分類: 家長園地

雙管齊下　孩子學得更快更好
Dual efforts lead to faster and better learning for children

撰文：教育專家羅煦鈞校長

 

我們都明白每一個學生都是獨立的個體，所以學習的速度都會不同。但如果有方法可以令孩子學得更快、更好，一定是家長以至老師都樂於見到的。如何讓小朋友學得更快更好，亦正是不少學者研究的課題。

 

其中一個影響孩子學習速度的關鍵，是他有多少的已有知識。已有知識即是孩子曾經學過，並且已經掌握了的知識，除了是他從前在學校學到的知識之外，在日常生活中學習得到的知識亦是其中的一部分。

 

學習如搭棚　逐步打好基礎

近代被受重視的心理學家維果茨基（Lev Vygotsky）認為，學習的過程就像建構「鷹架」一樣，都是由低至高、由小至大，用一根一根的金屬棒逐步搭建而成的。所謂「鷹架」，相當於中國人所建搭的棚架。當然，搭棚用的卻是竹枝。

 

用搭棚來形容學習，可以為我們帶來好幾個啓示。首先，打好基礎是重要的；其次，學習要一步一步來，假如一味求快而忽視了某些環節，知識亦不會牢固。再者，只要按步就班地努力學習，一定會累積得愈來愈多的知識。還有，不同人可以搭出不同形狀的竹棚，而知識亦不是一成不變的，會隨著時代發展而不斷演變。

Written by: Education Expert, Principal Kenneth Law

 

We all understand that each student is an independent individual, so the speed of learning varies. However, if there are methods that can make children learn faster and better, it is undoubtedly something both parents and teachers would be pleased to see. How to help children learn faster and better is also a topic of research for many scholars.

 

One key factor affecting the speed of a child’s learning is the amount of existing knowledge they possess. Existing knowledge refers to what the child has learned and mastered, not only the knowledge acquired in school but also part of the knowledge gained in daily life.

 

Learning is like building a scaffold, gradually laying a solid foundation

Lev Vygotsky, a modern psychologist highly regarded, believes that the learning process is like constructing a “scaffold,” progressing from low to high, from small to large, using one metal rod at a time. The term “scaffold” is equivalent to the bamboo scaffolding commonly used by the Chinese. Of course, in the context of learning, it’s metaphorical.

 

Describing learning as constructing a scaffold brings several insights. Firstly, laying a solid foundation is crucial. Secondly, learning must proceed step by step; if one rushes and neglects certain aspects, the knowledge won’t be firmly established. Furthermore, as long as one diligently learns step by step, they will surely accumulate more and more knowledge. Additionally, different individuals can construct different shapes of bamboo scaffolding, and knowledge is not static; it evolves continuously with the development of the times.

只要明白了維果茨基的學習理論，已有知識的重要性就不言而喻了。已有知識就像已經搭起來的竹棚，而新的知識就是在已經存在的竹棚上再加高和加大。已有知識愈多愈可靠，學習新事物就愈容易，不需要再顧東顧西，學習速度也就更快。

 

善用空餘時間　擴闊知識範圍

學生在學校學習的內容和所用時間分別不會很大，所以善用空餘時間，對提升孩子的學習表現便變得相對重要了。善用空餘時間並不等於多參加幾個訓練班或多做幾本補充，反而由於學校已經提供的全面而有系統的課程，空餘時間就更應該著重開拓更闊的知識範圍，讓「竹棚」的基礎變得更寬闊。

Once the learning theory of Vygotsky is understood, the importance of existing knowledge becomes self-evident. Existing knowledge is like a bamboo scaffold already constructed, and new knowledge is added on top of the existing scaffold, making it higher and larger. The more existing knowledge one has, the more reliable it becomes, and learning new things becomes easier. There’s no need to look around distractedly, and the learning speed becomes faster.

