月份: 2024 年 9 月
暑假來了，不少家長會選擇利用這個漫長的假期和小朋友離港旅遊，既可共聚天倫、還能舒展身心。不知道大家還有沒有其他原因呢？
有的會說，旅遊還可讓小朋友增廣見聞。的確，「讀萬卷書，不如行萬里路」。假如小朋友有親身體驗，相信對所學知識能有較深刻的了解。例如，當小朋友學到「萬里長城」時，如能到該處走一趟，相信更能感受到這個建築工程在人類文明史上的偉大。我在選擇旅行地點時，也會考慮會否與女兒的學習內容相配合。例如，在她學到不同種類的動物時，我會在旅行中加入動物園作參觀景點，讓她能親身接觸不同的動物，這總比單從書本或電視認識好得多。
我很重視去旅行的數天時間，主要原因是在旅行的數天，我和女兒有一段較長的朝夕相處時間，只要用心觀察，你會對孩子有更深入的了解，在我女兒還小的時候，我會在旅遊時特別關注女兒的以下事情：
(1) 孩子與陌生人相處的表現
在旅行期間，小孩會接觸到不同的陌生人，她的表現是怎樣呢？面對陌生的長輩，她會否主動跟人打招呼呢？能否有禮貌及得體地回答長輩的提問呢？面對同齡的小朋友，會否主動一起玩耍呢？如何處理當中可能發生的爭執呢？我喜歡從旁觀察，然後到晚上，我會跟女兒分享及讚賞她當天良好的表現，並鼓勵她明天哪些地方可做得更好。
The summer holidays are here, and many parents choose to travel with their children during this long break, not only to spend quality time together, but also to rejuvenate. I wonder if there are any other reasons why people choose to travel during the summer?
Some may say that traveling can also broaden children’s horizons. Indeed, “it is better to travel ten thousand miles than to read ten thousand books.” If children have firsthand experiences, they will likely have a deeper understanding of the knowledge they have learned. For example, when children learn about the Great Wall of China, visiting the site in person would allow them to truly appreciate the grandeur of this architectural marvel in human history. When choosing travel destinations, I also consider whether they align with my daughter’s learning content. For instance, when she is studying different types of animals, I will include a visit to the zoo during our trip, so that she can interact with various animals directly, which is much more engaging than learning from books or TV alone.
I highly value the several days we spend traveling, as it allows for extended quality time together. By observing my daughter closely during these days, I can gain deeper insights into her. When my daughter was younger, I would pay particular attention to the following aspects during our travels:
(1) How the child interacts with strangers
During travels, children encounter various unfamiliar people. How does my daughter behave in such situations? Does she proactively greet the unfamiliar elders? Can she politely and appropriately respond to their questions? When playing with peers her age, does she initiate interactions? How does she handle any potential conflicts that may arise? I enjoy observing discreetly, then in the evenings, I will share and praise her good conduct from the day, and encourage her on how she can do even better the next time.
(2) 孩子的自理能力
由於旅行的時間較為充裕，不需要和時間賽跑，這時你可以藉此培養孩子的自理能力。例如，我會安排女兒攜帶一個屬於她的小旅行箱，由她自行管理內裡的個人物品。我則從旁觀察，孩子能否妥善地處理她的個人用品，以及離開酒店或出發到另一個景點前，她能否把自己的物品收拾得妥妥當當。在有需要時，我會適時提點或從旁協助。
其實，要培養孩子們的品格和自理能力，並不一定需要乘搭飛機到外地旅遊。我想强調的是，品德培育並不能只停留在理論層面，一味的說教只會帶來反效果，因此品德培育應透過日常生活實踐出來。事實上，只要有充足的相處時間、多些陪伴子女，多些細心觀察子女的日常表現，在有需要時作出提點或協助，就算只是到郊外走走，也不難達到以上目的。
(2) The child’s self-care abilities
With the relatively ample time during travels, without having to race against the clock, this is when you can take the opportunity to foster your child’s self-care ability. For example, I will arrange for my daughter to carry a small travel suitcase of her own, and have her manage the personal items inside it. I then observe discreetly to see if the child can properly handle her personal belongings, and whether she can pack up her things neatly before leaving the hotel or heading to the next destination. I will provide timely reminders or assistance if needed.
In fact, fostering children’s character and self-care ability does not necessarily require taking a flight to travel to distant places. What I want to emphasize is that character education should not just remain at the theoretical level, as constant lecturing will only backfire. Rather, character education should be put into practice through daily life. In fact, as long as there is ample time for interaction and more companionship with the children, along with careful observation of their daily performance, and providing reminders or assistance when necessary, even just a trip to the countryside can achieve the above purposes.
撰文：註冊教育心理學家彭智華
近年來，環保意識抬頭，作為父母的你，可以為孩子建立一種既環保又有意義的嗜好，同時是一種簡單方便的親子活動──集郵。
在辦公室工作的父母，每天都需要拆開很多不同的信件，而信件上大多會有郵票，雖然我們可能認為那些郵票是一文不值，但其實它們是免費的親子活動好材料。我們可以把辦公室內不同類型和大小的信封與郵票帶回家，讓孩子處理整個收集郵票的程序：
1. 首先將郵票從信封剪出
2. 然後把郵票浸在水中一段時間
3. 把郵票慢慢撕離，然後印乾
4. 最後待郵票乾透後，便可以放在郵票簿內。
在這個處理郵票的過程中，不但可以訓練子女的耐性和專注力，也能夠提升他們的自我管理能力，還可以讓他們從中學習不同的資料，例如信封上不同國家地區的名稱、不同的地址；郵票上不同的銀碼和圖案設計等等，藉此發展子女的多元智能。
有些父母喜歡以獎品鼓勵子女，例如以玩具作為獎品，鼓勵子女溫習或用星星貼紙鼓勵子女努力完成功課。其實，郵票可以成為更有效的獎品，每當孩子完成某些指定的事情，便給他一張郵票作為獎品，而圖案愈美麗、款式愈罕有的郵票，就是愈有效的獎品。此舉不但可以減少物質泛濫對於子女的負面影響，而且郵票具有觀賞價值，又可以儲存很長的時間，最重要的是，我們可以與子女一同觀賞郵票簿，作為親子的溝通工具。
Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist
In recent years, environmental awareness has been on the rise. As a parent, you can cultivate an eco-friendly and meaningful hobby like stamp collecting for your child. This can also serve as a simple and convenient parent-child activity.
