月份: 2023 年 1 月

對孩子發怒前 家長先反問自己這3個問題

撰文：明愛康復服務臨床心理學家余國婷

有些家長性格可能比較衝動，甚至習慣將問題歸咎於孩子身上，例如孩子不聽話、故意激怒家長或頑皮等。而當孩子做不到自己要求時會對孩子發怒，但這樣會令孩子逐漸疏遠父母，長遠下來會破壞親子關係。

父母的性格、原生家庭及在不途徑學習的育兒方法，都會影響親子的相處模式及親子關係。而大人想法本身都會影響大人的心情，如果大人發現自己與小朋友相處，經常出現衝突，影響了親子關係，我們可以向自己反問3個問題：

1. 有否其他可能性

假如孩子不能按照父母要求完全功課，父母的第一想法大多是孩子只顧玩樂而不做功課，但真正原因可能是他們不懂得做，需要家長的指導，如果家長把先入為主的想法當作事實，可能就會忽略孩子的需要和困難，破壞親子關係。

2. 自己的想法有否被證實

有些家長常常說孩子是「故意惹怒他」，然後把孩子的行為看作是孩子不聽話，但可能孩子做出行為的原因只是不小心，但父母就被主觀感覺影響誤會了孩子。

3. 自己的想法對目標有幫助嗎？

如果家長的目標是希望修補親子關係，但自己經常抱持孩子是「故意和自己作對」的想法，這種想法對自己的目標真的有幫助嗎？家長可以嘗試找一些比較現實、有理據的想法，才能幫助自己達到目標。

Eye rubbing too much. What to do if eye inflammation?

Written
by : Dr Cheung Kit

 

Every child has his or her own characteristics. As a parent, you may not be able to tell what your child is trying to express by their expressions, behaviors and vocalizations. Take the example of a child’s reaction to dozing, the form of expression varies from person to person.Some may cry, some may lose their temper, some may rub their eyes, or a variety of other reactions. Among the many reactions, in my position as a doctor, the most unwanted habit is “rubbing eyes” because this will easily cause inflammation.

Eye inflammation is not caused by unclean hands？

Interestingly, the inflammation was not due to the child’s unclean hands, but to other causes. In this case, the inflammation was not initially caused by bacteria, but by a blockage of the secretory glands near the eyelashes. When the hand rubs against the eye, the originally open ventral outlet is disrupted by the external pressure, causing pressure in the gland as the oil cannot be expelled, which then causes an inflammatory reaction. This inflammatory reaction is superficially the same as a normal bacterial inflammation. The difference is that in this case, antibiotics (topical and oral) are not effective. The correct method is to do warm compresses for your eyes, which is intended to open the blocked outlet and make the inflammation disappear slowly.

=How to treat eye acne？

To treat an existing eye acne, besides seeing a doctor, the most basic method is to do warm compresses as described above. Choose a reheatable heat pack or use a lightly heated towel. Do warm compresses for 5 minutes, 3 times a day. The need for antibiotics is at the discretion of the doctor. However, the following principles apply.

– Whether the inflammation of the eye acne exceeds the normal case

– Is there any bacterial inflammation of the conjunctiva?

– Is the tissue around the eye red and painful?

– Whether the child is able to control his or her own eye rubbing to reduce the possibility of bacterial inflammation

Early treatment of ophthalmia

If the inflammation is not controlled, the swelling may not disappear on its own. In this case, surgical release of the swelling is a must. Although it may sound scary, the procedure is actually a simple one and only requires local anaesthesia. Therefore,  parents only need to follow the doctor’s advice and they can rest assured.

All in all, our biggest fear is not that our children’s hands are dirty, but that they keep rubbing eyes. If the eye infection is caused by nasal allergy, eye allergy and eczema, parents must take it seriously. Parents should feel free to use medication when they want to, without having to worry about how long it will take and the side effects that may occur.