 

Make good use of spare time to broaden the scope of knowledge

The content learned and the time spent in school by students may not be extensive. Therefore, making good use of spare time becomes relatively important in enhancing a child’s academic performance. Making good use of spare time does not mean participating in more training classes or doing additional supplements. On the contrary, because schools already provide comprehensive and systematic courses, it is even more crucial to focus on expanding a broader range of knowledge during spare time, making the foundation of the “bamboo scaffold” broader.

看圖書、參觀博物館和展覽會、到自然教育徑旅行等，都能讓孩子增廣見聞，擴闊知識範圍。家長可以放手讓孩子擁有多一點主導權，選擇做他喜歡做的事。讓小朋友有選擇的空間，亦可以培養他自主學習的能力、自律和責任感，這對他的未來也是重要的。

Reading books, visiting museums and exhibitions, and traveling along nature trails can all broaden a child’s horizons and expand their range of knowledge. Parents can allow children to have more autonomy, letting them choose activities they enjoy. Providing children with the space to make choices can also cultivate their ability for self-directed learning, self-discipline, and a sense of responsibility, which are essential for their future.

拒絕忙忙忙 每天與子女建立親子關係
Reject the busyness: Build parent-child relationships every day

不論是在職家長或全職家庭主婦，每天都忙於工作、做家務和照顧子女等等。孩子每天放學後亦忙於做功課、補習和溫習默書考試，玩樂時間也不多，便要上床睡覺了。精神科專科黃宗顯醫生指出：「香港的家長和學生都很忙碌，但我們要學習在情緒或壓力爆發前『預先處理』，好好建立親子關係，家長每天設有親子時間好好與子女溝通，家長亦應照顧自己情緒，更有助子女表達內心。」

 

在忙碌的日常生活中，家長要先好好照顧自己，才能更好地照顧子女。黃醫生提出：「比起出現情緒問題才處理，『預先處理』更為重要。家長可與子女一起建立健康生活習慣，要有充足的休息時間。不少學生放學後仍要補習，又要溫習做功課，但適量的娛樂也是非常重要。如上述所言，每天親子溝通時間亦是必須的，一起做一些有趣的事情，例如一起做運動，不但可以建立優質親子時間，更能改善情緒。」

 

黃醫生表示：「家長應檢討自己的管教期望，按著子女的能力調適管教方法，以免讓孩子感到壓力。家長要明白每個孩子都會長大，想獨立自主，有自己的想法。家長可以了解孩子行為的背後原因，例如孩子不想上學或成績每況愈下，家長應了解背後會否是學習壓力過大，或孩子在學校面對了甚麼問題，與校方多溝通，嘗試為孩子的學習作出調整。」

Whether parents are working or full-time homemakers, they are busy every day with work, household chores, and taking care of their children. After school, children are also busy with homework, tutoring, and reviewing for exams. Leisure time is limited, and bedtime comes early. Dr. Wong Chung Hin, a specialist in psychiatry, points out, “Parents and students in Hong Kong are very busy, but we need to learn to ‘preprocess’ emotions or stress before they erupt, and establish a good parent-child relationship. Parents should set aside dedicated parent-child time every day to communicate with their children. Parents should also take care of their own emotions, which will help their children express their inner feelings.”

 

In the midst of busy daily life, parents need to take good care of themselves first in order to better care for their children. Dr. Wong suggests, “Rather than dealing with emotional problems after they arise, ‘preprocessing’ is more important. Parents can establish healthy habits with their children, ensuring they have sufficient rest. Many students have tutoring and homework to do after school, but a moderate amount of entertainment is also crucial. As mentioned earlier, daily parent-child communication time is necessary. Doing fun activities together, such as exercising, not only builds quality parent-child time but also improves emotions.”

 

Dr. Wong emphasizes, “Parents should review their disciplinary expectations, adjust disciplinary methods according to their children’s abilities to avoid putting too much pressure on them. Parents need to understand that every child will grow up, want to be independent, and have their own thoughts. Parents can understand the reasons behind their children’s behavior, such as not wanting to go to school or declining academic performance. Parents should investigate whether the underlying cause is excessive learning pressure and communicate with the school to make adjustments to their child’s learning.”