Parents who work in an office often need to open various types of mail, which often come with used stamps. While we may think those stamps are worthless, they can actually be great materials for a free parent-child activity. We can bring the different types and sizes of envelopes and stamps from the office back home, and let the children go through the whole process of stamp collecting:
1. Cut the stamps off the envelopes.
2. Soak the stamps in water for a while.
3. Slowly peel the stamps off and let them dry.
4. Once the stamps are dry, they can be placed in a stamp album.
This process of handling the stamps can not only train the children’s patience and focus, but also enhance their self-management abilities. They can also learn different information from the envelopes and stamps, such as the names of different countries and regions, various denominations, and stamp designs, thus developing their multiple intelligences.
Some parents like to use toys as rewards to encourage their children, such as rewarding them with stickers after they finish their homework. Stamps can actually be more effective rewards. Whenever the child completes certain tasks, they can be given a stamp as a reward, and the more beautiful or rare the stamp, the more effective the reward will be. This not only reduces the negative impact of material abundance on the children, but stamps also have aesthetic value and can be stored for a long time. Most importantly, we can appreciate the stamp album together with the children, which can serve as a tool for parent-child communication.
另外，香港經常都會推出新的郵票，亦會定期推出不同主題的首日封，家長可以較相宜的價格換來很多不同款式、圖案及大小的郵票。如果家長到外地旅行或公幹，更可以搜集當地的郵票，特別是那些最便宜的郵票，例如在英國有價值一仙的郵票。家長也可以請身邊的親戚朋友和同事，假如有機會到外地公幹或旅行，可透過他們在世界各地搜集不同的郵票回來，經過不同的搜集渠道，給孩子的郵票款式便可以大大地擴闊。大家不妨一試這個有意義的獎勵計劃及親子活動！
Additionally,
Hong Kong frequently launches new stamps and themed first-day covers, which
parents can acquire at reasonable prices to greatly expand the variety of
stamps, designs, and sizes for their children. If parents travel or go on
business trips abroad, they can also collect local stamps, especially the
cheapest ones, like the one-penny stamps in the UK. Parents can also ask their
relatives, friends, and colleagues to bring back stamps from their travels or
business trips, which can greatly diversify the stamp collection for the
children through different acquisition channels.
Why
not try this meaningful reward system and parent-child activity with your
family?
第四級 嚴重持續性哮喘
患者每天都要使用氣管舒張劑，每日三至四次，同時要使用吸入式類固醇控制病情。
經醫生提醒，我以後不應再害怕讓小朋友使用吸入式氣管舒張劑了！及早紓緩孩子咳嗽氣喘，長遠亦希望可以避免哮喘情況惡化。
Stage 4: Severe Persistent Asthma
Patients need to use a bronchodilator daily, three to four times a day, while also using inhaled steroids to control the condition.
Following the doctor’s advice, I should no longer be afraid to let my child use inhaled bronchodilators! Relieving the child’s coughing and asthma symptoms early on can also hopefully prevent the worsening of asthma conditions in the long run.
撰文：Dr. Kong專業團隊註冊物理治療師方偉筠
家長要避免子女養成以下不良的姿勢，影響脊部發展：
當小朋友做功課時，應該避免側向一邊坐，因為這種姿勢容易令脊部左右用力不平均，引起脊柱側彎等脊部問題；同時亦應該保持頸部腰部挺直。
Written by: Fong Wai Kwan, Dr. Kong’s Professional Team of Registered Physiotherapist
Parents should avoid letting their children develop the following bad postures, which can affect the development of the spine:
When children are doing their homework, they should avoid sitting sideways to one side, as this posture can easily lead to uneven use of force on the left and right sides of the spine, causing problems such as scoliosis. At the same time, they should maintain an upright posture in both the neck and waist.
當小朋友使用電腦時，頸部亦不應過於向前傾看顯示屏，因為這樣會容易令頸部勞損。家長亦應提醒小朋友保持頸部及背部垂直，並選擇可調校高度和配備椅背及扶手的椅子，以承托背部手和手腕。另外，顯示屏亦需要置於不高於眼睛的位置。每使用電腦 30 分鐘，就應該作適量的休息。
當搬運地上重物時，應該避免向前彎腰搬運地上的物件。首先，作半蹲姿勢，須保持腰部挺直。然後，雙手拿著重物，使重物盡量靠近身體。最後，用大腿肌肉站起，腰部保持挺直。
伸展頸部運動
功能：有助紓緩頸部肌肉之緊張
步驟：首先，頭部轉向左右兩邊，各維持 10 秒。
然後，頭部向上下方向望，各維持 10 秒。
接著，頭部側向左右兩邊，各維持 10 秒。
整套動作每天重複 10 次。
伸展膞頭運動
功能：有助紓緩肩膞肌肉緊張
步驟：手放肩膞，手肘向前後方向各轉動 10 次。
When children use computers, they should not lean their necks too far forward to look at the screen, as this can easily lead to neck strain. Parents should also remind children to keep their necks and backs straight, and choose chairs that are adjustable in height and equipped with backrests and armrests to support the back, hands, and wrists. Additionally, the screen should be positioned at a height not above eye level. After every 30 minutes of computer use, there should be adequate rest breaks taken.
When lifting heavy objects from the floor, it is best to avoid bending the waist forward to pick them up. Instead, one should adopt a semi-squatting posture, keeping the waist straight. Then, grip the heavy object with both hands, keeping it as close to the body as possible. Finally, use the leg muscles to stand up, maintaining a straight waist.
Neck Stretching Exercises
Purpose: To help relieve muscle tension in the neck
Steps: 1. Turn your head to the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.
2. Move your head up and down, holding each position for 10 seconds.
3. Tilt your head towards the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.
Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.