Letting go and letting your child become an independent person

Written by: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion　

　　　       Lam Ho Pui Yee

 

From childhood to adulthood, independence does not happen overnight. From the cradle to society, this journey is made up of countless small steps, and every small step in a child’s development is an opportunity for parents to learn to let go.

Because we can’t be with our children all our lives and take care of them until they grow old, we as parents should know how to let go in a timely manner. The purpose of letting go is to help your child grow and become an independent person who can take responsibility for himself. This kind of love has deep meaning.

 

How to let go

1.      love and discipline go hand in hand

Many parents want to be friends with their children, but respect is not an indulgence. In my opinion, being a friend to your child means that you want to share and communicate more about each other’s inner worlds, but not in respectful way, children still need the guidance of their parents. Instead of worrying about how to be your child’s friend, you should think and learn how to be your child’s coach and spiritual support. Therefore, listening to children and observing their behavior is the first step in teaching children self-regulation. By learning to listen to their children, parents will be able to understand their children’s potential, interests and passions, and give them the help and support they need to let go.

Give children the opportunity to deal with things and learn from their mistakes

 Many parents seem to forget that a crying baby eventually learns to sleep without being held, or the joy and emotion of seeing a The ecstasy and emotion of seeing a baby take its first steps without the support of someone. When a child faces conflict, problems or mistakes, parents should not rush to advocate, step in or make amends. Never deprive your child of the opportunity to learn from mistakes and failures, because children learn the ability to advocate for themselves and solve problems, and to take responsibility for the consequences of their choices or actions. In the process of letting go, you allow your child to try mistakes and accept failure.      

2.       Delay in meeting the needs of the child

We need to let go of the myth that parents don’t have to meet what their children want. In setting boundaries, it is important to delay gratification. We need to distinguish between our child’s “wants” and “needs. When a child asks for something, don’t just give him what he wants. You can wait until his birthday to give him a gift or encourage him to save up to buy it. Many parents in the West encourage their children to help their neighbors hoe their lawns to earn pocket money to buy things they want, because they will appreciate the things they have worked hard for through their own efforts.

 

In addition to helping children grow and feel responsible for their own lives, there is a higher value in letting go, which is to turn small love into big love. Parents need to learn to let go and bless their children to pursue their lives. When you start to let go, you will find that there is infinite space in life.

 

 

以下是為了能夠滿足段落所需的長度而定義的無意義內文，請自行參酌編排。

分類
家長園地 家長園地 家長園地

“Baked in sweat” when fever. Does sweating help reduce fever?

Written by : Dr Chiu Cheung Shing

There are some “folk wisdoms” about dealing with fever, and the most commonly heard one is that if you are “baked in sweat” when you have a fever, you will naturally get better. However, is there any medical basis and effectiveness for this saying?

In fact, sweating will never cure any disease, and there is no medical basis for this claim. Although some children can get rid of fever after “being baked in  sweat”, 4 out of 100 children may have higher body temperature and cramps due to “be baked in sweat”, and even if the fever goes down, the disease is not cured.

 

What are the effective ways to dissipate heat?

 

There are several ways to dissipate heat are very effective. The first method is based on Physic principles, such as not letting the child wear too much clothes to help dissipate the heat. The second method is to bathe your child in warm or lukewarm water. In addition, your child can be given oral antipyretics as directed by your doctor. When your child has a high fever and vomits badly, some anal plugs can also be used to reduce fever.

In the long run, once the child’s condition has stabilized, he or she needs to drink more water because each drink increases the amount of urine, which naturally helps to dissipate fever and detoxify the body.

Don’t be the “audience” for your child’s “acting”

Written by: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion　

　　　         Lam Ho Pui Yee

 

Praise is often misunderstood and misused. Some parents think that praise is a “cure-all” medicine and that their children will accept any praise they are given. In fact, children can’t accept sarcastic praise, and it will only turn them off and backfire. Appropriate praise is more effective than harsh punishment. Some comments can be hurtful and can even affect a child’s personality development for the rest of his or her life. Successful parents take advantage of opportunities to praise or encourage their children, as timely and appropriate praise can be motivating and inspiring, enabling children to grow in the right direction.