事實上，子女的情緒亦會受到家長自身情緒所影響。黃醫生解釋：「孩子出現情緒問題，部分可能是家族史影響。但從不少個案可見，出現情緒問題的孩子，其家長的情緒亦較差。家長要時刻留意自己的狀態，以免不適當地表達情緒，例如當家長不滿孩子的行為時，可能會情緒爆發破口大罵，這不但會影響親子關係，令孩子無所適從，往後害怕與父母溝通，更會影響家長自己的想法，負面定性孩子的行為是『唔聽話』、『扮嘢』及懶惰等。」

 

家長最常面對子女「叫極唔聽」，都會忍不住發怒。但黃醫生提醒：「在這些時候，家長不宜正面面對孩子，可找一個空間先冷靜自己，例如做一些慢呼吸練習，舒緩情緒。當家長冷靜過後，再面對孩子，了解孩子行為的背後原因。若家長無法控制情緒，反而會令事情更複雜，便很難再有機會與子女溝通。」

In fact, children’s emotions can be influenced by the emotions of their parents. Dr. Wong explains, “When children have emotional issues, it may be partly influenced by family history. However, in many cases, children with emotional problems have parents with poorer emotional well-being. Parents should always be aware of their own emotional states to avoid expressing emotions inappropriately. For example, when parents are dissatisfied with their children’s behavior, they may burst out in anger, which not only affects the parent-child relationship, making the child at a loss and afraid to communicate with their parents, but also influences the parents’ own perceptions, negatively characterizing the child’s behavior as ‘disobedient,’ ‘pretending,’ and lazy.”

 

Parents most commonly face the situation of children “not listening at all” and may find it hard to refrain from getting angry. However, Dr. Wong reminds, “During these times, parents should not confront their children directly. Instead, they can find a space to calm themselves, for example, by doing some slow breathing exercises to soothe their emotions. Once the parent has calmed down, they can then address the child and understand the underlying reasons for the child’s behavior. If parents cannot control their emotions, it will only complicate things and make it difficult to have a chance to communicate with their children.”

黃醫生建議：「每人性格都不同，處理壓力的方法亦不同。家長可與子女共同建立處理壓力的方法，不論是做運動、畫畫或聽音樂，好好休息，放鬆一下。但當家長發現子女情緒問題已持續一段長時間，或已影響日常生活，甚至出現傷害自己或萌生輕生念頭，家長應盡快帶子女尋求專業人士協助。」

 

黃醫生最後寄語家長：「現時很多家長都要上班工作，家長可以考慮每天放下工作片刻，將時間留給孩子，好好建立親子關係，享受親子時間。家長從而亦能留意孩子心理及情緒的轉變，遇上問題亦能及早察覺，以免誘發抑鬱症或焦慮症等情緒問題。」

Dr. Wong suggests, “Everyone has a different personality, and the methods for handling stress also vary. Parents can work together with their children to establish stress management methods, whether it’s through exercise, drawing, listening to music, taking a good rest, or simply relaxing. However, when parents notice that their child’s emotional issues have persisted for a prolonged period, or have started to affect daily life, and especially if there are signs of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, parents should seek professional assistance for their children as soon as possible.”


Dr. Wong concludes with a message to parents: “Many parents are currently juggling work commitments, but it’s important for parents to consider setting aside a moment each day, putting work aside, and dedicating time to their children to build a strong parent-child relationship and enjoy quality time together. This way, parents can also pay attention to any changes in their children’s mental and emotional well-being, detect problems early, and prevent the development of emotional issues such as depression or anxiety.”

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小朋友旅行先至病 點算好？
Children falling ill while traveling – What to do?