Shoulder Stretching Exercises
Purpose: To help relieve tension in the shoulder muscles
Steps: Place your hands on your shoulders, and rotate your elbows forward and backward 10 times in each direction.
伸展胸肌
功能：有助伸張胸前肌肉，改善寒背
步驟：緊握雙手在背後，盡量提高雙手，維持 10 秒。每天重複動作 10 次。
伸展腰背肌肉
功能：有助紓緩腰背肌肉緊張
步驟：首先雙手放在膝頭，然後向前彎腰，維持 10 秒，再慢慢回復站立姿勢。
雙手撐腰，再向後彎腰，維持 10 秒，慢慢回復站立姿勢。
整套動作每天重複 10 次。
伸展體側肌
功能：有助紓緩腰部體側肌緊張
步驟：首先雙手撐腰，腰部轉向左右兩邊，慢慢回復站立撐腰姿勢。
每一個方向維持 10 秒。
然後，舉起左手向右彎，維持 10 秒，再慢慢回復站立撐腰姿勢。
舉起右手向左彎，維持 10 秒，慢慢回復站立撐腰姿勢。
整套動作每天重複 10 次。
Chest Stretching
Purpose: To help stretch the chest muscles and improve poor posture
Steps: Firmly grasp your hands behind your back, and raise your hands as high as possible, holding for 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times per day.
Stretching the Back and Waist Muscles
Purpose: To help relieve tension in the back and waist muscles
Steps: 1. Place your hands on your knees, then bend forward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.
2. Place your hands on your hips, then bend backward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.
Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.
Side Body Stretching
Purpose: To help relieve tension in the side waist muscles
Steps: 1. Place your hands on your hips and twist your waist from side to side, slowly returning to the starting standing position with hands on hips. Hold each side for 10 seconds.
2. Raise your left hand and bend to the right, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.
3. Raise your right hand and bend to the left, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.
Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.
撰文：教育專家張作芳校長
不知道大家曾否聽過某電視劇集的主題曲 「擁抱愛」？本人很喜歡其中的數句歌詞，寥寥數字就帶出了「家」的特性：家是一個『遮風擋雨』的地方，如你的『後盾』，在你「困倦」時，家的大門總會為你打開。當中提到的「愛」，便是那份由你出生那一刻便已注定，血濃於水的親情。的而且確，有甚麼比親情來得更重要呢？當你失意的時候，家人會為你分憂，願意聆聽你的傾訴，陪伴你一同渡過難關；當你生病的時候，家人願意無條件地照顧你；在你學業或事業有成時，他們會打從心底裡高興，為你的成就感到驕傲。這種「愛」並不是金錢能換到的。
我校今年以「家庭」為主題，期望能使家長及同學明白親情的可貴。可惜，這份愛或許來得太易，自出世便擁有，因此有些人未懂得珍惜。有時候，從報章可見，一些青少年寧可在街上流連，也不願意回家；一些家庭終日爭吵，家彷彿變成了一個戰場；一些人甚至會為了瑣事而與家人動武，導致血案發生。以上列舉的只是冰山一角的例子，有時我會想，好好的一個家變成這樣，實在令人惋惜。
在家中應多說的三句話
如何才能建立和諧的家庭呢？教宗方濟各在談論家庭時曾提出「家庭生活三語」，即在家中應多說的三句話，分別是「謝謝」、「請問」及「對不起」。「謝謝」代表對家人感恩。很多時候，子女自小便被父母照顧，覺得一切理所當然。試想想，父母是否必須要為你準備早、午、晚三餐呢？是誰為你清洗衣服鞋襪，讓你有一個衛生條件較佳的生活環境呢？當你生病的時候，是誰衣不解帶地照顧你，晚上也起牀餵喂你吃藥呢？同學們，在父母照顧你的同時，不妨多說聲「謝謝」，有空時也可幫忙父母做家務，分擔他們的工作。事實上，當子女為父母完成家務後，父母也可向他們說句「謝謝」。現今社會，長輩擺出一副高高在上的姿態已不合時宜。要知道，各人在建立和諧的家庭上也有責任，不要認為某些工作必然是某家庭成員的責任。得到別人的幫助，就算是家人，也可說句「謝謝」。
Written by: Principal Cheung Jok Fong, Education expert
Have you ever heard the theme song “Embrace Love” from a certain TV series? I really like some of the lyrics, which simply yet powerfully convey the essence of “home”: home is a place that “shelters from wind and rain”, your “shield” that will always “open its door” when you are “weary”. The “love” mentioned refers to the familial love that is destined from the moment you were born – a bond thicker than water. Indeed, what could be more important than family love? When you are down on your luck, your family will share your worries, listen to your woes, and accompany you through the difficult times; when you are ill, your family will care for you unconditionally; when you succeed in your studies or career, they will rejoice wholeheartedly and feel proud of your accomplishments. This kind of “love” is something that money cannot buy.
This year, our school has chosen “family” as the main theme, hoping to help parents and students appreciate the preciousness of family love. Unfortunately, this love may be taken for granted, as we are born into it, and hence some people fail to cherish it. Sometimes, we see from the news that some youths would rather loiter on the streets than return home; some families are embroiled in constant bickering, turning home into a battleground; some people even resort to violence against their own family members over trivial matters, leading to bloodshed. These are just the tip of the iceberg – it is truly saddening to see a good home deteriorate in such a way.
Three Phrases to Say More Often at Home
How can we build a harmonious family? Pope Francis, when discussing family life, proposed the “three family phrases”, which are the three phrases we should say more often at home: “thank you”, “may I”, and “I’m sorry”. “Thank you” expresses gratitude to family members. Often, children take the care provided by their parents for granted. But think about it – do parents have to prepare three meals a day for you? Who washes your clothes and shoes, giving you a more hygienic living environment? When you are sick, who tenderly cares for you, even getting up at night to feed you medicine? Schoolmates, while your parents are caring for you, why not say “thank you” more often? When you have the chance, you can also help your parents with household chores, sharing their workload. In fact, when children help with household tasks, parents can also say “thank you” to them. Nowadays, it is no longer appropriate for elders to adopt a superior attitude. Everyone has a responsibility in building a harmonious family – do not assume that certain tasks are the sole responsibility of certain family members. Even when receiving help from family members, a simple “thank you” can go a long way.
