月份: 2023 年 12 月

如何處理小孩升小的焦慮？
How to handle a child’s anxiety about starting primary school?

資料來源：婚姻及家庭治療師吳綺琴

 

小朋友升讀小一，未能適應，有些不但會經常在學校喊著說掛念媽媽，更會出現食慾不振等問題。家長擔心小朋友出現焦慮，可能會不斷跟他説「只要你盡力就可，媽媽不看分數成績！」但這樣做可以處理小朋友的焦慮嗎？抑或會弄巧反拙？

 

首先，家長要明白小朋友由幼稚園升上小一是一個很大的轉變。對於小朋友而言，他真的需要一段很長的時間來適應。因為在小一階段，功課深了、守的規則多了，加上老師也嚴格了。小朋友也會有焦慮情緒，影響小朋友身體出現各種症狀，或甚害怕上學。

 

那麼小朋友要用多少時間適應呢？其實是因人而異。一般來說，一些比較內向或是觀察型小朋友容易變得焦慮，所以他們適應的時間可能相對比較長一點。因此，父母先要了解小朋友的性格和氣質，以調節自己對小朋友這段適應期間的期望，並千萬不要和其他小朋友來比較。

Source: Marriage and Family Therapist, Ng Yee Kam

 

When a child enters first grade and fails to adapt, some may frequently express their longing for their mothers at school and even experience a loss of appetite. Parents are concerned about their child’s anxiety and may continuously tell them, “As long as you do your best, Mom doesn’t care about grades!” But does this approach effectively address the child’s anxiety, or does it backfire?

 

First of all, parents need to understand that the transition from kindergarten to first grade is a significant change for a child. It truly takes a long time for the child to adapt. In the first-grade stage, the workload increases, rules become stricter, and teachers are more demanding. Children may experience anxiety, leading to various physical symptoms or fear of going to school.

 

So, how much time does a child need to adapt? It actually varies from person to person. Generally speaking, more introverted or observant children are prone to anxiety, so it may take them a relatively longer time to adapt. Therefore, parents should first understand their child’s personality and temperament, adjust their expectations during this adaptation period, and never compare their child with other children.

美國精神科醫生Dr Daniel Siegel，他提出了一個很有用的方法 —— Name it to Tame it。當家長觀察到小朋友在情緒方面有一些波動時，父母會先使用自己的左腦分析小朋友發生甚麼事。父母應要同時使用左右腦，代入小朋友的感受和處境裡，然後將你感受到小朋友的感受說出來，這個就是「Name it」。

 

例如你和小朋友說：「你是不是很害怕？你是不是很擔心？你好像吃不了飯，是不是有甚麼正在憂慮？」我們如果能夠將小朋友這些情緒說出來，其實就是將小朋友在右腦裡感受到的東西，很清晰地勾畫出來。

 

對於一些較大的小朋友，父母就可以鼓勵他自己將情緒說出來，父母則可回應他們。這一種大人和小朋友右腦和右腦的聯繫，能穩定焦慮的情緒，這個過程我們稱為Connect。當Connect之後，我們就可以和小朋友再聊一些其他事情。

Dr. Daniel Siegel, an American psychiatrist, has proposed a very useful method called “Name it to Tame it.” When parents observe emotional fluctuations in their children, they first use their left brain to analyze what might be happening with their child. Parents should use both their left and right brains, empathizing with the child’s feelings and situation, and then verbalize what they perceive the child is feeling. This is the “Name it” step.

 

For example, you can say to your child, “Are you feeling scared? Are you feeling worried? It seems like you have no appetite. Is there something you’re anxious about?” When we are able to express the child’s emotions, we are actually delineating what the child is experiencing in their right brain very clearly.

 

For older children, parents can encourage them to express their emotions themselves, and parents can respond to them. This connection between the adult’s and the child’s right brain helps stabilize anxious emotions. We refer to this process as “Connect.” After the connection is established, we can engage in conversation about other topics with the child.