撰文：張傑醫生

 

每年年末也是快樂和痛苦的混合季節，痛苦可能是孩子要考試、在職父母忙著公司的年結。快樂的是有較長的假期，可以有時間去旅行休息。不過，不少父母其實心驚膽跳，原因是他們安排了與孩子出門，但是孩子如果這個時候才生病，該怎麼辦呢？

 

如果遇到的是意外或大病，旅行必然會取消的。最大問題的卻是孩子患上小病，但怕影響行程。首先，筆者建議要先「預防」。有些朋友會問，生病怎樣可預防呢？答案是可以的，只要嚴守出發前兩星期的時間。首先，筆者建議在出發前最少兩星期替孩子注射流感疫苗，因為疫苗需要半個月才可生效。在眾多發燒相關的疾病當中，只有流感是有疫苗可以注射的。

Written by : Doctor Cheung Kit

 

The year-end is a season of mixed emotions, with both joy and pain. The pain may come from children having exams or working parents being busy with the year-end matters for their companies. The joy lies in having a longer holiday, providing an opportunity for travel and relaxation. However, many parents are actually anxious because they have planned a trip with their children, and the concern arises: What if the child falls ill during this time?

 

If it’s an accident or a serious illness, the trip will inevitably be canceled. The bigger issue is when the child gets a minor illness, and there’s a fear it might affect the travel plans. First and foremost, the author suggests “prevention.” Some may wonder, how can illness be prevented? The answer is yes, as long as strict measures are taken in the two weeks before departure. Firstly, the author recommends getting the flu vaccine for the child at least two weeks before departure, as the vaccine takes half a month to take effect. Among many fever-related illnesses, only the flu has a vaccine that can be administered.

接著，在最常見的兒童簡單傳染病症中，例如病毒性腹瀉、上呼吸道感染、水痘和急性胃炎等，潛伏期一般在一星期內。所以，父母必須盡量避免孩子接觸這一類疾病的源頭，包括室內的遊樂中心、泳池、醫院和遊樂場等等。雖然手段較嚴苛，但是如果以旅行為目標，也要作出少許犧牲。再者，若是真的不幸在兩星期前染病，理論上也有足夠的時間可以復原。

 

如果不幸在出發前生病，第一當然是看醫生。當證實只是小毛病時，請留意以下5個重點：

 

1. 請醫生開足夠的藥物，直至旅程完畢

2. 如果藥物（例如液體的抗生素）是需要儲存在雪櫃中，就要考慮轉換酒店之間保存的問題

3. 請醫生準備病程和診斷結果的信或記錄在健康手冊中，以便當地醫護人員跟從

4. 如要擕帶液體的藥物上機，請先向航空公司查詢。在有需要時，醫生要預先用文字形式通知航空公司

5. 向售賣旅遊保險公司查詢有關當地看緊急醫療的安排

 

有時小朋友生病的確避無可避，不過總有東西可以配合的。

Next, among the most common simple infectious diseases in children, such as viral gastroenteritis, upper respiratory tract infections, chickenpox, and acute gastritis, the incubation period is generally within a week. Therefore, parents must try to avoid exposing their children to the sources of such diseases, including indoor play centers, swimming pools, hospitals, and playgrounds, among others. Although the measures may be stringent, if travel is the goal, some sacrifices may need to be made. Moreover, if unfortunately, the child falls ill within the two weeks before departure, theoretically, there should be enough time for recovery.


If the child falls ill just before the trip, the first thing to do is, of course, to see a doctor. When it is confirmed to be a minor ailment, pay attention to the following five points:


1.  Ask the doctor to prescribe enough medication until the end of the journey.

2.  If the medication (such as liquid antibiotics) needs to be stored in the refrigerator, consider the storage between hotels.

3. Ask the doctor to prepare a letter or record of the course and diagnosis results in the health handbook for local medical personnel to follow.

4. If you need to bring liquid medication on the plane, inquire with the airline first. When necessary, the doctor should notify the airline in writing in advance.

5. Inquire with the travel insurance company about local arrangements for emergency medical care.

 

Sometimes, children falling ill cannot be completely avoided, but there are always things that can be coordinated.

