月份: 2024 年 3 月

勿因升小 殘害孩子心理
Don’t let the promotion of a child to the next grade harm the child’s psyche

撰文：八爪魚家長 梁永樂先生

 

小一自行分配學位報名已告截止，家長「買定離手」只好聽天由命，現時至放榜期間的一段日子，於政府派位制度下唯一可做就是「呆等」。仍有小部分直資和私立學校接受報名，不甘心準備參與統一派位大抽獎的家長，可盡力一試直資和私立學校，而且坊間有不少網頁都有關於自資和私立的報名截止時間的列表。至於已報讀直資和私立學校的學生家長，尤其是大包圍的家長，現時全力籌劃密集式面試之餘，筆者亦不得不提醒家長要以孩子的心理健康為最優先考慮。

 

密集式面試殘害孩子心理

人類總是愛重複犯錯，每年 9 至 10 月面試高峰期剛過去，社會上都有不少有心人和關懷孩子心理健康的機構提醒，勿讓密集式面試殘害孩子的心理。以筆者記憶所及，最驚嚇的報紙標題是「難抵密集式升小一面試　5 歲女童抑鬱想跳樓」。小小5、6 歲人兒，仍不知道小學生活是怎樣的一回事，學校優劣是否名校，全因為家長的形容「這間是名校，但入了另一間就『大鑊』」等等，令孩子不明所以，於是產生沉重壓力。曾有精神科醫生或團體調查，不少孩子因此出現抑鬱及焦慮症病徵，兼有尋死念頭，需即時接受治療。

 

鬱悶在心有口難言

猶記得當日做記者的年代，筆者訪問資深校長、精神科醫生，部分孩子性格比較內向和慢熱，在最忙時，可能一天走幾場面試，與大批陌生校長和老師恭恭敬敬地玩遊戲，扮用心對答，事後家長又反覆追問「遊戲、對答」的內容，甚至無端端被罵或指導回答內容，一時間難免無法承受。

Written by: Octopus Parent, Mr. Leung Wing Lok

 

The registration for Primary One discretionary places has closed, and parents who have “bought and left” can only resign themselves to fate. During the period from now until the release of the allocation results, the only thing that can be done under the government’s school allocation system is to “wait idly.” There are still a small number of Direct Subsidy Scheme (DSS) and private schools accepting applications. Parents who are unwilling to participate in the lottery for the central allocation can try their luck with DSS and private schools. Moreover, there are many websites that list the application deadlines for self-financed and private schools. For parents of students who have already applied to DSS and private schools, especially those who are preparing intensively for interviews, I must remind parents to prioritize their children’s mental health.

 

Intensive interviews harm children’s psychology

Humans always tend to repeat mistakes. Every year, after the peak period of interviews in September and October has passed, there
are many well-intentioned people and organizations concerned with children’s mental health reminding us not to let intensive interviews harm children’s psychology. From what I remember, the most shocking newspaper headline was “Unable to withstand the intensive interviews for Primary One, a 5-year-old girl becomes depressed and wants to jump off a building.” These young children, only 5 or 6 years old, still do not understand what primary school life is about, nor do they know the difference between good and bad schools. It’s all because of how parents describe them, saying “This is a prestigious school, but if you get into another one, it’s a disaster,” and so on, leaving the children confused and thus under immense pressure. There have been investigations by psychiatrists or groups showing that many children have developed symptoms of depression and anxiety, including suicidal thoughts, and need immediate treatment.

 

Depression that cannot be voiced

I remember, during my days as a journalist, interviewing veteran principals and psychiatrists. Some children, especially those who are more introverted and slow to warm up, might go through several interviews in a day during the busiest times. They play games and answer questions respectfully in front of a large number of unfamiliar principals and teachers. Afterwards, parents repeatedly ask about the content of the “games and answers,” and even scold or instruct them on how to respond without any reason, making it inevitable for some to be unable to bear it.

筆者自己成為家長後，更加緊記著該精神科醫生所言，家長不單要留意孩子的生活習慣轉變，例如忽然對平日愛好失去興趣，看電視、讀書和玩具，全部放在一邊等等不正常改變，更重要是家長應留意自己的改變，家長有否因為替孩子準備履歷表和緊張面試，而在家變身成為「Hulk」 般長期憤怒狀態，或者與孩子講故事、玩耍和放假戶外活動等等親子活動全部暫停。試問家長變升小一怪獸，孩子怎可能獨善其身呢？

 

家長尤其請緊記，孩子只有5 至6歲，仍未懂得表達心中的鬱悶及壓力，甚至不捨得向父母發脾氣，鬱在心裡口難開。即使不至於心理病，萬一親子關係破裂，也再難修復。親子之間的信任就像紙張，當你把它弄皺後，你永遠都不能再把它回復原狀。

 

本篇比較苦口婆心，筆者不知道顧及孩子升小的心理變化算不算是選校策略或貼士，只知道家長總會緊張孩子的前途，但請記得當孩子出生時，經常掛在口邊對孩子的期許是：「健康快樂成長，做個有用的人就足夠了」，但當小一前途問題的考慮來臨，你有忘記初衷嗎？

After becoming a parent myself, I have become even more mindful of what the psychiatrist said. Parents should not only pay attention to changes in their children’s daily habits, such as suddenly losing interest in their usual hobbies like watching TV, reading, and playing with toys—all of which are abnormal changes. More importantly, parents should be aware of their own changes. Have parents, in the process of preparing resumes and getting nervous about interviews, turned into a ‘Hulk’ at home, constantly in a state of anger, or have they put a halt to parent-child activities such as storytelling, playing, and outdoor activities during holidays? If parents transform into Primary One monsters, how can children possibly remain unaffected?