但是父母要記著，當小朋友說出自己情緒時，我們千萬不要跟他說：「不用擔心，傻的，不用想這些。」或「你這樣便行了，你盡力就可以了。」如果我們用左腦去回應，是無法舒緩右腦那種焦慮，亦不能夠安定到他那個中腦負責情緒區域的部分。

 

最後就是當父母能夠用一些情緒詞彙，將小朋友的感受能夠說出在腦中發生的事情，也就是將右腦裡一些情緒，變成左腦的認知，我們稱之為Redirect。當在認知上，明白自己正在經歷和感受甚麼，這樣我們的右腦便會想辦法來解決這個問題，便是Problem Solving。

 

在處理小朋友焦慮和緊張等問題時，上述的先後次序是很重要。除了先後次序之外，還要父母的耐性。我們要耐性讓小朋友明白自己的情緒，這樣我們便可以和小朋友一起想出對策。

However, parents should remember that when a child expresses their emotions, we must avoid saying things like, “Don’t worry, it’s silly, don’t think about these things,” or “You’re fine as you are, just do your best.” If we respond with our left brain, we cannot alleviate the right brain’s anxiety or bring calmness to the child’s midbrain responsible for emotions.


Lastly, when parents are able to use emotional vocabulary and verbalize what is happening in the child’s mind, it means transforming some of the emotions in the right brain into left brain cognition. This process is called “Redirect.” When we cognitively understand what we are experiencing and feeling, our right brain will find ways to solve the problem, which is referred to as “Problem Solving.”


The sequence mentioned above is crucial when dealing with a child’s anxiety and nervousness. Besides the order, parents also need to have patience. We need to be patient in helping the child understand their emotions so that we can come up with strategies together.

把工作放在辦公室
Keeping work inside the office

撰文：香港家庭教育學院總監狄志遠博士

 

香港是一個高度競爭的社會，講求效率、高增值和高生產，所以香港人都是「工作狂」，或被迫接受很長的工作時間。理論上，我們的工作時間是有規則的，例如：朝九晚五或朝九晚六，當然亦有些職業是有更長的工作時間，但總會有下班的時間。不過，近年有不少朋友下班後仍會把工作帶回家繼續忙碌，再加上現時的電子平台及互聯網非常發達，所以更方便大家下班後仍可以在電子平台上繼續工作及聯絡。結果，在不知不覺間，大家變得沒有穩定的下班時間，回到家中仍打開電腦，繼續查看和回覆電郵、看報告和寫計劃書等等。

 

工作時間長，除了對身心健康造成影響外，時刻記掛著工作的進度，同時亦會造成心理壓力，嚴重影響家人的情緒，所以香港人普遍都有情緒壓力問題。把工作帶回家，不單是一些事務或任務，同時是把工作壓力一併帶回家。這些壓力會不知不覺影響自己的情緒，也因此影響家人的情緒。當然，子女希望父母能陪他們玩耍，但父母在家要忙於工作，於是覺得子女很煩，便將情緒轉嫁到孩子身上。

Written by: Dr. Tik Chi-yuen, Director of Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

 

Hong Kong is a highly competitive society that emphasizes efficiency, high added value, and high productivity. Therefore, Hong Kong people are known as “workaholics” or are forced to accept long working hours. In theory, our work hours have regulations, such as working from nine to five or nine to six. Of course, there are professions with longer working hours, but there should always be an end to the workday. However, in recent years, many individuals continue to be busy with work even after leaving the office. Additionally, with the advanced electronic platforms and the internet today, it has become more convenient for people to work and communicate on these platforms even after work. As a result, without realizing it, we no longer have a stable off-duty time. When we return home, we still open our computers to continue checking and replying to emails, reading reports, and writing proposals, and so on.

 

Long working hours not only have an impact on our physical and mental health but also cause constant concern about work progress, leading to psychological stress. This stress seriously affects the emotions of family members, which is why Hong Kong people generally experience emotional stress. Bringing work home means not only bringing some tasks or assignments but also bringing work-related stress. These pressures unconsciously affect our own emotions and, consequently, the emotions of our family members. Naturally, children hope that their parents can spend time playing with them, but when parents are busy with work at home, they may find their children bothersome and transfer their emotions onto them.

家庭是一個促進家庭成員互相支持的地方，我們在情感上應有更多更深入的互動，互相分享關懷與愛。但當我們把工作帶回家後，大家會感受到你的壓力及情緒，子女逐漸會覺得與你難以溝通，結果嚴重影響親子關係，那是十分不值得的。

 

我們回到家中，不是延續處理事工，而是要與家人建立親密關係，所以回到家中，要多與家人有親密行為，例如擁抱、玩遊戲和說故事等。同時要多表達愛意，分享心事。在家中是談情說愛的，而不是忙於回覆公司的電郵。這不單可以舒展大家的身心，也懂享受家庭樂。

Family is a place that promotes mutual support among family members, and we should have more profound emotional interactions, sharing care and love with each other. However, when we bring work home, everyone can feel your stress and emotions, and gradually, children may find it difficult to communicate with you, resulting in a serious impact on the parent-child relationship, which is not worthwhile.