孩子面對壓力表現各不同 家長信任最重要
Children react differently to stress; parental trust is the most important

近日學生輕生新聞不斷，情況令人擔憂。作為父母，我們總會覺得大人要面對工作、家庭和生活開支，壓力比孩子大得多。但精神科專科黃宗顯醫生提醒：「臨床上可見，因壓力導致情緒困擾的個案有小學、中學及大學學生，家長應細心留意孩子的行為表現有否不同，耐心聆聽孩子的想法，不要太快作出批判。最重要相信孩子，讓孩子敢於表達自己。」

 

孩子面對壓力導致情緒出現問題的原因除了學習成績，更包括家人期望、朋輩相處、校園欺凌、家庭問題及家族史等。黃醫生憶述：「當面對親人離世，家人總會忙著處理身後事或各種儀式，忘了要照顧孩子的情緒。另外，亦有些孩子面對父母離異，或甚遭受虐待等，都會影響情緒。」

 

情緒變化各異 家長要留意

 

黃醫生續指：「部分孩子較懂得表達自己感受，但不少孩子都不會表達情緒，而隨著孩子年齡漸長，有些也不太願意與家人分享感受。所以家長及老師應要多加留意孩子的情緒、行為及表現有沒有變化。」

 

家長可留意以下表現：

1. 情緒流露在表情上，例如表現悶悶不樂、緊張、哭泣及難過等

2. 生活習慣變化，例如作息時間（失眠或睡不停）、胃口變化或經常困在房間等

3. 不願上學

4. 身體上的變化，例如肚瀉、肚痛，家長很容易會以為是健康出現問題，經深入了解後才知悉與情緒壓力有關

5. 出現自傷行為，包括打自己、𠝹手，或甚曾提及「唔想做人」等想法

In recent days, there have been continuous reports of students attempting suicide, a situation that is cause for concern. As parents, we often feel that adults face much greater pressure dealing with work, family, and financial issues than children do. However, Dr. Wong Chung Hin, a specialist in psychiatry, reminds us: “Clinically, cases of emotional distress due to stress are observed in primary, secondary, and university students. Parents should carefully observe any changes in their children’s behavior, patiently listen to their thoughts, and refrain from making hasty criticisms. The most important thing is to believe in your children and encourage them to express themselves.”

 

The reasons for emotional issues arising from stress in children go beyond academic performance and include family expectations, peer relationships, school bullying, family problems, and family history. Dr. Wong recalls, “When facing the death of a family member, relatives are often busy dealing with post-mortem matters or various rituals, forgetting to take care of the child’s emotions. In addition, some children experience their parents’ divorce or even abuse, which can also affect their emotions.”

 

Emotional changes vary, and parents need to be attentive

 

Dr. Wong further emphasizes, “Some children are more adept at expressing their feelings, but many do not know how to express their emotions. As children grow older, some are less willing to share their feelings with family. Therefore, parents and teachers should pay close attention to any changes in their children’s emotions, behavior, and performance.”

 

Parents should pay attention to the following signs: 

1.  Emotional expressions on the face, such as appearing gloomy, tense, crying, or sad.

2.  Changes in lifestyle habits, such as disruptions in sleep patterns (insomnia or excessive sleep), changes in appetite, or spending a lot of time isolated in their room.

3.  Unwillingness to go to school.

4.  Physical changes, such as diarrhea, and stomachaches. Parents might easily attribute these to health issues, but a deeper understanding reveals their connection to emotional stress.

5.  Self-harming behaviors, including self-hitting, cutting, or expressing thoughts like “I don’t want to live.”

每個孩子表達情緒的方法都不同，如果孩子出現上述情況只是短暫，壓力過去後便回復正常，這稱為「適應障礙症（Adjustment Disorder）」。但當情況持續，即使壓力過去後仍然出現，便應尋求專業人士協助。

 

孩子表達情緒問題 家長要先信任 勿輕易作批判

 

黃醫生表示這些情緒問題情況很多時會難以發現：「部分患者如上面所指，他不懂得表達自己的情況。但亦有部分是表達了，惟其家長或老師不認為有問題，不相信他，反而認為他不願上學是懶惰的表現。家長或照顧者聆聽孩子的問題後，要相信孩子，更不應輕易作批判。因為這亦關乎對情緒問題的意識，他們可能對情緒問題認知不足，不知道要如何處理。又或他們會擔心求助後，會遭受旁人負面標籤，而不敢求醫。」

Each child expresses emotions differently. If the child exhibits the above-mentioned signs only temporarily, returning to normal after the stress has passed, it is referred to as “Adjustment Disorder.” However, if the situation persists and continues even after the stress has subsided, seeking assistance from a professional is advisable.