 

Parents, please remember, children are only 5 to 6 years old and still do not know how to express the depression and pressure in their hearts. They may even be reluctant to show anger towards their parents, keeping their feelings bottled up inside. Even if it doesn’t lead to psychological illness, if the parent-child relationship is broken, it can be very difficult to repair. The trust between parent and child is like a piece of paper; once you crumple it, you can never return it to its original state.

 

This article may sound a bit preachy, and I don’t know if considering the psychological changes in children when choosing a school counts as a strategy or tip. I only know that parents are always anxious about their children’s future, but please remember the wish you often expressed when your child was born: “To grow up healthy and happy, and to become a useful person is enough.” But when faced with considerations for Primary One, have you forgotten your original intention?

一個在 5 分鐘內令「怪獸家長」開竅的故事
A story that enlightens ‘monster parents’ in 5 minutes’

撰文：資深升學專家、輔導教師協會榮譽顧問 趙榮德先生

 

如果你問我，在數十年教學過程中，最令我難忘的是哪些片段，我會毫不猶豫的答是使人開竅的故事。為甚麼開竅的片段這樣吸引我呢？因為開竅是一種「高層次教育」，而筆者深愛教育，所以開竅的片段特別難忘。

 

下面是筆者使一位「怪獸家長」開竅的故事。為甚麼那家長變成怪獸呢？因為他「出盡法寶」令兒子得獎！而筆者只用 5 分鐘便把他「點醒」了！

 

那位「怪獸家長」是位專業人士，他對兒子要求甚高，年年都要兒子在學校取得全能獎 (Best All Round Student)。他的兒子在筆者任教的學校，已連續 2 年奪取該一級別的全能獎了，第 3 年他和兒子繼續努力，希望做個「帽子」戲法，連中 3 年！

 

學生和父親一早知道學校重視哪些項目，於是他就在那些重點項目全力出擊，怎料那年突生變故，學校把某些科目的分數分量加重，就這樣一改，那位學生變成只能屈居第二。學生和父親知道得不到第一後大怒，做爸爸的毫不客氣撥電話「聲討」修士校長。仁慈的修士校長連續被該家長「煩」了兩天，終於將「球」傳給筆者，他對我說：「彼得，這位家長每天和我傾談了半小時的電話，一定要我把他兒子升上第一，使我完全不能處理其他學校的工作。你快來幫忙，我把家長的電話號碼給你。」

Written by: Mr. Chiu Wing Tak, a senior education expert and honorary advisor to the Association of Careers Masters and Guidance Masters

 

If you ask me, in the decades of teaching experience, what are the most unforgettable moments, I would unhesitatingly answer the stories that enlighten people. Why am I so attracted to enlightening moments? Because enlightenment is a form of “higher-level education,” and as someone who deeply loves education, these moments are particularly memorable.

 

Below is a story of how I enlightened a “monster parent.” Why did this parent become a monster? Because he “pulled out all the stops” to make his son win awards! And I “woke him up” in just 5 minutes!

 

The “monster parent” was a professional who had very high expectations for his son, demanding that his son win the Best All-Round Student award at school every year. His son had been attending the school where I taught and had already won the all-round award for his grade level for two consecutive years. In the third year, he and his son continued to work hard, hoping to achieve a “hat trick” by winning for three consecutive years!

 

The student and his father were well aware of the areas the school emphasized, so they focused all their efforts on those key areas. However, that year, an unexpected change occurred when the school increased the weighting of certain subjects’ scores. As a result of this change, the student ended up in second place. Upon learning that he would not be first, both the student and his father were furious. The father did not hesitate to call and vehemently protest to the Brother Principal. The kind-hearted Brother Principal was bothered by the parent for two days straight, and finally passed the matter to me, saying, “Peter, this parent has been talking to me on the phone for half an hour every day, insisting that I promote his son to first place, which has completely prevented me from dealing with other school matters. Please help me out; I’ll give you the parent’s phone number.”

婉轉相勸　明白要及早面對失敗

筆者在了解事情的來龍去脈之後，立即致電給這位家長。筆者明白這位家長非常愛錫兒子的，因此一開始時筆者便這樣說：「T先生，我知道你很疼愛你的兒子，你的兒子在學業和課外活動方面亦做得非常好。」

那位家長和應：「沒錯！」

「你的兒子在中一、中二已經先後兩次取得全能獎，你想他在今年中三也取得這個獎，亦是人之常情，但…」在這裡，筆者停了停。「一個人不能永遠只有成功，沒有失敗的。既然早晚亦要面對失敗，T先生，你希望你的兒子早些面對失敗，還是晚一點才面對呢？」

那位家長亦是個「話頭醒尾」之人，立即說：「你是想我不再追究嗎？」

「不是，我只想你為兒子著想，讓他早些接受小型失敗。將來面對大型的失敗時，自然會懂得面對！」

家長想了想，應道：「我明白趙老師的意思，我不再追究，多謝你的解釋！」

筆者怎樣使該位家長開竅呢？答案是：我使他破除執著。他有甚麼執著？他執著於一個牢不可破的信念 — 一個好的家長，必須盡一己所能幫兒子成功。筆者從他的角度，欣賞他的努力，但同時婉轉地告訴他，幫助兒子早些接受失敗，也可以是一個好家長。他是一位聰明人，聽到筆者的弦外之音，如不讓兒子早些接受挫折，遲些可能傷得更慘，因此，他頓然開竅，接受筆者的忠告。

ETactfully persuade to understand the need to face failure early

After understanding the ins and outs of the matter, I immediately called the parent. I understand that this parent loves his son very much, so he started by saying, “Mr. T, I know you love your son dearly, and your son is also doing very well in academics and extracurricular activities.”