 

Smile and make eye contact at the same time

When praising your child, parents must smile and look into your child’s eyes at the same time. Such sincere feelings are the happiest and overflowing. Because praise is a double-edged sword – the right kind of praise will make a person feel confident and happy and move forward, but the wrong kind of praise will make a child lose his or her way and stagnate.

 

For example, when a child refuses to “sit down”, the parent should say “please sit down” with a matching expression. If the child is willing to comply, the parent can praise him immediately and then play a fun game with him. But if the child still does not comply, the parent can immediately take the child away from the scene to divert attention and guide him to follow instructions. Or when you tell the child to put the toy away, but he still looks at you and tosses the toy, testing to see if you will let him go. You can then say to him in a calm and gentle tone, “Please put the toys away gently,” or “Let’s learn to put away the toys together, okay?

Guide your child to understand that expression is appropriate

 

Parents don’t have to tolerate their children’s bad behavior and minimize arguing or reassuring remarks, which only gives the child more room to continue “acting out” because they have found an “audience”, and some children may even be aggravated by your ignoring them or getting upset. We need to guide our children to understand that the only way to get what they want is to express themselves in an appropriate way. As long as the parent persists, the child will understand that the behavior will not get the parent’s attention and will naturally give up.

If the child stops this behavior, the parent can respond immediately by praising him for being quiet and then diverting his attention to other activities. Whenever a child receives praise from others, he or she will naturally exude confidence and joy, as well as a sense of trust and affection for the person who praised him or her. However, the repetition of a single form of praise over time can be ineffective, so parents should be careful to be creative in their praise.

Pay attention to the tone of voice and lead by example

Children are a gift from God, and it is only through love that other aspects of accomplishment do not become a form of bragging and pride. The difference in the tone of voice is enough to affect the parent-child relationship of detachment or closeness. Parents’ emotions and behaviors are related to their children’s future learning attitudes and personality traits. Because children mostly learn by groping and imitation, children will observe their parents’ treatment of others and use of words and phrases to learn their own emotional management and interpersonal relationships, so the importance of parents leading by example cannot be ignored. Even a hug, a smile or a look can establish a kind of appreciation. Parents are far more influential to children than teachers or peers. The more encouragement a child receives as they grow, the better it will be for their future development.

Each child has different characteristics, and parents should observe and explore their potential, allowing them to develop according to their strengths. “Encouragement helps children to grow, while scolding makes them timid. But the two must go hand in hand and not be biased.” Only through a clear distinction between rewards and punishments can children feel loved by their parents and know how to face mistakes and take responsibility for their own development.

Siblings often quarrel with each other and the role of parents is especially important.

Written by : Founder of Family Dynamics

               Marriage and Family Therapist

               Children Play Therapist          

Ng Yee Kam


In recent play therapy cases, several of the children’s emotional problems were related to their young siblings’ relationship. Most of these problems were not caused by major arguments, but rather by subtle interactions in which each child was seeking the mother’s attention, comparing how much positive feedback they received from each other, and comparing who the mother “loved” more! Children often fight with each other because they are jealous of their siblings and take the opportunity to vent their frustrations.

 

It is true that everyone is “biased” and so are parents. Both inborn and nurtured personalities can lead to a preference for certain behaviors and behavioral patterns. If parents do not think about this, they will not suddenly become more open-minded because their children are their own.

 

Parents may be more appreciative of certain traits and more resistant to certain traits in their children’s different personalities. This is understandable. The problem is that parents must be aware of this situation and be aware of it and allow themselves to grow beyond the narrow framework of their parental role, increase the breadth and width of their own vision, learn to appreciate the differences in their children’s personalities, and appreciate their children’s unique strengths from the bottom of their hearts, and pass them on in their daily lives so that their children can receive them and affirm themselves. This will prevent the problem of sibling rivalry from worsening and causing unnecessary jealousy and suspicion in children.