 

When we come back home, it’s not about continuing to deal with work matters, but rather about building intimate relationships with family members. So, when you come home, engage in more intimate behaviors with your family, such as hugging, playing games, and telling stories. At the same time, express love and share thoughts. At home, it’s about talking about love and affection, rather than being busy replying to work emails. This not only helps to relax everyone’s mind and body but also allows us to enjoy the joy of family.

工作時工作，遊戲時遊戲，這是最簡單的道理，就請大家把工作放在辨公室內，將愉快的心情帶回家中。

Work when you’re working, play when you’re playing. This is the simplest principle, so please everyone, keep work in the office and bring a joyful mood back home.

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為甚麼小朋友會出現反覆呼吸道感染？
Why do children experience recurrent respiratory infections?

資料來源：註冊中醫師徐澤昌

 

如果小朋友經常性出現反覆呼吸道的感染，即經常患上感冒和咳嗽。在中醫角度而言，也是因為他肺脾氣虛及肺脾不足而引起，即個人抵抗力下降了。這些小朋友很多時候因肺氣虛，可能經常感到疲倦或是說話的時候沒有力氣等。如果小朋友脾虛的話，很多時會感到食慾不振又或容易腹瀉。以中醫角度而言，主要便是照顧肺脾，即是要照顧肺脾之氣，讓他能夠增強抵抗力。

 

他在很短的時間裡剛剛痊癒了卻再次患上感冒，患上感冒後又痊癒，經常性這樣出現，便屬於反覆呼吸道感染。譬如小朋友這次生病了，可能剛痊癒了一、兩個星期後，又再次感冒，又再次出現呼吸道感染。在中醫角度而言，已經可以判斷為小兒反覆呼吸道感染，即生病的頻率和次數比一般人多。

Source: Registered Chinese medicine practitioner, Tsui Chak Cheong

 

If a child frequently experiences recurrent respiratory infections, such as frequent colds and coughs, from the perspective of Chinese medicine, it is also caused by deficiency of Qi in the lung and spleen and deficiency of the lung and spleen, leading to a weakened immune system. These children often feel tired due to lung qi deficiency and may lack energy when speaking. If they have spleen deficiency, they may experience loss of appetite or easily have diarrhea. From the Chinese medicine standpoint, the focus is on taking care of the lung and spleen, which involves nurturing their qi to enhance their resistance.

 

If a child has just recovered from an illness but quickly falls ill again or experiences recurrent respiratory infections, it falls under the category of recurrent respiratory infections. For example, after recovering from an illness, the child may catch another cold within one or two weeks, leading to another respiratory infection. From the Chinese medicine perspective, it can be determined as recurrent respiratory infections in children, where the frequency and number of illnesses are higher than average.

又或是可能以前不是這樣的，以前你可能一年會生病三次，但是今年你可能只過了半年，卻已經每個月生病一次，又或是兩個星期便生病一次，這樣子就可能是你的小朋友的身體出現了問題。

 

如何通過飲食來有效地預防感冒？其實最主要便是飲食清淡面、注意營養及勞逸合適，即運動和休息時間要取得平衡。日常飲食中，要吸收多一點維他命C及維他命A等，增強自身的抵抗力。家長可煲青紅蘿蔔湯，盡量不要讓小朋友吃太多煎炸、濃味食物及難消化的食物，因為小朋友的消化能力還是很弱，即脾常不足的特徵。如果平常天天吃快餐或是天天吃一些很難消化及濃味的零吃，小朋友的身體會累積痰熱。這些痰熱加上外界的病邪入侵身體，就會形成一些容易感冒的體質。

Or it could be that in the past, it wasn’t like this. Previously, you might have gotten sick three times a year, but this year, it’s possible that within just six months, you’ve already been falling ill every month or once every two weeks. In such cases, it’s possible that there are underlying issues with your child’s health.

