撰文：新領域潛能發展中心 註冊教育心理學家 彭智華
筆者曾經聽過兩位媽媽的對話，不知讀者有沒有同感，其中一位說：「你運氣真好！生了個乖寶寶，我卻沒那樣幸運……」有些媽媽或會認為，孩子好與壞，絕大部分與先天有關。事實上，孩子的後天培養亦十分重要，媽媽是否能掌握管教技巧和保持穩定的情緒狀態，均能為孩子帶來很大影響。
當媽媽要指責或教導孩子時，必須先問問自己，是否清楚問題背後的原因。自己會否也有一些不足之處，又或能否找到其他解決問題的可能性，並非將所有問題歸因於「好命」與「不好命」上。常言道：「世有伯樂，然後有千里馬」，很多父母都希望子女成龍成鳳，其實要令一般子女成材並不困難，特別現今社會提倡多元化發展，孩子能夠發揮的空間無疑也較大。過往社會崇尚醫生、律師等「尊貴」職業，但隨著社會轉型，社會同樣對於在設計和藝術等範疇中有出色表現的人予以欣賞。最重要的是，作為媽媽的有否把握機會，細心發掘孩子的優點。
Written: New Horizons Development Centre, Registered Educational Psychologist, Pang Chi Wah
I once overheard a conversation between two mothers, and I wonder if the readers can relate to it. One of them said, “You’re so lucky! You have a well-behaved baby, but I wasn’t that fortunate…” Some mothers may believe that a child’s behavior is largely determined by their innate qualities. However, the truth is that postnatal nurturing is equally crucial, and a mother’s ability to grasp effective discipline techniques and maintain a stable emotional state can have a significant impact on their child.
When a mother wants to criticize or teach her child, she must first ask herself if she truly understands the underlying reasons behind the issue. Is there any room for improvement on her part, or can she find alternative ways to address the problem, rather than attributing everything to “good luck” or “bad luck”? There’s a saying, “When there is a master, there will be exceptional talents.” Many parents hope their children will achieve great success, but in reality, helping an ordinary child to thrive is not difficult, especially in today’s society, which advocates diversified development. Children have more opportunities to showcase their talents. While the past society revered “prestigious” professions like doctors and lawyers, as society transforms, people also appreciate excellence in design, arts, and other fields. Most importantly, as a mother, whether you seize the chance to carefully discover your child’s strengths is crucial.
但是，好的子女也需要好的父母去培育。雖然現今是男女平等的年代，但媽媽在親子的地位上仍是非常重要。若媽媽希望自己懂得教好孩子，就必須多花一些時間參加有關的親子課程，聽取不同專家的意見，如教育心理學家、社工或其他教育工作者，學習分析孩子的情況，並給予孩子最適當的教育方法及幫助。另外，家長也可參加一些家長互助小組，或把握機會與其他家長保持聯絡，互相交流和觀摩，分享教育子女的心得及方法，對媽媽如何教導子女將有莫大的幫助。
所以，若希望自己的子女成才，媽媽自己先要以身作則，努力做好自己應當做的事，積極學習管教孩子的技巧。請緊記：孩子到來不是要向你「報仇」，而是來向你「報恩」。在學習管教孩子的過程中，媽媽能夠學到，可能比教導孩子的還要多。因為在教育孩子的知識及學問的同時，自己於知識上也有得益。另外，過程中所遇到的困難，對於媽媽來說，也是耐性及內涵的考驗，增加人生的歷練及對生命的體會。
於文章的開首的點題是「好孩子並不是與生俱來的」所以最後筆者亦以一句話作總結：「好的媽媽也不是天生的」。
However, good children also need good parents to nurture them. Although today is an era of gender equality, mothers still play a crucial role in the parent-child relationship. If a mother wishes to effectively educate her child, she must invest more time in participating in relevant parenting courses, listening to different experts’ opinions, such as educational psychologists, social workers, or other educators, to learn how to analyze the child’s situation and provide the most appropriate educational methods and assistance. Additionally, parents can join some parent support groups, or take the opportunity to stay in touch with other parents, exchange ideas and observations, share experiences and methods of educating children, which will be of great help to mothers in how to teach their children.
Therefore, if you want your children to succeed, as a mother, you must lead by example, strive to do what you should do, and actively learn disciplinary skills for children. Please remember: children come not to “take revenge” on you but to “repay kindness” to you. In the process of learning to discipline children, a mother can learn even more than what she teaches her child. While imparting knowledge and learning to educate children, she herself also benefits in knowledge. Moreover, the challenges encountered in the process are a test of patience and inner qualities for the mother, contributing to life experiences and understanding of life.
The title at the beginning of the article was “Good children are not born that way,” so in conclusion, I summarize with one sentence: “Good mothers are not born that way either.”