The parent responded, “Exactly!”

“Your son has already won the all-around award in both the first and second years of middle school, so it’s only natural that you would want him to win it again in his third year. But…” I paused here. “A person cannot always succeed without failing. Since failure is inevitable sooner or later, Mr. T, would you prefer your son to face failure sooner rather than later?”

The parent, being a person who “gets to the point,” immediately said, “Are you suggesting I should stop pursuing this matter?”

“Not at all, I just want you to consider what’s best for your son, to let him experience minor failures early on. This way, when he faces major failures in the future, he will naturally know how to handle them!”

After some thought, the parent replied, “I understand Mr. Zhao’s point. I won’t pursue it further, thank you for your explanation!”

How did I make the parent see the reason? The answer is: I helped him break free from his fixation. What was his fixation? He was fixated on an unbreakable belief – that a good parent must do everything within their power to ensure their child’s success. From his perspective, I appreciated his efforts, but also gently told him that helping his son accept failure early could also be the mark of a good parent. Being a wise person, he understood the implied message that not allowing his son to face setbacks early could lead to worse pain later. Thus, he suddenly saw the light and accepted my advice.

我的小朋友每日有吃蔬果，但排便仍然很辛苦，怎麼辦？
My child eats fruits and vegetables every day but still struggles with bowel movements. What should I do?

撰文：註冊公共衛生營養學家（英國）營養師 吳珮瑜

 

相信很多父母都曾遇到小朋友排便困難的問題。當此問題出現時，父母通常會增加小朋友飲食中的纖維量，而效果就因人而異，當中要留意甚麼呢？

 

何謂適量纖維？

很多人都知道，多吃含高纖維素的食物如全穀類、堅果、豆類、水果（如西梅、無花果、奇異果、香蕉、蘋果、梨等）及瓜菜（如茄子、燈籠椒、金針菜、莧菜、西蘭花、椰菜、芥菜、菠菜、芥蘭、雪耳、菇類等）都可刺激腸道蠕動。原來纖維素吸收水分後，會像海綿般變軟發大，刺激便意。足夠的纖維素亦有助促進腸道益菌的生長，可改善便秘。值得注意的是，要增加飲食中的纖維含量，要循序漸進，每隔數天慢慢增加，否則身體未能適應，反而會令大便更乾硬。

 

兒童每天所需的膳食纖維量，是他的年齡加 5 克。例如：一位 4 歲的兒童，每天膳食纖維攝取量為 4+5=9 克左右。要攝取足夠的纖維素，2 至 5 歲的小朋友每天需要最少 1.5 份蔬菜類（1 份 ＝ 1/2 碗熟菜）及最少 1 份水果類 （1 份 = 1 個中型水果，如橙或蘋果）。

Written by: Registered Public Health Nutritionist (UK) and Nutritionist, Ng Pui Yu

 

Many parents have encountered the issue of their children having difficulty with bowel movements. When this problem arises, parents usually increase the fiber content in their children’s diet, but the effectiveness varies from person to person. What should be noted in this process?

 

What is an appropriate amount of fiber?

Many people know that eating foods high in fiber such as whole grains, nuts, beans, fruits (like prunes, figs, kiwis, bananas, apples, pears, etc.) and vegetables (like eggplants, bell peppers, daylilies, amaranth, broccoli, cabbage, mustard greens, spinach, Chinese broccoli, snow fungus, mushrooms, etc.) can stimulate intestinal peristalsis. It turns out that when fiber absorbs water, it becomes soft and expands like a sponge, stimulating the urge to defecate. Sufficient fiber also helps promote the growth of beneficial bacteria in the intestines, which can improve constipation. It is important to note that when increasing dietary fiber, it should be done gradually, increasing slowly every few days, otherwise, if the body cannot adapt, it may make the stool even harder.

The daily dietary fiber requirement for children is their age plus 5 grams. For example, a 4-year-old child should have a daily dietary fiber intake of about 4+5=9 grams. To consume enough fiber, children aged 2 to 5 years old need at least 1.5 servings of vegetables (1 serving = 1/2 bowl of cooked vegetables) and at least 1 serving of fruit (1 serving = 1 medium-sized fruit, such as an orange or apple) per day.

水分真的足夠嗎？

 

經常有父母聲稱，小朋友已經喝很多水，但排便情況仍不理想。細問下，發現原來一天只喝 500 至 600 毫升左右，水分實在不足夠。家長要知道，纖維素與水分是合作伙伴，要有足夠水分讓纖維素吸收，才可漲大變軟，刺激腸道蠕動。若只有足夠纖維素而水分不足，反而會使大便乾硬，更難排便。其實2至5 歲的小朋友每天需要  4 至 5  杯流質飲料，即約 1000 至 1250 毫升，而當中最好至少一半以上是清水。若天氣炎熱或乾燥、出汗多、運動量多、飲食中纖維量增加等則需要飲用更多水分。

 

此外，每天適量運動亦有助刺激腸道蠕動，幫助排便；，而養成定時如厠的習慣亦有助可改善便秘。

Is the water intake really sufficient?