 

How can diet effectively prevent colds? The key is to have a light and balanced diet, pay attention to nutrition, and maintain a proper balance between activity and rest. In daily meals, it’s important to consume more vitamin C and vitamin A to strengthen the body’s immune system. Parents can prepare carrot soup and try to minimize the consumption of fried, heavily seasoned, and hard-to-digest foods for children because their digestive capacity is still weak, which is a characteristic of spleen deficiency. If children frequently consume fast food or indulge in hard-to-digest and highly seasoned snacks, their bodies may accumulate phlegm and heat. This accumulation, combined with the invasion of external pathogenic factors, can create a susceptibility to frequent colds.

如果要推薦湯水，有一種湯水稱為「玉屏風散」。「玉屏風散」的主要材料是黃耆、白术和防風這三種藥材，如果我們煲湯水，也可以用這三種藥材，再放一塊瘦肉，放少許蜜棗。

If you want recommended soup, there is a type of soup called “Yukpingfung San.” The main ingredients of it are astragalus, white atractylodes, and saposhnikovia root. When preparing the soup, we can use these three medicinal herbs along with a lean meat and a few honey dates.

家長如何幫助幼童在心理同生理上適應小學生活？
How can parents help young children adapt to primary school life both psychologically and physically?

資料來源：香港教育大學社會學講座教授趙永佳教授

 

2023年已過了5個月，暑假很快又會到，然後又到9月開學日。這意味著一班K3同學準備迎接小學生活，但這班同學過去3年幼稚園生涯，大多都在疫情下的網課經過，甚少面授課程，又少機會與人接觸。家長可以如何幫助他們在心理和生理上適應升小生活？

 

升小一的同學最多只是等於K2程度，因為他們最少有一整年沒有回學校上課，而從幼稚園到小學，本來就已經有很多東西要適應，例如上學時間、在學校裡一些生活上的細節，甚至整個周期和學習模式都不同了。幼稚園一節課大約20分鐘左右，然後已經要轉另一節課，但是在小學可能是35分鐘或以上，很難維持集中力，所有這些問題，都會對小朋友造成很大的適應問題。

Source:  Professor Chiu Wing Kai, Chair Professor of Sociology at the Education University of Hong Kong.


It’s already been 5 months into 2023 and summer vacation will be coming soon, followed by the start of the new school year in September. For K3 students to start their primary school life. However, these students have spent most of their 3-year kindergarten education in online classes due to the pandemic, with little face-to-face interaction. How can parents help them adapt to their new academic and social life in terms of their psychological and physical well-being.


Students who are promoted to Primary 1 are at most at K2 level because they have not returned to school for at least one full year. There are many things they need to adapt to when transitioning from kindergarten to primary school. These include school schedules, daily routines, and learning styles that are vastly different from what they are used to. Kindergarten classes typically last for around 20 minutes, after which they move on to another subject, but in primary school, classes can be 35 minutes or longer, making it difficult for them to maintain their focus. All of these issues can create significant adaptation problems for young students.

如何跟小朋友說明幼小交接的變化才是最好呢？首先家長不要太緊張，有很多小學會舉辦模擬課程，會有適應週，亦可參觀學校。小學比幼稚園大，小朋友可能會感到很高興，因為有很多不同的設備，他可能會有很多期待。但是我覺得有些事情要先開始才知道，太早和他說太多也沒有用，只能告訴他：「對，學校就是這樣。」

 

另外，有些事情小朋友現在還未能做到，並不代表他做不到，要待他長大。家長很多時候都是這樣，有些事情是沒有辦法，不能勉強的，而是要等待小朋友成長到那個階段才能做到，要記住每個小朋友的成長速度都不同。剛開學後他們放學回來，可觀察他情感的轉變，如果看到他有這些情況就要注意了。

 

So how can parents explain these changes to their children? Firstly, parents should not be too anxious, as many primary schools offer simulation courses and adaptation weeks for new students, as well as school visits. Primary schools are usually much larger than kindergartens, and young students may be excited about the various facilities and opportunities available to them. However, it is best to start talking to them once they begin school, as too much information too soon may be overwhelming. Simply telling them, “Yes, this is what school is like” is often enough.


Additionally, some things that young students may not be capable of now do not mean they cannot accomplish them, they just need time to grow and develop. Parents need to remember that every child has a different growth rate. After starting school, observe their emotional changes when they return home from school, and if you notice any issues, pay close attention to them.

