” etc.

 

  1. Qi deficiency: these people have insufficient lung energy, lack of energy, it would have a feeling of fatigue when little working. Since the strength of liver qi is related to the immunity of the body, they are prone to illness. Other symptoms include laziness, frequent sweating, a low voice, a pale tongue with white fur, and a weak pulse. Although exercise can be encouraged, it is necessary to start slowly and increase gradually. In addition, you can use the Qihai point in the abdomen as the center of a circular massage, three times a day, for 10 minutes each time. This method can strengthen the spleen with stomach and nourish the essence.

 

  1. Yang body type: These people have low overall metabolism and will show fear of cold, depression and drowsiness. In addition to taking Chinese medicine, you can also use the “warm umbilical cord method” to strengthen nephron. The method is to use a lit moxa stick to moxibustion on the umbilicus above the Shen Pao point for 15 minutes twice a day, mainly to feel the warmth and tolerable.

 

  1. Depressed body: most of the manifestations are unstable, easily depressed, lack of perseverance, suspicious and other psychological imbalance. Of course, physical discomfort, such as fullness in the ribs and poor sleep, may also occur. However, it is closely related to the ups and downs of emotions. Talking and sharing with others is the easiest way to guide yourself. At the same time, you can also try “rose yam porridge”. The method is to make a congee of rose, coix seeds and Chinese yam with rice, 1 to 2 bowls a day.

 

In any case, the feeling of fatigue is very disturbing. In addition to discomfort, people sometimes wonder if it is a lie. So we must face it head on and find the right way to manage it. Otherwise, the sub-healthy state of fatigue may turn into a real disease, and that would be a problem.