撰文:協康會教育心理學家團隊

 

家長要向人解釋孩子有自閉症的情況,有如自挖瘡疤,恐怕未能得到親友的支持之餘,還會惹來誤解或歧視。究竟家長應如何面對親友呢?

 

必須清楚自閉症的成因

 

家長向親友解釋時,首先必須清楚自閉症的成因是與家長疏忽或溺愛無關。自閉症的成因與腦部異常發展有關,故此影響了孩子的溝通能力、思考和行為模式,以及理解別人思想行為的能力。家長可列出大部分自閉症兒童的共同特徵,包括社交困難、頑固、焦慮、溝通困難、專注能力、活躍程度高低、非典型情緒反應、身體協調問題及不同的感官反應等。

Written by: The Educational Psychologist Team of the Heep Hong Society

 

For parents, explaining their child’s autism to others can feel like reopening a wound. They fear not only the lack of support from friends and family, but also the potential for misunderstanding or discrimination. So, how should parents approach this with their relatives and friends?

 

Understanding the causes of autism is crucial.

When explaining to friends and family, parents must first clarify that the cause of autism is not related to parental neglect or overindulgence. Autism is associated with abnormal brain development, which affects the child’s communication skills, thinking and behavior patterns, as well as their ability to understand the thoughts and actions of others. Parents can list the common characteristics of most children with autism, including social difficulties, stubbornness, anxiety, communication difficulties, focus ability, varying levels of activity, atypical emotional responses, physical coordination problems, and different sensory responses.

留意最新資訊

此外,家長可盡量留意自閉症的最新資訊,例如「執行功能」、「中央統合」和「心智解讀能力」等概念,一來可以令自己更容易明白子女的成長需要,當遇到親友有興趣了解更多,便可向他們深入解釋。當家長愈清楚自閉症,便愈容易讓親友認識孩子,或許一貫歧視的眼光,會因了解得更多而逐漸消失。家長知識上的裝備,能讓親友感到家長的積極和能力。

 

用具體形容詞形容孩子表現

另外,當家長形容孩子時,應用具體和正面的形容詞,例如記憶力強(而非「好記唔記」)、專注力弱(而非「心散」)、未能明白別人的要求(而非「不聽話、曳」)、重複相同的動作(而非「佢一定要…….」)或跟著拍子點頭(而非「鍾意音樂」)等抽象的形容詞。讓親友們明白,孩子與其他兒童一樣,都是天真無邪的小朋友。

Stay Updated with the Latest Information

In addition, parents can try to stay updated with the latest information on autism, such as concepts like “executive function”, “central integration”, and “theory of mind”. This can help them better understand their child’s developmental needs. When relatives and friends show interest in learning more, parents can explain these concepts in depth. The more parents understand about autism, the easier it is for relatives and friends to get to know the child. Perhaps the usual discriminatory views will gradually disappear as they understand more. The knowledge parents equip themselves with can make relatives and friends feel the parents’ positivity and capability.

 

Describe the Child’s Performance with Specific Adjectives

Furthermore, when parents describe their child, they should use specific and positive adjectives. For example, describe the child as having strong memory (instead of “good at forgetting”), weak focus (instead of “distracted”), unable to understand others’ demands (instead of “disobedient, dragging”), repeating the same actions (instead of “he/she must…”), or nodding to the beat (instead of “likes music”) and other abstract adjectives. Let relatives and friends understand that, like other children, their child is an innocent little friend.

不過,解釋終歸解釋,家長面對孩子「天天新款」的行為時,或許寧願選擇把孩子(甚至自己)帶離敏感場合,減低對親友做成的干擾,但相對也減少了孩子對社會適應的機會。相反,家長可主動誘導親友以合適的方法與孩子相處。例如正面地說「你可以說慢一點」、「孩子對聲音非常敏感,不如我們說話輕聲一點吧」或是「對不起,我可否首先知道行程,給我的孩子有心理準備?」如果親友能做到,已經踏出了成功的一步。

 

親友的視野需要被拉闊,然而最重要的,是家長須持開放接受的態度,成為親友的榜樣。當家長自己也接受自閉症,還有誰可以說「不接受」呢?

However, explanations are just explanations. When parents face their child’s ever-changing behaviors, they may prefer to remove the child (or even themselves) from sensitive situations to reduce the disturbance to relatives and friends. But this also reduces the child’s opportunities to adapt to society. Instead, parents can actively guide relatives and friends to interact with the child in appropriate ways. For example, they can positively say, “You can speak a little slower”, “The child is very sensitive to sound, let’s speak a little quieter”, or “I’m sorry, can I know the schedule first to prepare my child?” If relatives and friends can do this, it’s already a step towards success.


The perspectives of relatives and friends need to be broadened. However, the most important thing is that parents need to maintain an open and accepting attitude, setting an example for relatives and friends. If the parents themselves accept autism, who else can say “I don’t accept it”?