 

The mother’s role is especially important during the early years of a child’s life because the quality of the mother’s interaction with the child has a critical impact on the child’s self-worth and sense of security. In these recent cases, it was not uncommon to find that the children had a sibling in the family who was cheerful, understanding, and liked to express herself, and was well liked by adults and teachers. I could see the mother’s joy and pride when describing her child. No wonder the children in these cases often felt compared to the others because they were more introverted, reticent, shy and cautious.

One mother was aware of the need to appreciate her son’s abilities, so she kept praising him, but in terms of character, she inadvertently encouraged her son to follow her sister’s example by expressing himself more and integrating into the group. However, this is not the nature of the child’s character and makes the child suspect that there must be something wrong with his or her character that cannot be accepted by the mother. This internal pain can easily turn into jealous emotions towards the elder sister, making the parents feel that the child’s attitude towards his/her sister is unreasonable, and further preventing the child from breaking out of this negative cycle.

 

 

I suggest that parents should not compare their children. For children who are more introverted, shy, reticent and cautious, they should be more reassuring: “ You do not need to force yourself to play with children like your brother, you quietly observe is already a kind of participation, when you feel at ease then go out to play is not too late. Or, “Not every child needs to be as talkative as their elder sister or like to perform in front of people; Mom likes it when you can express yourself as you see fit. “

For children who are more reactive and impulsive, listen to them first and then help them correct their behavior if it is safe to do so: “You are reacting so strongly to hit your brother, you must feel very angry inside, let me hear how you feel, okay? Sometimes parents do have to deal with their children “fighting for something,” but more often than not, what parents need to do is to meet their children’s psychological and emotional needs and affirm their true nature, so that their children can naturally get along well.

學習放手 讓孩子成為獨立自主的人

撰文：GLP 全力愛創辦人兼義務總幹事

　　　林何佩儀

孩子從孩童到成年，獨立不是一夕之間發生。從搖籃到出社會，這段人生旅程是由無數小步走出來的，而孩子成長過程中的每一小步，都是父母學習放手的機會。

 

因為我們無法陪伴孩子一輩子，照顧他到老，所以身為父母，要懂得適時的放手。放手是為了幫助孩子成長，讓他成為一個獨立自主的人，並且能夠為自己負責，這樣的愛才深具意義。 

怎樣放手

1.  愛與紀律並行

許多父母想要和孩子做朋友，但尊重並不是放任。筆者認為，做孩子的朋友，是想和孩子分享、溝通彼此更多的內心世界，但不是沒大沒小，孩子仍需要父母的引導。與其苦惱如何當孩子的朋友，不如好好思考與學習如何成為孩子的教練和精神支柱。所以，傾聽孩子的聲音，觀察他們的行為，是教育孩子自我規範的第一步。父母學會傾聽孩子，將有助於了解孩子的潛能、興趣與熱情所在，也才能給予孩子需要的協助與支持，就能放手。

1.  給孩子機會處理事情，從錯誤中學習

 

許多父母似乎忘了，哭泣的嬰兒最終要學會沒有人抱著而入睡，也忘了當年看到幼兒在沒有人的扶持而踏出第一步的狂喜和感動。當孩子面對衝突、問題或做錯時，父母不要急著代言、出手或善後。千萬不要剝奪孩子從錯誤、失敗中學習的機會，因為孩子可以從中學習到為自己主張以及解決問題的能力，以及為自己的選擇或行為的後果負起責任。放手的過程中，你要允許孩子嘗試錯誤，並接受失敗。

 