Often, parents claim that their child drinks a lot of water, but the bowel movements are still not ideal. Upon further inquiry, it turns out that they only drink about 500 to 600 milliliters a day, which is not enough. Parents should know that fiber and water are partners; there must be enough water for the fiber to absorb, swell, and soften, which stimulates intestinal peristalsis. If there is sufficient fiber but not enough water, it can make the stool hard and even more difficult to pass. In fact, children aged 2 to 5 years old need 4 to 5 cups of fluid a day, which is about 1000 to 1250 milliliters, and at least half of this should be plain water. If the weather is hot or dry, if there is a lot of sweating, if the child is very active, or if the dietary fiber intake is increased, then more water should be consumed.

Additionally, daily appropriate exercise can also help stimulate intestinal peristalsis and aid in bowel movements; developing a habit of going to the toilet at regular times can also help improve constipation.

食物纖維含量表（資料來源：衛生署）

食物

膳食纖維含量 (克)

五 穀 類

 

白 飯 1 碗

0.8

糙 米 飯 1 碗

4.5

全 麥 麵 包 1 片

3.4

燕 麥 片 (乾) 1/3 碗

2.7

 

 

水 果 ／ 果 乾 類

 

蘋 果 ， 連 皮 ， 1 個 ( 中 型 )

4.4

橙 1 個 ( 中 型 )

3.1

香 蕉 ( 1隻 )

3.1

西 梅 乾 ， 去 核，3 粒

2.0

提 子 乾 ， 去 籽 ， 小 盒

1.5

杏 脯 乾 ， 去 核 ， 5個

2.6

 

 

蔬 菜 類

 

西 蘭 花 ， 熟 ， 1/2 碗

2.6

芥 蘭 ， 熟 ， 1/2 碗

1.3

生 菜 ， 生 ， 1 碗

0.9

番 茄 ， 生，1 個 ( 中 型 )

1.5

粟 米 粒 ， 熟 ， 1/2 碗

2.0

青 豆 ， 熟 ， 1/2 碗

4.4

番 薯 ， 熟 ， 去 皮 1 個 ( 中 型 )

3.8

 

 

乾 豆 類

 

眉 豆 ， 熟 ， 1/2 碗

5.6

黃 豆 ， 熟 ， 1/2 碗

5.2

紅 豆 ， 熟， 1/2 碗

8.4

綠 豆 ， 熟 ， 1/2 碗

7.7

1 碗 = 240 毫 升

 

註：每人的健康情況都有不同，各位宜向營養師查詢有關個別的飲食計劃及注意事項。

Dietary Fiber Content Chart (Source: Department of Health)

Food

Dietary Fiber Content (grams)

Grains

 

White Rice, 1 bowl

0.8

Brown Rice, 1 bowl

4.5

Whole Wheat Bread, 1 slice

3.4

Oatmeal (Dry), 1/3 bowl

2.7

 

 

Fruits / Dried Fruits

 

Apple, with skin, 1 medium

4.4

Orange, 1 medium

3.1

Banana, 1 piece

3.1

Dried Plums, pitted, 3 pieces

2.0

Raisins, seedless, small box

1.5

Dried Apricots, pitted, 5 pieces

2.6

 

 

Vegetables

 

Broccoli, cooked, 1/2 bowl

2.6

Chinese Broccoli, cooked, 1/2 bowl

1.3

Lettuce, raw, 1 bowl

0.9

Tomato, raw, 1 medium

1.5

Corn Kernels, cooked, 1/2 bowl

2.0

Green Peas, cooked, 1/2 bowl

4.4

Sweet Potato, cooked, peeled, 1 medium

3.8

 

 

Legumes

 

Lima Beans, cooked, 1/2 bowl

5.6

Soybeans, cooked, 1/2 bowl

5.2

Red Beans, cooked, 1/2 bowl

8.4

Mung Beans, cooked, 1/2 bowl

7.7

1 bowl = 240 ml


Note: Everyone’s health condition is different, so it is advisable to consult a dietitian for individual dietary plans and precautions.

分類
家長園地

拖字訣 培育子女耐性
Delaying Tactics for Cultivating Children’s Patience

撰文：新領域潛能發展中心 註冊教育心理學家 彭智華

 

香港是一個物質豐盛的社會，但由於資源過於豐富，當子女在生活上有所需求時，父母就會火速地給予他們充足的供應，讓他們有著持續的滿足。但是，家長太快滿足子女的需要，會對他們有產生不良的影響，未能鍛鍊他們的忍耐的能力，久而久之耐性也會變得有限。

 

活用生活情緒　培育子女耐性

把享樂或生活上的需要推遲，是培養情緒智商(EQ)的重要環節。假如父母習慣很快就滿足子女的需要，但卻埋怨子女的耐性差，其實這種評論對於子女並不公平，因為他們的耐性只是未經培育而已。

 

究竟怎樣才能把子女的需要推遲呢？要訓練子女的情緒智能，秘訣就是「不用反籐條，也不用蝦條」，即既不需要使用體罰，也不常使用獎品，而是透過日常生活中的經歷和體驗去磨練出來，培養出孩子的耐性、等候的能力等等。家長可嘗試參考以下的例子：