「請問」代表對家人的尊重，對人有禮貌的表現。或許有人認為，既然是一家人，說話不用太客氣，應有話直說即可。事實上，「請問」不只叫我們說話客氣，而是提醒我們，說話內容要顧及家人的感受。有時候，人往往會為一些瑣事而鬧得面紅耳赤，認為凡事應據理力爭，就算對家人也應如此。但這樣做真的值得嗎？正如廣告所說：「贏了場交，輸了個家。」即使親如家人，還是慎言一點較好。
至於「對不起」，則代表求家人原諒。做錯了事，當然要有承擔的勇氣，向曾傷害的人說句「對不起」，是理所當然之事。同時，「對不起」也代表了與家人修補關係的契機。有時候，對錯是很難用三言兩語判斷的。又或者，事情根本就沒有對錯之分，只是大家的價值觀不同而已，偏偏很多時候，爭執就是由此而起。假如大家各不相讓，關係便會鬧得很僵。正所謂「退一步，海闊天空」，放下身段不代表要你屈服，也不是要你向事情妥協，反而是製造一個新的機遇，把問題以更好的方式解決。
古今中外都非常重視「家庭」的概念。天主說：「人單獨不好，我要給他造一個與他相稱的助手。」(創世紀 2:18)，天主安排我們在不同的團體中成長，而成長的第一個團體就是我們的家；至於孔子非常重視孝悌，認為它是做人、做學問的根本。各位，就讓我們從今天開始，多實踐「家庭生活三語」，共建和諧美好的家。
“Please” represents respect for family members and polite behavior towards others. Some may think that since they are family, they do not need to be too polite and can just speak directly. However, “please” not only reminds us to speak politely, but also to consider the feelings of our family members. Sometimes, people get into heated arguments over trivial matters, believing that they should fight for what is right, even with their own family. But is that really worth it? As the saying goes, “You may have won the battle, but lost the family.” Even with family, it is still better to be more cautious with our words.
As for “I’m sorry,” it represents seeking forgiveness from family members. When we have done something wrong, we should have the courage to take responsibility and say “I’m sorry” to those we have hurt. At the same time, “I’m sorry” also represents an opportunity to mend relationships with our family. Sometimes, it is not easy to determine who is right or wrong, or there may not even be a clear right or wrong, but just differences in values. Many conflicts arise from this very reason. If everyone refuses to compromise, the relationship will become very strained. As the saying goes, “Take a step back, and the world will be wide open.” Letting go of one’s ego does not mean one has to surrender or compromise on the issue, but rather creates a new opportunity to solve the problem in a better way.
Both in China and abroad, the concept of “family” is highly valued. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) God has arranged for us to grow up in different groups, and the first group is our family. As for Confucius, he greatly valued filial piety, believing it to be the foundation of being a good person and a scholar. Let us all start practicing the “Three Phrases of Family Life” from today, and build a harmonious and beautiful family together.
撰文：家庭動力創辦人及行政總監
婚姻及家庭治療師
兒童遊戲治療師吳綺琴
很多家長都這樣投訴，説子女愈大愈不願意跟父母説話，感情變得疏離冷漠。父母開始不知道子女的腦袋裡想甚麼，他們的學校生活是怎樣的，朋友是怎樣的。就眼睛所見，都是打機、看電視、上網、Whatsapp、WeChat和Instagram！父母不期然產生一種無形的不安，因為與所愛的子女好像脫了軌，沒有連繫一樣！父母愈不安，愈想把子女拉回身邊。但所用的方式，往往是查問、規管、批評和責備，對孩子的行為既不理解也不信任。父母的「著緊」及「關心」，在孩子的角度，只感到父母操控及無理！結果父母愈想拉近子女，子女愈想逃避父母！這種追逐令親子關係變得緊張而難堪，實在十分可惜！
無論對社會的演進及下一代的培育，父母的角色都最為重要。父母的責任是多重的：關愛、供養、教導和示範等等。最能令父母與子女的關係連繫起來，產生正面的互動，就是父母傳遞愛與關懷的方式，能令子女真正感受得到。有時父母會驚訝地問：「我這樣還不算是關心嗎？他怎可能感受不到呢？」其實每個孩子的需要可能不同，他們渴望得到關心的模式也可能不一樣。若父母不是用孩子的角度出發，只一廂情願用自己的角度去理解，及用自己習慣的方法去關心，就算父母圍著孩子「氹氹轉」，都一樣可能產生以上的的結果：一個追、一個走！
Written
by: Ms. Ng Yee Kam, Founder and CEO of Family Dynamics
Marriage and Family
Therapist
Child Play Therapist
Many parents complain that as their children grow older, they become less willing to talk to their parents, and the relationship becomes more distant and indifferent. Parents begin to not know what is on their children’s minds, what their school life is like, and what their friends are like. As far as the eye can see, it’s all gaming, watching TV, surfing the internet, WhatsApp, WeChat, and Instagram! Parents inevitably develop a sense of unease, because it feels like they have lost connection with their beloved children. The more uneasy parents become, the more they want to pull their children back. But the methods they use are often questioning, regulating, criticizing, and blaming, showing a lack of understanding and trust towards their children’s behavior. From the children’s perspective, the parents’ “concern” and “care” feel like control and unreasonableness. As a result, the more the parents want to get closer to their children, the more the children want to avoid their parents! This chasing creates a tense and awkward parent-child relationship, which is truly a pity!
Whether it’s the evolution of society or the nurturing of the next generation, the role of parents is the most important. Parents have multiple responsibilities: care, provision, guidance, and demonstration. The best way to connect the relationship between parents and children and create positive interactions is the way parents convey love and care, which can make children truly feel it. Sometimes parents may be surprised and ask, “Isn’t this how I show concern? How could he not feel it?” In fact, each child’s needs may be different, and the way they crave care may also be different. If parents do not approach it from the child’s perspective, but only selfishly use their own perspective to understand and the methods they are used to in showing care, even if parents “circle around” the child, the same result may occur: one chases, one walks!