小朋友的適應是需要時間的，但有時家長也要適應。在幼稚園我們稱為Homeroom（固定上課地點），由一名老師帶領，所以小朋友只會經常看到一兩位老師。如果在家長參與或家校協作時，很簡單只要找回那位老師便可。在小學，每個科目都有不同的老師，所以有時候出現狀況時，我們就要思考怎樣和老師溝通。

It takes time for young children to adapt, but sometimes parents also need to adapt. In kindergarten, we refer to it as the Homeroom (regular class location), where one teacher leads the class, and children usually only see one or two teachers. If parents need to participate or collaborate with the school, they can simply find that teacher. In primary school, each subject has different teachers, so if any issues arise, parents need to consider how to communicate with each teacher.

有孩子的開支特別大，父母可以如何為自己做好理財？
The expenses of having children are particularly high.
How can parents manage their finances effectively for themselves?

資料來源：家加豬財商教育創辦人Sang Chan

 

養孩子經常都會比喻「一闊三大」，開支多了，作為父母的可以如何為自己做好理財？很多家長認為自己的收入多與少，主宰了自己的生活質素。生活質素固然與收入有關，但有一樣事情更重要。如果每個家庭做得好的話，生活質素一樣可以大大提升，那就是怎樣將自己的收入打理得好。

 

每位家長可以用一個簡單理財概念，也就是理財金字塔，來安排自己每個月的收入。這個理財金字塔的背後理念，說明了怎樣把自己賺到的每一元，分流好並放到適當位置，然後將每一元的價值都可以極大化。如果跟著這個理財金字塔的建構運作，每個家庭的財務狀況，都可以變得愈來愈健康。

 

整個金字塔的底部，我們第一個環節要做的就是MPF (強積金)，大概5%左右的錢要分流去MPF。安排MPF後下一個層次就是安排我們的basic need，即是基本需求。基本需求我們可以這樣理解就是我們的衣食住行，如果作為父母，當然包括了小朋友，他們的日常用品可能奶粉及尿布等等，甚至年紀大一點，他們讀書的學費，都是基本需求。

 

我們會面對的一些支出，基本需求這裡大概安排總收入的50%，這樣就是一個合理的水平。在處理基本需求之後，我們就會面對到稅務。稅務這個層次，稅務這一筆因人而異。在香港來說，大概5%左右的收入都能應付得了。

Source: Founder of Piggy Gaga Financial Education, Sang Chan.

 

Raising children is often described as “bit pricey,” meaning that expenses increase significantly. As parents, how can we manage our finances effectively? Many parents believe that their income level determines their quality of life. While income is certainly related to quality of life, there is something even more important. If every family handles it well, their quality of life can still be greatly improved, and that is how they manage their income.

 

Each parent can use a simple financial concept, known as the financial pyramid, to allocate their monthly income. The underlying principle of this financial pyramid explains how to divide and allocate every dollar earned to the appropriate areas, maximizing the value of each dollar. By following the construction and operation of this financial pyramid, the financial situation of every family can become increasingly healthy.

 

At the base of the pyramid, the first step is to allocate around 5% of the income to Mandatory Provident Fund (MPF). After setting aside funds for MPF, the next level is to allocate for our basic needs. Basic needs refer to our necessities such as clothing, food, housing, and transportation. As parents, this also includes the daily supplies for our children, such as formula milk and diapers. It may even include their educational expenses as they grow older.


Approximately 50% of the total income should be allocated to cover basic needs, which is a reasonable level. After managing basic needs, we then have to consider taxes. The amount of taxes varies for each individual. In Hong Kong, approximately 5% of the income is usually manageable for taxes.

安排這三層之後，剩下來的錢自己可以怎樣管理，令自己的生活一步一步變得更加優質？第一個部分就是流動現金，每個月把自己收入的10%左右安排在流動現金那部分。另外的10%可以安排在一些資產保護，最重要的資產當然就是自己怎樣可以保障自己或者家人。

 

安排完這兩個10%之後，剩下來大概有20%左右收入。這20%就正正可以安排在一些資產增值的地方，去完成一些人生上很想完成的目標。很多時候有些家長會問：「其實我們家庭是否要很富裕，才需要理財？如果我們收入只是剛剛好，我們可否理財？」

 

高收入的家庭就像一間大屋，可能真的比較多東西要打點的，可能有個雜物房，可以把雜物全部放進去，然後關上門。整間房子就整潔了，可能相對來說會簡單很多。

 

After allocating for these three levels, how can we manage the remaining money to gradually improve our quality of life? The first part is allocating around 10% of our income to liquid cash. Another 10% can be allocated to asset protection, where the most important asset is ensuring our own and our family’s well-being.