 

例一：當父母與子女上茶樓的時候，不需要讓子女喜歡吃甚麼，便立即吃甚麼。父母可要求子女吃完一籠點心時，再等 5 分鐘後才吃第二種點心；又或者是每次當子女想吃一籠點心前，要先等父母吃了一部分才可以吃。如是者，父母與子女輪流吃點心。

 

例二：當子女要求父母買玩具時，父母不必即時買給子女，可向他解釋留待幾小時、幾天或一星期後才購買，要求子女耐心等待。

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist, New Horizons Development Centre

 

Hong Kong is a society abundant in material wealth, but due to the overabundance of resources, when children have needs in life, parents quickly provide them with ample supply, allowing them continuous satisfaction. However, parents satisfying their children’s needs too quickly can have a negative impact on them, failing to cultivate their ability to endure, and over time, their patience may become limited.

 

Utilizing Emotional Intelligence to Cultivate Children’s Patience

Delaying gratification or the fulfillment of life’s needs is an important part of developing emotional intelligence (EQ). If parents are accustomed to quickly satisfying their children’s needs but then complain about their lack of patience, such criticism is unfair to the children, as their patience has simply not been nurtured.

How can one delay the fulfillment of children’s needs? To train children’s emotional intelligence, the secret is “neither using the cane nor the carrot,” meaning that neither corporal punishment nor frequent rewards are necessary. Instead, patience and the ability to wait are cultivated through daily life experiences. Parents can try the following examples:

Example 1: When parents and children go to a dim sum restaurant, there is no need to let the children eat whatever they like immediately. Parents can ask the children to wait for 5 minutes after finishing one basket of dim sum before eating a second type; or they can require the children to wait until the parents have eaten a portion before they can eat. In this way, parents and children take turns eating the dim sum.

Example 2: When children ask their parents to buy toys, parents do not need to purchase them immediately. They can explain to the child to wait a few hours, days, or a week before buying, asking the children to wait patiently.

例三：當子女從街上回到家中時，不要讓他們隨心所欲地立即開電視，必須要求他先把鞋襪放好，喝一杯清水，坐在沙發上等 3 分鐘後，才可以開電視。

 

例四：當子女與父母出門時，不要讓他們立即衝去按升降機的按鈕，父母可要求他等待父母一同出門，一同步行到升降機前，才可按掣。

 

父母要堅持和有信用　鍛鍊子女智能

以上只是一些例子，父母必須好好利用生活細節上的「拖字訣」，使用拖字訣並不代表否定或拒絕子女的需要，而是不即時給予滿足而已。父母要注意的是，當使用這些拖字訣時，必須言出必行，無論子女撒嬌也好、發脾氣也好、哭也好、大叫也好，都要堅持著「拖」的原則；另外，父母也要注意要「有口齒」，答應了子女的事就必須要做。

 

另外，當子女提出要求時，父母可要求子女解釋理由，不但可以訓練子女的情緒智商(EQ)，更可訓練他們的智能(IQ)。只要在子女的生活細節上多下一點功夫，就能夠有效地幫助子女鍛鍊情緒智能，各位父母不妨一試吧！ 

Example 3: When children return home from the street, do not let them turn on the TV immediately as they please. They must be asked to put away their shoes and socks, drink a glass of water, and sit on the sofa for 3 minutes before they can turn on the TV.

Example 4: When children go out with their parents, do not let them rush to press the elevator button immediately. Parents can ask them to wait for the parents to go out together, walk to the elevator together, and then press the button.


Parents Must Be Consistent and Credible to Train Children’s Intelligence

These are just a few examples. Parents must make good use of the “dragging tactic” in life’s details. Using the dragging tactic does not mean denying or refusing the children’s needs, but rather not satisfying them immediately. What parents need to pay attention to is that when using these tactics, they must follow through with what they say. No matter if the children act spoiled, throw a tantrum, cry, or scream, parents must stick to the principle of “dragging”; additionally, parents must also be credible and do what they have promised the children.

Furthermore, when children make requests, parents can ask the children to explain their reasons, which not only trains their emotional intelligence (EQ) but also their intelligence (IQ). By putting a little more effort into the details of children’s lives, parents can effectively help train their children’s emotional intelligence. Parents might as well give it a try!

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親子創意藝術創作
Parent-child creative art creation

撰文：Pario Arts 李素貞主任

 

每個人均擁有創意和藝術潛能，假如得到適當培育的話，可提升個人的美善情操，讓生命更臻完美。在藝術氛圍的營造下，藉多樣化活動啟發個人的創造力、美感和多元能力，以促進全人發展。而「愛」是創造的原動力，在自由、民主、安全及和諧的環境和氣氛下，即「愛的表現」，亦是強調互相包容，悅納不同的意見，尊重別人和接納別人。那麼親子創意藝術創作如何可以表現「愛」呢？筆者在此和各位家長分享自己的看法。

 

親子創意藝術創作的意義 

l  藝術教育由個人做起，家長嘗試接觸藝術創作，從而培養孩子的藝術涵養

l  藝術教育的第一課從「聆聽」和「接納」開始，家長學習接納孩子多元創意的表現方式

l  透過親子共同參與和體驗藝術創作的過程，家長能更貼近和了解孩子的心

l  親子藝術創作有助孩子認識自己、釋放情緒與壓力

l  融入互相欣賞和互相尊重的氣氛，減輕親職壓力與焦慮，進而增進親子關係

l  讓親子愛上創作，把藝術融入生活中，提升生活的素質

Written by: Director of Pario Arts, Lee Sou Jing

 