要讓孩子真正感受到父母的愛及關懷，關鍵在於父母的著眼點是在孩子本身，抑或只是在孩子的表現。父母的關懷若是在孩子身上，孩子一定會感受得到，他們亦會以正面的方式來回應。若父母關心的只是孩子的表現，孩子遲早會與父母疏離，甚至把他們拒之於門外。
若我們對比以下這些父母對孩子的説話，就可知道「關心孩子」與「關心孩子表現」的分別：
當父母放工回家問孩子：
A「你今天返學開心嗎？」
B「今天的功課你做好了嗎？」
孩子測驗拿了65分，父母說：
A「你拿了這個分數是否很失望呢？也許你會感到不開心，你可與我分享你的心情啊！」
B 「你平日又懶又不專心，這樣可以拿到好成績嗎？你若不再更努力，下次還會不及格添，甚至有機會留級！」
在忙碌的生活節奏中，建立良好的親子關係實不容易！與子女建立正面的互動及連繫，才能在孩子成長的路途上，不斷給予鼓勵及支持。如果稍一不慎，選擇了錯誤的表達方式，縱然父母心裡有很多愛，子女也未必接受！
For children to truly feel their parents’ love and care, the key lies in whether the parents’ focus is on the children themselves, or only on the children’s performance. If the parents’ care is focused on the child, the child will definitely feel it, and they will respond in a positive way. If the parents’ concern is only about the child’s performance, the child will eventually become alienated from the parents, and may even shut them out.
If we compare the following examples of what parents say to their children, we can see the difference between “caring for the child” and “caring for the child’s performance”:
When parents come home from work and ask their children:
A “Did you have a happy day at school today?”
B “Did you finish your homework today?”
When the child gets a 65 on a test, the parents say:
A “Are you feeling disappointed with this score? Perhaps you feel unhappy, you can share your feelings with me!”
B “You’ve been lazy and unfocused, how can you get good grades like this? If you don’t work harder, you’ll fail again next time, and might even have to repeat the grade!”
In the busy pace of life, it is not easy to establish a good parent-child relationship! Establishing positive interactions and connections with your children is the only way to provide them with continuous encouragement and support as they grow up. If you’re not careful and choose the wrong way of expressing yourself, even though the parents may have a lot of love in their hearts, the children may not accept it!
撰文：協康會教育心理學家團隊
自閉症幼兒的智能及言語能力達 5 至 6 歲，又應看甚麼書呢？家長與孩子閱讀時又有甚麼技巧呢？
高智能的自閉症幼兒應該能明白簡單德育故事，家長可參照「社交故事」形式讓自閉症孩子有效理解內容。當孩子對故事內容熟悉了，家長可把主角換成其他真實人物，或是換成孩子自己，好讓孩子慢慢把自己代入德育故事的情景中。故事角色可以變，那麼故事情節也可以有少許改變：例如「婆婆家」可改作「姨姨家」，讓孩子靈活運用所學到的。當然，角色及情節的改變，需要在兒童未發展出對故事細節的頑固之前。至於常用抽象比喻的寓言、童話和神話故事，需待自閉症兒童有能力把知識廣泛化時才可以使用。
在認知方面，當孩子理解能力達到一定水平時，家長可在故事中強調情緒字眼，例如「見到狗，美美很害怕。」當兒童適合學習先後概念時，可強調時間的描述，例如「美美做錯事，之後，說對不起。」因應孩子程度，家長可善用故事書的每一頁，加插或用語氣強調適用的字眼。
Written by: The Educational Psychologist Team of the Heep Hong Society
For young children with autism who have intellectual and language abilities at the 5-6 year old level, what kind of books should they read? What techniques should parents use when reading with their children?
Young children with high-functioning autism should be able to understand simple moral stories. Parents can refer to the “social story” format to help children with autism effectively understand the content. When the child is familiar with the story content, parents can replace the main character with other real people, or even the child themselves, so that the child can gradually put themselves into the moral story scenario. The story characters can be changed, and the story plot can also be slightly altered: for example, “grandma’s house” can be changed to “aunt’s house”, allowing the child to flexibly apply what they have learned. Of course, changes to the characters and plot should be made before the child develops rigidity towards the story details. As for fables, fairy tales and mythological stories that commonly use abstract metaphors, they can be used only when the child with autism has the ability to generalize their knowledge.
In terms of cognition, when the child’s comprehension reaches a certain level, parents can emphasize emotional words in the story, such as “When she saw the dog, Mei Mei was very scared.” When the child is ready to learn the concept of sequence, parents can emphasize the description of time, such as “Mei Mei did something wrong, and then she said she was sorry.” Based on the child’s level, parents can utilize each page of the storybook, adding or emphasizing appropriate words.
在親子交流方面，能力較高的自閉症兒童，可與家長輪流一人一句地講故事，此方法既可訓練孩子接續故事和專心聽別人說話的能力之外，又可讓孩子在參與過程中，加深對故事的印象。家長靈活運用故事書，能夠滿足孩子發展需要和促進親子交流。自閉症孩子常常缺乏假想能力，隨書附送角色娃娃的故事書便大派用場：起初只說故事，後來加入娃娃，然後再逐步減少使用故事書，最後只以娃娃來講故事，並使用「你一句、我一句」的方法，帶孩子走出故事書，慢慢進入假想遊戲的世界。
在社交認知方面，使用漫畫的家長，可用塗改液把人物的「對話泡泡」塗白，然後與孩子一起創作新對話。起初可先塗改某些字詞，當雙方熟習方法後，便可塗改更多部分，直至所有對話都是自創的。勇於嘗試的家長，更可試為孩子度身製作故事書及設計不同的講故事方法，吸引孩子學習所需的社交概念。
In terms of parent-child interaction, for children with autism who have higher abilities, they can take turns with their parents to tell the story, one sentence at a time. This method not only trains the child’s ability to continue the story and focus on listening to others, but also allows the child to deepen their impression of the story through active participation. By using storybooks flexibly, parents can meet the developmental needs of the child and promote parent-child interaction. Children with autism often lack imaginative ability, so storybooks that come with character dolls can be very useful: initially, just tell the story, then add the dolls, and gradually reduce the use of the storybook, until finally using only the dolls to tell the story, and using the “one sentence for you, one sentence for me” method to guide the child out of the storybook and into the world of imaginative play.