3. 延遲滿足孩子的需求

我們要放掉一種迷思，不是孩子想要的東西，做父母的都要滿足。在設定界限中，延遲滿足很重要，我們要區分孩子的「想要」和「需要」。孩子要求某樣東西時，不要有求必應，你可以等到他生日時送他，或鼓勵他自己存錢買。西方很多父母，都會鼓勵孩子去幫鄰居鋤草賺取零用錢，來購買自己想要的東西，因為透過自己努力，辛苦得來的東西，他們會比較懂得珍惜。

 

放手除了幫助孩子成長，讓他對自己該負的責任有感覺之外，還有一個更崇高的價值，就是化小愛為大愛。父母要學習放手，祝福孩子去追求他的人生。當你開始放手時，你會發現，原來生命有無限寬廣的空間。

捽眼捽唔停 眼發炎點做好？

撰文：張傑醫生

每個孩子都有自己的特性。作為父母未必能夠從他們的表情、行為和發聲便知道孩子想表達的東西。就以孩子打瞌睡的反應，每個人的表達形式也有不同，有的人會大哭；有的人會發脾氣；有的人會揉眼睛，或是其他各種各樣的反應。在眾多的反應中，在筆者醫生的立場，最不要得的習慣是「捽眼」。因為這很容易會引起發炎的情況。

 

眼睛發炎非雙手不潔淨所導致？

 

有趣的是，發炎不是因為孩子雙手不潔淨，而是其他原因。原來，在這情況下，發炎起初不是因為細菌的引起，而是因為眼睫毛附近的分泌腺體阻塞所致。在手部摩擦眼睛時，原本暢通的腹體出口會被外來的壓力所破壞，令油脂因不能夠被排出而在腺體內造成壓力，繼而引起發炎反應。這種發炎反應的表面上與一般細菌性發炎無異。而分別在於在這情況下，用上抗生素（外塗和口服）都沒有作用。而較正確的方法是使用熱敷，目的是讓熱量加通阻塞的出口，令炎症慢慢消失。

如何治療眼瘡？

要治療已出現的眼瘡，除了看醫生外，最基本的方法是，如上述，可用熱敷。選擇可重複加熱的熱敷包或使用微熱的毛巾。每天分 3 次，按敷 5 分鐘。至於會否需要使用抗生素，醫生會自行判斷。但是一般基於以下幾個原則：

• 眼瘡的發炎程度會否超越一般的個案

•結膜有否相關細菌發炎的情況

•眼周圍組織有否紅腫和疼痛

•孩子能否控制自己擦眼睛，以減少細菌發炎的可能

 

患上眼炎應及早醫治

倘若控制不了發炎的情況，腫粒可能未能自行消失。這時候，手術式放腫是必須的做法。聽起來，雖然有點恐怖，但是其實過程只是很簡單的步驟，而且只需要局部麻醉。所以，父母只需跟從醫生的建議便可以放心。

說到尾，我們最怕不是孩子的雙手骯髒，而是怕他們不停揉的動作。如果是因為鼻敏感、眼敏感和濕疹引起眼炎的話，父母必須正視。家長要用藥時就放膽用藥，不必拘泥於用藥多久及未必會出現的副作用。

分類
家長園地 家長園地 家長園地 家長園地 家長園地 家長園地 家長園地

發燒時焗一身汗有助退燒?

撰文：趙長成醫生

坊間對處理發燒有一些口耳相傳的「民間智慧」，而最常聽到的是在發燒時焗一身的汗，病就自然會好。不過，這種說法又有沒有醫學根據和效用呢？

其實出汗絕對不會醫治到任何疾病的，而且此說法並沒有醫學根據。雖然有一部分小朋友在焗汗後可以退燒，不過同步100個之中有4 個小朋友，可能會因為焗汗而令他們的體溫變得更高，也有機會出現抽筋情況，而且即使退了燒，疾病也並沒有得到根治。

有哪些有效的散熱方法？

 

有幾種散熱的方法都很有效，第一種方法是根據物理原理，例如不要讓孩子穿過多的衣服，以幫助散熱。第二種方法是用暖水或溫水替孩子洗澡。另外，可按醫生指示，讓孩子服用口服退燒藥，當孩子發高燒和嘔吐得很嚴重時，用一些塞肛門的退燒藥也可。