Everyone has creativity and artistic potential. If properly nurtured, it can enhance one’s moral sentiments and make life more perfect. In the artistic atmosphere, diverse activities inspire individuals’ creativity, aesthetic sense, and diverse abilities, promoting holistic development. ‘Love’ is the driving force of creation. In a free, democratic, safe, and harmonious environment and atmosphere, it is the expression of ‘love,’ emphasizing mutual tolerance, acceptance of different opinions, and respect for and acceptance of others. So, how can parent-child creative art creation express ‘love’? Here, the author shares his views with all parents.

 

The significance of parent-child creative art creation: 

l  Art education starts with individuals. Parents try to engage in artistic creation to cultivate their children’s artistic accomplishments.

l  The first lesson of art education begins with ‘listening’ and ‘acceptance.’ Parents learn to accept the diverse ways in which children express their creativity.

l  Through the joint participation and experience of parent-child art creation, parents can get closer to and understand their children’s hearts.

l  Parent-child art creation helps children to understand themselves and release emotions and stress.

l  By integrating an atmosphere of mutual appreciation and respect, it reduces parental stress and anxiety, thereby enhancing parent-child relationships.

l  Making parent-child fall in love with creation, integrating art into life, and enhancing the quality of life.

藝術培育錦囊

l  培養一種做人的學問，提升一種分享的能力，即「同理心」。

l  根據心理學家赫夫曼 (Hoffman) 研究人類同理心 (empathy) 的發展指出，「同理心」就是體會他人的情意，設身處地為他人設想的能力。

l  「同理心」三步曲：(1) 站在對方的立場設想 (2) 辨識對方的真正感受 (3) 將了解和感受傳達給對方。

l  「同理心」是與人相處的一項重要能力，具有「同理心」的人，才能建立良好的人際關係、自律及責任感。

l  兒童在 2 至 3 歲的階段，已能了解別人的感受。為使孩子有愛心、具備「同理心」的人、懂得愛與關懷別人，父母以身作則是非常重要的。

Artistic Cultivation Tips

l  Cultivate a kind of knowledge in being human and enhance the ability to share, that is, ’empathy.’

l  According to the research of psychologist Hoffman on the development of human empathy, ’empathy’ is the ability to understand the feelings of others and to put oneself in their shoes.

l  The three steps of ’empathy’: (1) Imagine standing in the other person’s position (2) Identify the other person’s true feelings (3) Convey understanding and feelings to the other person.

l  Empathy’ is an important ability in interpersonal relationships. Only those with ’empathy’ can establish good interpersonal relationships, self-discipline, and a sense of responsibility.

l  Children at the age of 2 to 3 can already understand the feelings of others. In order for children to be compassionate, possess ’empathy,’ and understand love and care for others, it is very important for parents to lead by example.

孩子有吸吮手指的習慣該怎麼辦？
What should I do if my child has a habit of sucking their fingers?

撰文：幼兒教育專家陳陳淑安老師

 

根據李維大偉 (David Levy) 博士的研究，在 10 分鐘內就把一瓶牛奶吃完的孩子（可能因為瓶頭孔較大），比在 20 分鐘內吃完整瓶奶的孩子，容易有吸吮指頭的行為。李博士又曾試驗用滴筒餵小狗，使牠們在吃奶的時候沒有機會吸吮，結果牠們的反應，是彼此吸吮自己或別的小狗的皮，有些吸吮得十分厲害，連皮都脫掉。由此我們可以知道嬰兒最初數月吸吮指頭的行為，是因為得不到吸吮的滿足所致，是一種需要，並不是與生俱來，也不是壞行為。

 

餵哺母乳 增進親子感情

母親能親自哺乳，嬰兒是最幸福的，因為嬰兒不但得到適當的營養，與母親肌膚接觸得到溫暖安全感，而且由於吸吮著柔軟的乳頭，除了得到溫飽外，還享受著母子心靈上的溝通，這種深厚的愛，骨肉的親情與吃著冷冰冰的奶瓶，是不能相提並論的，何況嬰兒在吸吮得到無上的滿足感。

Written by: Early Childhood Education Specialist, Teacher Chan-Chen Shu-an

 

According to Dr. David Levy’s research, children who finish a bottle of milk within 10 minutes (possibly because the bottle’s nipple hole is larger) are more likely to exhibit finger-sucking behavior than those who finish the entire bottle in 20 minutes. Dr. Levy also conducted an experiment feeding puppies with a dropper, preventing them from sucking while feeding. The result was that they resorted to sucking their own or other puppies’ skin, some so vigorously that the skin peeled off. From this, we can understand that the behavior of infants sucking their fingers in the first few months is due to the lack of satisfaction from sucking, it is a need, not innate, and not a bad behavior.

 

Breastfeeding Fosters Parent-Child Bond

When a mother can breastfeed her baby, the baby is the happiest. This is because the baby not only receives proper nutrition and warmth and security from being in contact with the mother’s skin but also enjoys the soft nipple while sucking, which provides not only sustenance but also a profound love and emotional connection between mother and child. This deep love and family bond cannot be compared to feeding from a cold bottle, especially considering the supreme satisfaction the baby gets from sucking.