 

After arranging these two 10% allocations, we have approximately 20% of the income remaining. This 20% can be allocated to asset appreciation, allowing us to achieve some important life goals. Sometimes, parents may ask, “Do we need to be very wealthy as a family to engage in financial management? Can we manage our finances even if our income is just enough?”


High-income families are like large houses, and they may have more things to take care of. They might have a storage room where all the miscellaneous items can be stored and the door closed. The whole house will then become tidy, and the overall management will be much simpler.

但是如果我們的房子不是那麼大的話，比喻我們的收入。我們可以想像一間很小的房子，如果我們好好打點的話，會令生活更優質。如果收入比較充裕的話，當然可以有很多空間理財，但是如果收入只是一個剛剛好的狀況，其實是更加需要打點得更好。

But if our house is not that big, metaphorically representing our income, we can imagine a small house. If we take good care of it, it can still lead to a better quality of life. If our income is more abundant, of course, there will be more room for financial management. However, if our income is just enough, it becomes even more important to manage it well.

與小朋友建立依附關係重要嗎？
Is it important to establish a secure attachment with children?

資料來源：精神科專科梁婉珊醫生

 

每次送小朋友上學，小朋友都哭個不停，與媽媽難捨難離，這可能是缺乏安全感的警號。很多研究指出，安全的依附關係（secure attachment ）是小朋友長大的成功基礎。家長可以如何與小朋友建立安全的依附關係呢？

 

其實一段安全的依附關係（secure attachment ）是需要刻意經營，需要媽媽很多的努力，要投放很多心機心力。小朋友對世界的信任，是否有自信，也跟與媽媽有沒有安全的依附關係息息相關。

 

當小朋友沒有安全感，最常見是難以與媽媽分離。一般小朋友與媽媽分開時，會哭鬧一下，只要安撫一下便會冷靜下來。但安全感建立不穩的小朋友，會出現嚴重哭鬧情況，很快便會有脾氣，這便是一個警號，家長便要努力建立安全感。

Source: Specialist in psychiatry, Dr. Leung Yuen Shan

 

Every time the child is sent to school, they cry non-stop and have a difficult time separating from their mother. This may be a sign of a lack of security. Many studies have shown that a secure attachment is a foundation for a child’s success in life. How can parents establish a secure attachment with their children?

 

In fact, a secure attachment requires deliberate effort and a lot of hard work from the mother. A child’s trust in the world and their own confidence are closely related to their secure attachment to their mother.


When a child doesn’t feel safe, they usually have trouble being apart from their mother. Usually, when a child is separated from their mother, they may cry and fuss a bit but can be easily calmed down. However, a child with an unstable sense of security may become very upset and throw tantrums quickly. This is a sign that parents need to work on establishing a sense of security.

如何建立安全感？首先媽媽要照顧好自己，媽媽的精神健康是所有事情的基礎。媽媽照顧不好自己，也無力照顧孩子。如果發現自己的情緒真係出現了問題，情緒波幅大、易怒、易哭、失眠或無法進食，為孩子將來著想，便要盡快處理。

 

 

小朋友在一直成長中都會持續建立對世界和人的安全感和信任。父母在孩子的童年階段持續給予回應和關注，多與小朋友建立親子時間，透過不同的活動增加親子親密的交流，都是讓他對世界更有信心和安全感的方法。

So, how can parents establish a sense of security? First of all, the mother must take care of herself. The mother’s mental health is the foundation of everything. If the mother is not taking good care of herself, she will not be able to take care of her child. If she finds that she has a real emotional problem, such as high mood swings, irritability, crying, insomnia, or the inability to eat, she should deal with it as soon as possible for the sake of the child’s future.

 

Children are constantly building a sense of security and trust in the world and people as they grow. Parents can continue to respond to and pay attention to their children during their childhood and establish more parent-child time through different activities to increase intimate communication. All of these efforts can help the child build confidence and a sense of security in the world.