 

When children have emotional expression issues, parents should start by trusting and not hastily criticizing

 

Dr. Wong points out that these emotional problems are often challenging to detect: “Some patients, as mentioned above, may not know how to express their feelings. However, there are also cases where they do express themselves, but their parents or teachers do not see it as a problem. They don’t believe the child and instead think that their reluctance to go to school is a sign of laziness. After listening to the child’s concerns, parents or caregivers should believe the child and avoid making hasty criticisms. This is also about raising awareness of emotional issues; they may have insufficient awareness and not know how to handle them. Alternatively, they may worry that seeking help will result in negative labels from others and be hesitant to seek medical attention.”

黃醫生提醒：「延遲治療可能會令病情更嚴重，甚至出現無法挽回的情況。有些家長擔心孩子去看醫生便要吃藥，又擔心藥物副作用等。但事實上藥物治療並非唯一的治療，需要先作評估，並可配合心理治療。另有不少個案會認為自己沒有事，又或過一段時間會自己痊癒，導致病情出現拖延。」

 

一旦孩子的情緒變化已持續發生一段時間、已影響日常生活，甚至出現傷害自己或萌生輕生念頭時，必須盡快求助。黃醫生最後亦提醒家長，若孩子閱讀近日有關輕生的新聞時，家長應陪伴在側，向他解釋這不是一個解決情緒問題的方法，以免孩子被新聞牽動情緒。

Dr. Wong warns, “Delaying treatment may worsen the condition, possibly leading to irreparable situations. Some parents worry that taking their child to see a doctor means resorting to medication and fear potential side effects. However, the truth is that medication is not the only form of treatment. It needs to be assessed first and can be complemented with psychological therapy. Many cases involve individuals who believe they are fine or expect to heal on their own after a while, leading to prolonged conditions.”

 

Once a child’s emotional changes have been occurring for a significant period, impacting daily life, or if thoughts of self-harm or suicide emerge, seeking help promptly is imperative. Dr. Wong also reminds parents that if a child reads news about suicide recently, parents should be by their side, explaining that this is not a solution to emotional problems, to prevent the news from affecting the child emotionally.

籌備報讀小一時的四大部署
The four major preparations for enrolling in first grade

資料來源：資深親職教育專家 Bally

 

其實升小一真的要比較緊張和多花一點時間準備。問我的話我會建議PN開始就應該要「先分析，後部署」。但如何先分析呢？

 

其實很多家長都不太清楚香港有幾多種類型的學校，例如原來我們有傳統的政府派位學校、直資學校、私立學校和國際學校，究竟這幾種學校的分別是甚麼？他們的教學理念是甚麼？其實家長的經濟環境或他們期望的理想是入讀哪一類學校？

 

他們要先了解和分析，就會有一個目標。有了一個目標後，我們會進入下一步，真真正正地親自聽每一間學校的理念。為甚麼我們覺得PN開始就要準備呢？因為原來學校很多時候每年只會進行一次簡介會。這些簡介會很多時候會在同一時間舉行，如果我們在K.2那年才去聽，但我們心儀有三間學校，都撞正在同一個星期六同一個時段舉行，家長就已經聽不到。

Source: Senior Parenting Education Expert Bally

 

In fact, preparing for the transition to first grade can be more stressful and time-consuming. If you were to ask me, I would recommend that parents should start from Pre-Nursery to “analyze first and then plan.” But how to analyze first?

 

Many parents are not entirely clear about the various types of schools in Hong Kong. For instance, we have traditional government-subsidized schools, Direct Subsidy Scheme (DSS) schools, private schools, and international schools. What are the differences between these types of schools? What are their educational philosophies? What is the ideal type of school for parents based on their financial situation and aspirations?