長遠而言，當孩子病情穩定後就需要多喝水，因為每次喝水也能增加小便量，自然有助散熱和排毒。

別成為孩子「表演」的「觀眾」

撰文：GLP 全力愛創辦人兼總幹事

　　　林何佩儀

讚賞經常會被誤解和誤用，有些家長認為讚賞是「萬靈藥」，任何的讚賞，孩子都會照單全收。其實，孩子無法接受語帶諷刺的讚賞，這樣只會令孩子反感，適得其反，不知方向。對待孩子，給予適當的讚賞比嚴厲的責罰更有效。有些說話會對孩子造成傷害，甚至會影響孩子一生的人格發展。成功的父母要把握可以讚賞或鼓勵孩子的機會，因為適時適當的讚賞能發揮激勵和鼓舞作用，使孩子能朝着一個正確的方向成長。

 

同時展露笑容與有眼神接觸

家長在讚賞孩子時，一定要同時展露笑容，並注視孩子雙眼，這樣真摯的感受是最幸福洋溢的。因為，讚賞是一把雙刃劍 ─
恰當的讚賞，會讓人如沐春風，自信愉悅，努力向前；但錯誤的讚賞卻會弄巧反拙，讓孩子迷失方向，停滯不前。

 

例如當孩子不肯「坐定定」時，家長應配合表情跟他說「請你坐下」。如果孩子願意服從，家長可馬上稱讚他，然後跟他玩有趣的遊戲。但如果孩子仍然不服從，家長可立即帶小孩離開現場，轉移注意力及引導他跟從指示。或者當你告訴孩子把玩具放好，但他仍一邊看著你，一邊用力丟玩具，試探你會否放過他。於是你可以用平靜溫和的語調跟他說：「請溫柔地將玩具放好」，或者「我們一起學習收拾玩具，好嗎？」

引導孩子明白表達方式要得宜

父母不需要款待孩子的不良行為，並盡量減少爭辯或安慰的說話，這只會給予孩子更多空間繼續「表演」，因為他們找到了「觀眾」，甚至有些孩子可能因為你的忽視或者鬧情緒，令不良行為變本加厲。我們要引導孩子明白，只有合宜的表達方式，才能得到他們想要的東西。只要父母堅持下去，孩子就會明白這些行為是不會得到父母的注意，自然就會放棄。

如果孩子停止這行為，父母就可以即時給他反應，讚賞他原來也可以很安靜，然後轉移他的注意力到其他活動上。只要孩子受到別人的讚賞，自然會散發出自信與喜悅，同時也會對讚賞自己的人產生信賴感和親切感。不過，長期重複單一的表揚方式會失去效用，所以家長在表揚時也應注意要有新意。

留意說話語氣　以身作則

孩子是上天賜予我們的禮物，只有在愛裡面，其他方面的成就感才不會變成一種炫耀和驕傲。說話語氣的不同，足以影響親子關係的疏離或親近；父母的情緒和行為關係著孩子未來的學習態度和人格特質。因為孩子大多在摸索與模仿中學習，孩子會觀察父母的待人接物和用字遣詞，進而學習自己的情緒管理以及人際相處，所以父母以身作則的重要性是不容忽視的。即使是一個擁抱、一個微笑、一個眼神，都能成立一種讚賞。對孩子而言，父母的影響力遠勝於師長或同儕。在孩子成長過程中，得到愈多鼓勵，對他們未來的發展愈有幫助。

 

每個孩子都有不同的特點，父母應該觀察並發掘他們的潛能，讓他們順著自己的優勢去發展。「鼓勵可以使孩子成長，責罵卻會讓孩子膽怯。但兩者仍須並行，不可偏頗。」唯有賞罰分明，才能讓孩子感受到父母的關愛，並懂得面對錯誤並承擔責任，健全發展。

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