分類
家長園地

如何處理小朋友脊骨側彎？
How do you deal with a child’s scoliosis

資料來源：脊骨神經科醫生溫文灝

 

現在很多小朋友都有脊骨問題，包括寒背和脊骨側彎。假若不及時處理，長大可能會出現腰痛、頸痛及坐骨神經痛等。

 

在香港每10個小朋友，就有3個患有脊骨側彎。這問題也會在發育期中變得愈來愈差，脊骨側彎的成因包括有先天性脊骨側彎、後天性脊骨側彎，也可能是肌肉的不平衡，甚至是一些姿勢不良，導致這個問題出現。

 

有些小朋友在檢查的時候，都會發現他們有長短腳、盤骨錯位，甚至是脊骨或肋骨側在一邊。脊醫會為患者做物理治療，甚至進行整脊治療，以幫助這些小朋友改善脊骨的彎度。

 

Written by: Dr. Tik Chi-yuen, Director of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

In a study conducted earlier, it was found that nearly sixty percent of children felt that their parents did not communicate with them using the language of love, and nearly half of the parents tended to use authoritarian and indifferent approaches when disciplining their children. In fact, the mode of parent-child communication is crucial for establishing a strong parent-child relationship. In this article, I would like to share the results and recommendations related to this survey.

According to research in well-known psychology studies in the United States, parents’ disciplinary styles can be categorized into the enlightened type, which utilizes the “language of love,” and the authoritarian, permissive, and indifferent types, which fall under the category of “non-loving languages.” Based on the responses from children, only forty percent of parents were considered as the enlightened type in the eyes of their children, while one percent fell into the permissive type. The remaining nearly half of the parents were classified as either authoritarian or indifferent types, with the proportions being twenty-seven percent and twenty-two percent, respectively.

調查又發現，父母及子女在三類處境中，理想與現實都出現很大的矛盾，這情況在學業表現處境中顯得尤其嚴重。子女期望父母在學業表現處境屬開明型的有六成二，但現實僅有三成七。同樣地，父母的理想和現實也顯示出重大差距，只有百份之四的父母認為自己在學業表現處境中與子女的相處是專制的，但實際有三成一家長也屬於「專制型」。這反映了父母在處理子女「學業表現」方面時面對很大的困難，不知不覺間就採用了「非愛的語言」。現今有不少父母都過度介入子女的學習，不惜花費大量金錢和時間，安排子女參加極多學習活動及坊間不同的補習班，務求令子女在學習上可以走在最前線，因此造成很多親子衝突，甚至令情緒受困擾。

 

我們做父母的，應培養使用「愛的語言」的習慣，因為愈懂得運用稱讚、鼓勵、關愛、接納、欣賞和肯定等正面言詞，子女就愈能明白父母的管教中兼有關愛和規範，從而成長為一個有自尊和自信的人。筆者相信大部分父母對子女的說話，出發點都是為子女好，但不適當的說話，不單會傷害親子關係，更可能令孩子變得反叛。相反，適當的說話，卻能令孩子樂意接受及盡力做好。

 

建議父母與子女溝通時要：

  • 說親切、讚美和鼓勵的話
  • 給予正面的引導
  • 孩子做得好時要稱讚他
  • 留意孩子的回應是基於自己的回應
  • 即使要說不，也應避免負面的說法

The survey also revealed significant discrepancies between parents and children’s ideals and realities in three different situations, with academic performance being particularly severe. Sixty-two percent of children expected their parents to adopt an enlightened approach in handling academic performance, but in reality, only thirty-seven percent of parents fell into this category. Similarly, there was a significant gap between parents’ ideals and realities. Only four percent of parents believed that they had an authoritarian relationship with their children in terms of academic performance, but in reality, thirty-one percent of parents were categorized as “authoritarian.” This reflects the difficulties parents face when dealing with their children’s academic performance and how they unconsciously resort to “non-loving languages.” Nowadays, many parents excessively intervene in their children’s studies, sparing no expense in arranging numerous learning activities and various tuition classes, aiming to keep their children at the forefront of learning. This has led to numerous conflicts between parents and children and even emotional distress.

As parents, we should cultivate the habit of using the “language of love” because the more we utilize positive words such as praise, encouragement, care, acceptance, appreciation, and affirmation, the more our children will understand that our discipline includes both love and boundaries, helping them grow into individuals with self-esteem and confidence. The author believes that most parents’ intentions behind their words to their children are for their children’s good. However, inappropriate words cannot only harm the parent-child relationship but also lead children to rebel. On the other hand, appropriate words can make children willingly accept and do their best.

 

When communicating with their children, parents are advised to:

✧ Use kind, praising, and encouraging words.

✧ Provide positive guidance.

✧ Praise the child when they do well.

✧ Pay attention to the child’s responses and consider their own reactions.

✧ Even when saying “no,” avoid using negative language.

 

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