撰文：資深升學專家、輔導教師協會榮譽顧問 趙榮德先生
如果你問我，在數十年教學過程中，最令我難忘的是哪些片段，我會毫不猶豫的答是使人開竅的故事。為甚麼開竅的片段這樣吸引我呢？因為開竅是一種「高層次教育」，而筆者深愛教育，所以開竅的片段特別難忘。
下面是筆者使一位「怪獸家長」開竅的故事。為甚麼那家長變成怪獸呢？因為他「出盡法寶」令兒子得獎！而筆者只用 5 分鐘便把他「點醒」了！
那位「怪獸家長」是位專業人士，他對兒子要求甚高，年年都要兒子在學校取得全能獎 (Best All Round Student)。他的兒子在筆者任教的學校，已連續 2 年奪取該一級別的全能獎了，第 3 年他和兒子繼續努力，希望做個「帽子」戲法，連中 3 年！
學生和父親一早知道學校重視哪些項目，於是他就在那些重點項目全力出擊，怎料那年突生變故，學校把某些科目的分數分量加重，就這樣一改，那位學生變成只能屈居第二。學生和父親知道得不到第一後大怒，做爸爸的毫不客氣撥電話「聲討」修士校長。仁慈的修士校長連續被該家長「煩」了兩天，終於將「球」傳給筆者，他對我說：「彼得，這位家長每天和我傾談了半小時的電話，一定要我把他兒子升上第一，使我完全不能處理其他學校的工作。你快來幫忙，我把家長的電話號碼給你。」
Written by: Mr. Chiu Wing Tak, a senior education expert and honorary advisor to the Association of Careers Masters and Guidance Masters
If you ask me, in the decades of teaching experience, what are the most unforgettable moments, I would unhesitatingly answer the stories that enlighten people. Why am I so attracted to enlightening moments? Because enlightenment is a form of “higher-level education,” and as someone who deeply loves education, these moments are particularly memorable.
Below is a story of how I enlightened a “monster parent.” Why did this parent become a monster? Because he “pulled out all the stops” to make his son win awards! And I “woke him up” in just 5 minutes!
The “monster parent” was a professional who had very high expectations for his son, demanding that his son win the Best All-Round Student award at school every year. His son had been attending the school where I taught and had already won the all-round award for his grade level for two consecutive years. In the third year, he and his son continued to work hard, hoping to achieve a “hat trick” by winning for three consecutive years!
The student and his father were well aware of the areas the school emphasized, so they focused all their efforts on those key areas. However, that year, an unexpected change occurred when the school increased the weighting of certain subjects’ scores. As a result of this change, the student ended up in second place. Upon learning that he would not be first, both the student and his father were furious. The father did not hesitate to call and vehemently protest to the Brother Principal. The kind-hearted Brother Principal was bothered by the parent for two days straight, and finally passed the matter to me, saying, “Peter, this parent has been talking to me on the phone for half an hour every day, insisting that I promote his son to first place, which has completely prevented me from dealing with other school matters. Please help me out; I’ll give you the parent’s phone number.”
婉轉相勸 明白要及早面對失敗
筆者在了解事情的來龍去脈之後，立即致電給這位家長。筆者明白這位家長非常愛錫兒子的，因此一開始時筆者便這樣說：「T先生，我知道你很疼愛你的兒子，你的兒子在學業和課外活動方面亦做得非常好。」
那位家長和應：「沒錯！」
「你的兒子在中一、中二已經先後兩次取得全能獎，你想他在今年中三也取得這個獎，亦是人之常情，但…」在這裡，筆者停了停。「一個人不能永遠只有成功，沒有失敗的。既然早晚亦要面對失敗，T先生，你希望你的兒子早些面對失敗，還是晚一點才面對呢？」
那位家長亦是個「話頭醒尾」之人，立即說：「你是想我不再追究嗎？」
「不是，我只想你為兒子著想，讓他早些接受小型失敗。將來面對大型的失敗時，自然會懂得面對！」
家長想了想，應道：「我明白趙老師的意思，我不再追究，多謝你的解釋！」
筆者怎樣使該位家長開竅呢？答案是：我使他破除執著。他有甚麼執著？他執著於一個牢不可破的信念 — 一個好的家長，必須盡一己所能幫兒子成功。筆者從他的角度，欣賞他的努力，但同時婉轉地告訴他，幫助兒子早些接受失敗，也可以是一個好家長。他是一位聰明人，聽到筆者的弦外之音，如不讓兒子早些接受挫折，遲些可能傷得更慘，因此，他頓然開竅，接受筆者的忠告。
ETactfully persuade to understand the need to face failure early
After understanding the ins and outs of the matter, I immediately called the parent. I understand that this parent loves his son very much, so he started by saying, “Mr. T, I know you love your son dearly, and your son is also doing very well in academics and extracurricular activities.”
The parent responded, “Exactly!”
“Your son has already won the all-around award in both the first and second years of middle school, so it’s only natural that you would want him to win it again in his third year. But…” I paused here. “A person cannot always succeed without failing. Since failure is inevitable sooner or later, Mr. T, would you prefer your son to face failure sooner rather than later?”
The parent, being a person who “gets to the point,” immediately said, “Are you suggesting I should stop pursuing this matter?”
“Not at all, I just want you to consider what’s best for your son, to let him experience minor failures early on. This way, when he faces major failures in the future, he will naturally know how to handle them!”
After some thought, the parent replied, “I understand Mr. Zhao’s point. I won’t pursue it further, thank you for your explanation!”
How did I make the parent see the reason? The answer is: I helped him break free from his fixation. What was his fixation? He was fixated on an unbreakable belief – that a good parent must do everything within their power to ensure their child’s success. From his perspective, I appreciated his efforts, but also gently told him that helping his son accept failure early could also be the mark of a good parent. Being a wise person, he understood the implied message that not allowing his son to face setbacks early could lead to worse pain later. Thus, he suddenly saw the light and accepted my advice.
