分類: 家長園地

I once hosted a parent-child activity at a renowned school, and what I witnessed deeply shocked me. This not only made me rethink the educational essence behind the “halo effect” of prestigious schools, but also made me realize what kind of next generation we are raising.

When Love Becomes a Constraint

During the activity, I designed many challenging tasks, intending for children to build confidence and competence through independent problem-solving. However, I witnessed heartbreaking scenes:

“You don’t understand, let me do it!”

“I really can’t stand it, you can’t do this!”

“I’m so worried about what will happen to you in the future!”

These words pierced the children’s hearts like sharp knives. Parents, out of “love” and protection, unintentionally deprived their children of opportunities to grow. Challenges that should have allowed children to experience and solve problems independently ultimately became a “performance show” by the parents, with the children relegated to being mere “spectators.”

A Distorted Concept of Competition

What worries me even more is that in the designed competitive games, I found children lacking genuine enthusiasm for participation; instead, it was the parents who were eager for victory. This topsy-turvy phenomenon reflects a serious problem: we are raising a group of children who are afraid of failure and lack intrinsic motivation.

According to Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck’s growth mindset theory, when children focus excessively on results rather than process, they develop a fixed mindset, believing that abilities are innate and unchangeable. Such children will choose to avoid challenges because failure means “I’m not smart enough.”

Breakdowns Under Emotional Pressure

What broke my heart most was that when some children couldn’t complete the activity, even with encouragement from their parents, they still lost control of their emotions. The reason behind this wasn’t that the children lacked ability, but that they were under immense emotional pressure.

Child psychology research indicates that what children fear most is not failure itself, but the blame and disappointment that follow. When we link our children’s performance to our own pride, we are unknowingly placing heavy shackles on them.

High Academic Qualifications vs. True Competitiveness

This makes me reflect: What kind of children do we want to raise? Are we to be “high-scoring but low-ability” individuals with impressive academic records but lacking life skills, or future leaders with positive character, strong interpersonal relationships, and practical problem-solving abilities?

Looking at the rapid development of Shenzhen and Shanghai, and contrasting it with the relative stagnation of Hong Kong, the problem isn’t a lack of resources or capabilities.

The problem lies in our flawed mindset in nurturing the next generation.

Our children have become:

– Afraid to try new things

– Afraid to face failure

– Overthinking but lacking action

– Lacking a proactive spirit

But the AI ​​era demands precisely the uniquely human abilities:

– Creativity and imagination

– Critical thinking and problem-solving skills

– Emotional intelligence and interpersonal communication

Courage to challenge and adapt to change

Teamwork and leadership

The cultivation of these abilities doesn’t depend on the school’s reputation, but on how we guide children to face challenges.

Human Advantages in the AI ​​Era

In today’s rapidly developing AI landscape, machines are already capable of handling a vast amount of complex computational work. But this also unlocks true human value: creativity, critical thinking, emotional intelligence, collaboration, and a spirit of challenge. These are precisely the core competencies that children most need to cultivate today.

Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, proposed the PERMA model, which tells us that true happiness and success come from:

P – Positive Emotions: Let children experience a sense of accomplishment in challenges, not fear.

E – Engagement: Cultivate children’s intrinsic motivation, not external pressure.

R – Relationships: Build parent-child relationships based on trust and support.

M – Meaning: Help children understand the meaning of effort, not just the pursuit of results.

A – Accomplishment: Celebrate progress in the process, not just the final grade.

Cultivating these qualities doesn’t require the halo of prestigious schools. It lies in how we guide children to face challenges, cope with setbacks, and build self-confidence.

5 Practical Suggestions for Parents

Based on observations from this event and my years of research, I would like to offer five suggestions to all parents:

1. Learn to “Resist Helping”

When children face difficulties, give them time to think and try. Your “help” may be the biggest obstacle to their growth.

2. Focus on the Process, De-emphasize the Results

Ask your child, “What did you learn today?” instead of “What score did you get on your test today?”

3. Allow for Failure, Celebrate Attempts

Tell your child, “Failure is a necessary step on the road to success. I am proud of your courageous attempt.”

4. Cultivate Intrinsic Motivation

Help your child find what they are truly interested in, rather than imposing what you think is “good.”

5. Be Your Child’s Emotional Supporter

When children are feeling down, first accept their feelings, then guide them to think about solutions.

Nurturing Children for the Future

Whether it’s a prestigious school or an ordinary school, the key is to shift our focus in education. We need to nurture “children for the future,” not “children for parents.”

True education should:

– Allow children to experience failure in a safe environment and learn to grow from setbacks.

– Cultivate intrinsic motivation, rather than external reward and punishment systems.

– Value effort and progress in the process, rather than simply the result.

– Build children’s autonomy and sense of responsibility.

– Develop emotional regulation and interpersonal communication skills.

Reflection and Action

As parents, we need to honestly ask ourselves: Are our current parenting models enhancing our children’s future competitiveness or weakening their character and abilities?

The prestige of a prestigious school may bring children a temporary advantage, but what truly determines their future success are the character, abilities, and mindset cultivated in daily life.

Let’s let go of our obsession with “perfection” and give children more space for independent exploration. Let them learn to stand up through stumbles and falls, learn resilience through failure, and discover their potential through challenges.

Because true education is not about paving a smooth road for children, but about giving them feet capable of traversing any path.

Ringlepapa

PhD in Education, Positive Education Expert