In terms of social cognition, parents who use comics can use correction fluid to white out the “speech bubbles” of the characters, then work with the child to create new dialogues. Initially, they can modify certain words or phrases, and when both parties are familiar with the method, they can modify more parts, until all the dialogues are self-created. Daring parents can even try to custom-make storybooks for their child and design different ways of storytelling to attract the child to learn the social concepts they need.
撰文：幼兒教育專家陳陳淑安
有些孩子上幼稚園，甚至5、6歲時仍有吸吮手指的習慣。根據李維大偉 (David Levy) 博士的研究，在 10 分鐘內就把一瓶牛奶吃完的孩子（可能因為瓶頭孔較大），比在 20 分鐘內吃完整瓶奶的孩子，容易有吸吮指頭的行為。李博士又曾試驗用滴筒餵小狗，使牠們在吃奶的時候沒有機會吸吮，結果牠們的反應，是彼此吸吮自己或別的小狗的皮，有些吸吮得十分厲害，連皮都脫掉。由此我們可以知道嬰兒最初數月吸吮指頭的行為，是因為得不到吸吮的滿足所致，是一種需要，並不是與生俱來，也不是壞行為。
為甚麼孩子會有吸吮手指的習慣？
餵哺母乳 增進親子感情
母親能親自哺乳，嬰兒是最幸福的，因為嬰兒不但得到適當的營養，與母親肌膚接觸得到溫暖安全感，而且由於吸吮著柔軟的乳頭，除了得到溫飽外，還享受著母子心靈上的溝通，這種深厚的愛，骨肉的親情與吃著冷冰冰的奶瓶，是不能相提並論的，何況嬰兒在吸吮得到無上的滿足感。
但是，母親大多外出工作，加上種種原因，不得不用奶瓶餵孩子時，應特別注意餵奶的次數和所費的時間。母親應平心靜氣地讓孩子慢慢吃，特別注意奶嘴洞眼的大小，孩子得到吸吮的滿足，才不致容易發生吸吮手指的習慣，嬰兒喜歡吮手指起自無意識的，他的小指在挪動著，無意地放進嘴裡，感到愉快滿足而吸吮起來。
Written by: Ms. Chan-Chen Shu-an, Early Childhood Education Specialist
Some children still have the habit of sucking their fingers even when they enter kindergarten, or even at ages 5 or 6. According to Dr. David Levy’s research, children who finish a bottle of milk in 10 minutes (possibly due to a larger bottle nipple hole) are more likely to develop the habit of sucking their fingers, compared to children who finish the entire bottle in 20 minutes. Dr. Levy also experimented by feeding puppies with a dropper, so they didn’t have a chance to suck while drinking milk. The result was that the puppies reacted by sucking each other’s or their own skin, and some even peeled off the skin through excessive sucking. From this, we can understand that the behavior of infants sucking their fingers in the first few months is due to the lack of satisfaction from sucking, it is a need, and not an innate or bad behavior.
Why do children develop the habit of sucking their fingers?
Breastfeeding Promotes Parent-Child Bonding
When a mother can breastfeed her baby, the infant is the happiest, because not only does the baby receive proper nutrition, but also the skin-to-skin contact provides warmth and a sense of security. Moreover, by sucking on the soft nipple, in addition to getting fed, the baby also enjoys the communication and deep love between mother and child. This profound affection and intimacy is incomparable to being fed by a cold bottle. The baby also experiences an unparalleled sense of fulfillment from the sucking.
However, as most mothers have to work outside the home, and for various other reasons, they have to use bottles to feed their children. In these cases, parents should pay special attention to the frequency and time taken for bottle-feeding. Mothers should calmly let the child eat slowly, and pay particular attention to the size of the bottle nipple hole. If the baby’s sucking needs are adequately met, they are less likely to develop the habit of sucking their fingers. Babies tend to start finger-sucking unconsciously – their little fingers move around and end up in their mouth, and they find pleasure and satisfaction in sucking on them.
發洩心理緊張
可是到了4、5 歲時仍不斷吸吮指頭，那意義就不同了，這可能是一種心理緊張的發洩。例如：因父母不和，使孩子感到焦慮；因為有了一個新的弟妹，怕失去了父母親的愛；因為父母太忙，無瑕照顧他們而感到孤寂，沒有家庭的溫暖；又或者因為孩子太早被送往幼稚園，得不到適當的照顧而缺乏安全感。這些導致孩子焦慮、不安、緊張、惶恐都是心理緊張的成因。
孩子與成人一樣，心理緊張時需要發洩，這本是很自然的現象，成人為減輕心理緊張，往往用抽煙來鬆弛自己。孩子會用吮手指，或搖晃來發洩情緒緊張。在這情況下，為人父母者，除了要注意改善對孩子的態度外，應額外有耐心，應保持平和、慈祥的心態，使孩子感到放鬆沒壓力，反之父母表現擔憂、緊張甚或急於糾正而責罵，綁手指、塗苦藥等，只會弄巧反拙，增加孩子的不安，自己想改掉又不能自制，變成惡性循環，延長了吸吮手指的習慣。
Venting Psychological Stress
However, if the habit of thumb-sucking persists even at the age of 4-5 years old, the meaning is different. This could be a way to vent psychological stress. For example: due to conflicts between parents, the child feels anxious; because of a new sibling, the child fears losing parental love; because parents are too busy and unable to take care of them, the child feels lonely and lacks the warmth of a family; or the child was sent to kindergarten too early and lacks proper care, resulting in a lack of a sense of security. These factors can lead the child to feel anxiety, uneasiness, tension, and panic, which are all causes of psychological stress.