但是，母親大多外出工作，加上種種原因，不得不用奶瓶餵孩子時，應特別注意餵奶的次數和所費的時間。母親應平心靜氣地讓孩子慢慢吃，特別注意奶嘴洞眼的大小，孩子得到吸吮的滿足，才不致容易發生吸吮手指的習慣，嬰兒喜歡吮手指起自無意識的，他的小指在挪動著，無意地放進嘴裡，感到愉快滿足而吸吮起來。

 

發洩心理緊張

可是到了4、5 歲時仍不斷吸吮指頭，那意義就不同了，這可能是一種心理緊張的發洩。例如：因父母不和，使孩子感到焦慮；因為有了一個新的弟妹，怕失去了父母親的愛；因為父母太忙，無瑕照顧他們而感到孤寂，沒有家庭的溫暖；又或者因為孩子太早被送往幼稚園，得不到適當的照顧而缺乏安全感。這些導致孩子焦慮、不安、緊張、惶恐都是心理緊張的成因。

孩子與成人一樣，心理緊張時需要發洩，這本是很自然的現象，成人為減輕心理緊張，往往用抽煙來鬆弛自己。孩子會用吮手指，或搖晃來發洩情緒緊張。在這情況下，為人父母者，除了要注意改善對孩子的態度外，應額外有耐心，應保持平和、慈祥的心態，使孩子感到放鬆沒壓力，反之父母表現擔憂、緊張甚或急於糾正而責罵，綁手指、塗苦藥等，只會弄巧反拙，增加孩子的不安，自己想改掉又不能自制，變成惡性循環，延長了吸吮手指的習慣。

However, most mothers work outside the home due to various reasons, and sometimes have to feed their children with a bottle. In such cases, special attention should be paid to the frequency and duration of feeding. Mothers should calmly allow their children to eat slowly, paying particular attention to the size of the bottle nipple hole. Only when the child is satisfied with sucking will they be less likely to develop the habit of finger-sucking. When an infant starts to enjoy sucking their fingers, it is an unconscious behavior. Their little finger moves around and unintentionally goes into their mouth, bringing them pleasure and satisfaction, leading to sucking.

 

Releasing Psychological Tension

However, if a child continues to suck their fingers at the age of 4 or 5, it takes on a different meaning. This may be a way of releasing psychological tension. For example, due to parental conflict, the child feels anxious; or because of a new sibling, they fear losing their parents’ love; or because the parents are too busy to care for them, they feel lonely and lack the warmth of a family; or because the child is sent to kindergarten too early and lacks a sense of security due to inadequate care. These factors can lead to anxiety, unease, tension, and fear in children, all of which are causes of psychological tension.

Like adults, children need to release psychological tension when they are anxious. This is a natural phenomenon. Adults often smoke to relax and relieve psychological tension. Children may suck their fingers or rock back and forth to release emotional tension. In this situation, parents should not only improve their attitude towards their children but also be extra patient. They should maintain a calm and gentle attitude to help the child relax and feel no pressure. On the contrary, if parents show worry, and nervousness, or are eager to correct and blame, or if they tie the child’s fingers or apply bitter medicine, it will only backfire, increase the child’s unease, and create a vicious cycle. This will prolong the habit of finger-sucking, as the child wants to quit but cannot control themselves.

預防和糾正的方法

1. 盡量用母乳餵哺，這是最自然、最適合嬰兒的哺乳方法，養成吸吮手指習慣的機會亦較少。

2.   家長用奶樽餵奶時，應特別注意餵奶的時間，能保持 15 至 20 分鐘是比較理想的。

3.   用玩具和洋娃娃等，與孩子多做手指的活動，以便轉移孩子吸吮的習慣。

4.   多接近孩子，一起玩耍、說故事和唱兒歌等，使孩子不致感到寂寞和無聊而吸吮手指。

5.   孩子吸吮得厲害時，父母仍應有耐性，保持安祥和不緊張的態度，有時不理會和不提點孩子，吸吮手指的現象反而自然地消失。

6.   如果孩子在 6 歲前已有吸吮手指習慣多年，自然會逐漸消失，尤其是當孩子白天不再吮手指，只有睡覺時才吮，這就表示已是尾聲了。父母應耐心等待，急於糾正是不生效的。特別是當孩子上幼稚園後，往往因不願在其他朋輩面前吸吮手指，又或者在學校忙於其他活動，吸吮手指的習慣會無形消失。

7. 吸吮後的手指會有難聞的氣味，如果 5 至 6 歲的孩子仍有吸吮習慣，可試試讓他嗅嗅難聞的氣味，可能因而糾正不良習慣。

Preventive and Corrective Methods

1.      Whenever possible, breastfeed, as it is the most natural and suitable feeding method for infants, and it reduces the chance of developing a finger-sucking habit.

2.     When using a bottle, parents should pay special attention to the feeding time, aiming for 15 to 20 minutes, which is ideal.

3.     Engage the child in activities with toys and dolls to redirect the finger-sucking habit.

4.     Spend more time with the child, playing, telling stories, and singing songs together to prevent the child from feeling lonely or bored, which can lead to finger-sucking.

5.     When a child sucks their fingers vigorously, parents should remain patient and calm. Sometimes, ignoring the behavior can lead to its natural disappearance.