Just like adults, when children experience psychological stress, they need to vent it, which is a very natural phenomenon. Adults often use smoking to relax themselves. Children may use thumb-sucking or rocking to vent their emotional tension. In this case, as parents, in addition to paying attention to improving their attitude towards the child, they should also have extra patience. They should maintain a calm and kind attitude, so that the child can feel relaxed and not under pressure. If the parents show worry, tension or are hasty in correcting the behavior, such as tying the hands or applying bitter medicine, it will only backfire and increase the child’s insecurity. The child wants to stop the habit but cannot control it, creating a vicious cycle that prolongs the thumb-sucking habit.
家長可以怎麼辦？
1.盡量用母乳餵哺，這是最自然、最適合嬰兒的哺乳方法，養成吸吮手指習慣的機會亦較少。
2.家長用奶樽餵奶時，應特別注意餵奶的時間，能保持 15 至 20 分鐘是比較理想的。
3.用玩具和洋娃娃等，與孩子多做手指的活動，以便轉移孩子吸吮的習慣。
4.多接近孩子，一起玩耍、說故事和唱兒歌等，使孩子不致感到寂寞和無聊而吸吮手指。
5.孩子吸吮得厲害時，父母仍應有耐性，保持安祥和不緊張的態度，有時不理會和不提點孩子，吸吮手指的現象反而自然地消失。
6.如果孩子在 6 歲前已有吸吮手指習慣多年，自然會逐漸消失，尤其是當孩子白天不再吮手指，只有睡覺時才吮，這就表示已是尾聲了。父母應耐心等待，急於糾正是不生效的。特別是當孩子上幼稚園後，往往因不願在其他朋輩面前吸吮手指，又或者在學校忙於其他活動，吸吮手指的習慣會無形消失。
7.吸吮後的手指會有難聞的氣味，如果 5 至 6 歲的孩子仍有吸吮習慣，可試試讓他嗅嗅難聞的氣味，可能因而糾正不良習慣。
What can parents do?
1. Breastfeed as much as possible, as this is the
most natural and suitable feeding method for infants, and it reduces the
chances of the child developing a thumb-sucking habit.
2. When using a bottle to feed the child, parents should pay special attention to the feeding time, and aim to maintain the feeding for 15 to 20 minutes, which is relatively ideal.
3. Use toys and dolls to engage the child in finger activities, in order to divert the child’s habit of thumb-sucking.
4. Spend more time with the child, playing together, telling stories, and singing children’s songs, so that the child does not feel lonely and bored, and thus less inclined to suck their thumb.
5. When the child sucks their thumb excessively, parents should still be patient and maintain a calm and relaxed attitude. Sometimes, ignoring the behavior and not drawing attention to it can naturally lead to the disappearance of the thumb-sucking habit.
6. If the child has had a thumb-sucking habit for many years before the age of 6, it will gradually disappear, especially when the child no longer sucks their thumb during the day, but only while sleeping. Parents should be patient and wait, as rushing to correct the habit is ineffective. Particularly after the child starts kindergarten, the habit may disappear naturally, as the child may not want to suck their thumb in front of their peers, or they are too busy with other activities at school.
7. Sucked fingers can have an unpleasant odor. If a child aged 5-6 still has the thumb-sucking habit, parents can try having the child smell the unpleasant odor, which may help correct this bad habit.
撰文：教育專家朱活民
筆者在童年時偶然會見到秋雁，有時看到母親一邊數日曆一邊自言自語，又會聽到姐姐說，再過一個月爸爸就會回來過新年……生活總是充滿著期待與掛念。於是我們幾兄弟姊妹會努力做好功課，認真讀書，因為我們都希望到了臘月盡頭，可以讓回家的爸爸多一點安慰。
時移世易，通訊設備的高速發展令人與人之間溝通更方便，想聽到掛念的人的聲音，只需撥個電話，要不然來個短訊，甚至到某個群組互相交流。這一切都是科技發達帶給人們的方便，而謄寫家書似是遙不可及的事了。不過，筆者對童年時替媽媽寫信回鄉的回憶，至今仍歷歷在目，印象深刻。媽媽口述一句，我便下筆錄寫，有時看到媽媽因掛念鄉間的親人而流淚，我也會不期然地哽咽。寫家書的經歷，令我體會了親情寶貴，從中認知掛念和忍耐。
有人認為現今部分年青人不懂人情世故，而產生這些現象的其中一個原因，個人認為與通訊模式的改變有關。當你乘搭地鐵時，不妨留意一下用手機通訊的奇景，可能在你的前後左右，都是一個個低頭整理數據的人。一整天對著電腦或手機，無需要與人面對面溝通，自然難以改善處理人際關係的技巧。而急促的社會步伐，容易擠壓思考空間，生活沒有等待掛念的經歷，亦難以修養敦厚的品性。這些近年才衍生的兒童成長問題，是需要我們共同關注的。
Written by: Education expert, Chu Wud Man
As a child, I occasionally saw wild geese in autumn. I would sometimes see my mother counting the calendar and muttering to herself, and I would also hear my sister say that in another month, Dad would be coming back for the Lunar New Year… Life was always full of expectation and longing. So, my siblings and I would work hard on our schoolwork and study diligently, because we all hoped that by the end of the twelfth lunar month, we could bring a little more comfort to our returning father.
As time and the world change, the rapid development of communication devices has made communication between people more convenient. To hear the voice of a person you long for, you only need to make a phone call, send a text message, or even participate in a group discussion. All of this is the convenience brought about by technological advancement, and the handwriting of letters home has become a distant memory.
However, I still vividly remember the childhood memories of writing letters home for my mother. She would dictate a sentence, and I would write it down. Sometimes, I would see my mother tearing up as she longed for her relatives back home, and I would involuntarily choke up as well. The experience of writing letters home made me appreciate the preciousness of family bonds and understand the feelings of longing and patience.
Some people believe that some young people today lack social etiquette, and one of the reasons for this phenomenon is the change in communication patterns. When you ride the subway, you can’t help but notice the curious sight of people buried in their phones, sorting through data. Spending the whole day in front of a computer or phone, without the need for face-to-face communication, naturally makes it difficult to improve interpersonal skills. The fast pace of society also tends to squeeze out space for contemplation, and without the experience of waiting and longing, it is difficult to cultivate a sincere and upright character. These problems in the growth of children that have emerged in recent years are issues that we all need to pay attention to.
家長除了要關注孩子是否適當使用通訊器材，更要指導他們減少使用時間，避免「機不離手」。當一家人晚飯的時候，家長不妨向孩子們分享一些工作經歷或辛酸，讓他們從不同角度認知社會，了解父母的辛勞，啟發慎思。另外，對家裡即將安排的大事，父母也要讓他們表達意見，讓孩子們學習對日子有期待，對親人有掛念。在人與人之間的溝通裡認識人情世故，是很好的成長課。各位親愛的家長，當我們享受近代科技發達帶來的好處時，亦別忽略了科技發達對兒童心智成長的影響。
In addition to paying attention to whether children are using communication devices appropriately, parents should also guide them to reduce their usage time and avoid being “inseparable from the device.” During family dinners, parents can share their work experiences or hardships with their children, allowing them to understand society from different perspectives and appreciate the efforts of their parents, which can inspire them to think more carefully. Furthermore, when the family is about to arrange important events, parents should also let the children express their opinions, so that they can learn to look forward to their days and long for their family members. Learning about human relationships through communication between people is an excellent growth experience. Dear parents, as we enjoy the benefits brought by modern technological advancement, we should not overlook the impact of technological development on the mental growth of our children.
撰文：張傑醫生
這個年代，父母對孩子的保護，比以往任何一個年代都會有過之而無不及。原因可能是子女的數目下降，以及大家的生活質素改善，所以父母對子女的看管，不但時間多了，照顧的範圍也廣泛得多。在這種保護(可能是過度)下，往往會讓孩子很自我，並且漠視其他人的重要性。在父母的角度，自己一定有所偏心，面對自己孩子的寬容度較高。面對孩子的不當行為，父母自己會為孩子提出藉口解釋。這種人之常情的做法，卻有機會讓孩子變得放肆。所以，在左右做人難的境況下，若果有人肯「出口幫教」的話，父母都應該感激。其中以下是「重要人物」。
1. 老師
老師是面對孩子最長時間的其中一個人。我們寧願老師在平日與孩子相處時，直接指出孩子的對和錯。這種直接的訊息可以好好讓孩子「入腦」。有時候，面對負面的批評，孩子當然會不開心，但是卻可以令孩子知道大家底線是甚麼。故此，父母應該感激老師嚴格的教導，最好不要隨便投訴老師的苦心。
2. 長輩
許多長輩對自己的子女可能是很嚴厲，但對於隔了一代的小孩子，一般都會變得很寬鬆，甚至比孩子的父母更甚。不過，長輩的地位和做人經驗其實比任何人還好。所以，他們「讚一句」比其他人的勸告更為有效。問題是，他們是否願意做壞人的角色。如果肯，父母應該感激他們的協助。撰文：張傑醫生撰文：張傑醫生
Written by: Dr. Cheung Kit
In this era, parents’ protection of their children surpasses that of any previous generation. This may be due to the decrease in the number of children and the improvement in living standards, leading to parents spending more time and providing more comprehensive care for their children. Under such (possibly excessive) protection, children often become very self-centered and disregard the importance of others. From the parents’ perspective, they are inevitably biased and more tolerant of their own children. When faced with their children’s inappropriate behavior, parents tend to make excuses for them. This common human behavior, however, may lead to children becoming unruly. Therefore, in the difficult situation of balancing right and wrong, if someone is willing to “offer help and guidance,” parents should be grateful. The following are “important figures.”
1. Teachers
Teachers are among the people who spend the most time with children. We would prefer teachers to directly point out the rights and wrongs to children during their daily interactions. This direct message can effectively “sink in” for the children. Sometimes, facing negative criticism, children will naturally feel unhappy, but it helps them understand the boundaries. Therefore, parents should appreciate the strict guidance of teachers and avoid casually complaining about their efforts.
2. Elders
Many elders may be very strict with their own children but tend to be much more lenient with their grandchildren, sometimes even more so than the children’s parents. However, the status and life experience of elders are actually superior to anyone else’s. Therefore, their “one word of praise” can be more effective than others’ advice. The question is whether they are willing to play the role of the bad guy. If they are, parents should be grateful for their assistance.
1. 醫護人員
醫護人員一向是被人較為尊重。但同時，孩子卻對醫療的程序較反感。所以，在診症和治療時，孩子的反應往往是一個好的教導機會。如果醫護人員(包括醫生和護士)肯在孩子不合作的行為時作出指導，孩子必定會較為明白。雖然不一定馬上改正，但是在這人生學習過程中，必定有所幫助。
2. 路人甲
有時一些沒有直接關係的旁人，在孩子行為不恰當時，若果能夠馬上指出，能夠達到當頭棒喝之效。對於在場的父母親，可能會有點尷尬，但是想真一點，這對孩子的行為是有好處的。
在處於成長學習期的孩子，在適當時候是有好好的教導，尤其是行為上有偏差時。所以，若果父母不願意做「醜人」時，若有其他人肯出聲糾正，我們是應該感恩和感激。
1. Medical Personnel
Medical personnel have always been relatively respected. However, children often have an aversion to medical procedures. Therefore, during consultations and treatments, children’s reactions often present a good teaching opportunity. If medical personnel (including doctors and nurses) are willing to provide guidance when children exhibit uncooperative behavior, the children will likely understand better. Although they may not correct their behavior immediately, it will certainly help in their life learning process.
2. Passersby
Sometimes, unrelated bystanders can immediately point out inappropriate behavior in children, which can have a startlingly effective impact. For the parents present, this might be a bit embarrassing, but thinking it through, it is beneficial for the child’s behavior.
Children in their growth and learning phase need proper guidance, especially when their behavior deviates. Therefore, if parents are unwilling to play the “bad guy,” we should be grateful and appreciative if others are willing to speak up and correct the child.