6.     If a child has had a finger-sucking habit for several years before the age of 6, it will naturally diminish over time, especially if the child only sucks their fingers when sleeping. Parents should patiently wait, as hasty correction is ineffective. Particularly after starting kindergarten, the habit may disappear naturally due to the child’s reluctance to suck their fingers in front of peers or being occupied with other activities at school.

7.     Fingers sucked on will have an unpleasant odor. If a 5 to 6-year-old child still has this habit, letting them smell the unpleasant odor may help correct the behavior.

自閉症不再是秘密
Autism is no longer a secret

撰文：協康會教育心理學家團隊

 

家長要向人解釋孩子有自閉症的情況，有如自挖瘡疤，恐怕未能得到親友的支持之餘，還會惹來誤解或歧視。究竟家長應如何面對親友呢？

 

必須清楚自閉症的成因

 

家長向親友解釋時，首先必須清楚自閉症的成因是與家長疏忽或溺愛無關。自閉症的成因與腦部異常發展有關，故此影響了孩子的溝通能力、思考和行為模式，以及理解別人思想行為的能力。家長可列出大部分自閉症兒童的共同特徵，包括社交困難、頑固、焦慮、溝通困難、專注能力、活躍程度高低、非典型情緒反應、身體協調問題及不同的感官反應等。

Written by: The Educational Psychologist Team of the Heep Hong Society

 

For parents, explaining their child’s autism to others can feel like reopening a wound. They fear not only the lack of support from friends and family, but also the potential for misunderstanding or discrimination. So, how should parents approach this with their relatives and friends?

 

Understanding the causes of autism is crucial.

When explaining to friends and family, parents must first clarify that the cause of autism is not related to parental neglect or overindulgence. Autism is associated with abnormal brain development, which affects the child’s communication skills, thinking and behavior patterns, as well as their ability to understand the thoughts and actions of others. Parents can list the common characteristics of most children with autism, including social difficulties, stubbornness, anxiety, communication difficulties, focus ability, varying levels of activity, atypical emotional responses, physical coordination problems, and different sensory responses.

留意最新資訊

此外，家長可盡量留意自閉症的最新資訊，例如「執行功能」、「中央統合」和「心智解讀能力」等概念，一來可以令自己更容易明白子女的成長需要，當遇到親友有興趣了解更多，便可向他們深入解釋。當家長愈清楚自閉症，便愈容易讓親友認識孩子，或許一貫歧視的眼光，會因了解得更多而逐漸消失。家長知識上的裝備，能讓親友感到家長的積極和能力。

 

用具體形容詞形容孩子表現

另外，當家長形容孩子時，應用具體和正面的形容詞，例如記憶力強（而非「好記唔記」）、專注力弱（而非「心散」）、未能明白別人的要求（而非「不聽話、曳」）、重複相同的動作（而非「佢一定要…….」）或跟著拍子點頭（而非「鍾意音樂」）等抽象的形容詞。讓親友們明白，孩子與其他兒童一樣，都是天真無邪的小朋友。

Stay Updated with the Latest Information

In addition, parents can try to stay updated with the latest information on autism, such as concepts like “executive function”, “central integration”, and “theory of mind”. This can help them better understand their child’s developmental needs. When relatives and friends show interest in learning more, parents can explain these concepts in depth. The more parents understand about autism, the easier it is for relatives and friends to get to know the child. Perhaps the usual discriminatory views will gradually disappear as they understand more. The knowledge parents equip themselves with can make relatives and friends feel the parents’ positivity and capability.

 

Describe the Child’s Performance with Specific Adjectives

Furthermore, when parents describe their child, they should use specific and positive adjectives. For example, describe the child as having strong memory (instead of “good at forgetting”), weak focus (instead of “distracted”), unable to understand others’ demands (instead of “disobedient, dragging”), repeating the same actions (instead of “he/she must…”), or nodding to the beat (instead of “likes music”) and other abstract adjectives. Let relatives and friends understand that, like other children, their child is an innocent little friend.

不過，解釋終歸解釋，家長面對孩子「天天新款」的行為時，或許寧願選擇把孩子（甚至自己）帶離敏感場合，減低對親友做成的干擾，但相對也減少了孩子對社會適應的機會。相反，家長可主動誘導親友以合適的方法與孩子相處。例如正面地說「你可以說慢一點」、「孩子對聲音非常敏感，不如我們說話輕聲一點吧」或是「對不起，我可否首先知道行程，給我的孩子有心理準備？」如果親友能做到，已經踏出了成功的一步。

 

親友的視野需要被拉闊，然而最重要的，是家長須持開放接受的態度，成為親友的榜樣。當家長自己也接受自閉症，還有誰可以說「不接受」呢？

However, explanations are just explanations. When parents face their child’s ever-changing behaviors, they may prefer to remove the child (or even themselves) from sensitive situations to reduce the disturbance to relatives and friends. But this also reduces the child’s opportunities to adapt to society. Instead, parents can actively guide relatives and friends to interact with the child in appropriate ways. For example, they can positively say, “You can speak a little slower”, “The child is very sensitive to sound, let’s speak a little quieter”, or “I’m sorry, can I know the schedule first to prepare my child?” If relatives and friends can do this, it’s already a step towards success.


The perspectives of relatives and friends need to be broadened. However, the most important thing is that parents need to maintain an open and accepting attitude, setting an example for relatives and friends. If the parents themselves accept autism, who else can say “I don’t accept it”?

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