 

They should first understand and analyze this, which will give them a goal. Once they have a goal, we can move on to the next step, which is to personally attend the orientation sessions of each school. Why do we believe that parents should start preparing from Pre-Nursery (PN)? Because many schools often hold orientation sessions only once a year. These orientation sessions often occur at the same time. If we wait until the year of K.2 to attend these sessions, and we are interested in three different schools, and all of them schedule their sessions on the same Saturday at the same time, parents may miss out.

第二就是原來這些簡介會，會有很多人報名，但只有數百至一千個名額。而他們只是進行一天，那一天內原來有五千多人報名。當有五千多人報名時，可能你會抽不到，就沒有機會去聽，所以我們要準備前一至三年的時間，考慮學校的理念是否合適自己的小朋友。

 

如果我們已經在頭一兩年都聽得七七八八，聽過了自己心儀學校的簡介會。到了最後一年，我們就要找回自己最理想的一至三間再聽多次，因為近年香港的教學改變得很快，而且也很多。如果我們再聽多次，便有助肯定自己心儀的學校。

 

很多時候第一次去聽的可能是媽媽，第二次去聽的是爸爸，我們的家庭一定要一致，所以大家去聽理念是很重要的。如果大家都有機會理解到，就要進入第三個部署，家裡人坐下來商量究竟我們想小朋友未來擁有教育的方向是怎樣？我們究竟想要很傳統的教學方法？還是想要很開心？現在有些學校叫Happy School，亦有很多家長以為Happy School，就等於可能未必有成效。

 

其實現在有兩大類的Happy School，有些Happy School只有開心，但到時候是追不到小一進度，有些Happy School開心之餘有成效，到時他有足夠的能力可以挑選自己心儀的學校。因為他入讀到心儀的學校還能追得上，所以家長要了解甚麼叫Happy School，他們的教學理念和成效如何。

Secondly, it’s important to note that these orientation sessions have limited spots. While many people may sign up, there are often only a few hundred to a thousand slots available. During the course of a single day, there may be over 5,000 registrations. With such high demand, it’s possible not to secure a spot, which means you won’t have the opportunity to attend. This is why we need to prepare one to three years in advance, considering whether the school’s philosophy is suitable for your child.

 

If you have been attending orientation sessions for your preferred schools for the first one or two years, by the final year, you should revisit your top one to three choices multiple times. This is because educational changes in Hong Kong happen rapidly and frequently. By attending multiple sessions, you can confirm your preferred school.

 

In many cases, the first time someone attends may be the mother, and the second time, it may be the father. It’s essential for the family to be in agreement, so attending orientation sessions together to understand the school’s philosophy is crucial. Once everyone has a shared understanding, you can move on to the third step, where the family sits down to discuss the direction of your child’s education. What kind of education do you envision for your child’s future? Do you want a very traditional teaching method, or do you want a happy one? Some schools are called “Happy School,” but many parents mistakenly think that a “Happy School” may not be effective.

 

In fact, there are two major categories of “Happy School” now. Some “Happy Schools” focus solely on happiness, but their curriculum may not align with the first-grade curriculum. Others combine happiness with effectiveness, and students from these schools have the ability to select their preferred schools because they can keep up with the first-grade curriculum. Therefore, parents need to understand what a “Happy School” is, what their teaching philosophy is, and how effective they are.

當父母達成共識時，我們就要開始真真正正地，挑選一間最適合小朋友的學校。有很多時候父母會選擇最好的學校給小朋友，因為那間是最好的，但其實最好未必是最適合。我們身為父母其實要找一間最適合小朋友的學校，舉一個例子如果小朋友很好動，家長很多時候會覺得我是否要找一間比較傳統的，綁緊他，希望他坐定一點。如果他像「甩繩馬騮」是不行的。又或有些小朋友的英文不太好，我是否應該找一間英文小學給他讀呢？或是否應該找國際學校給他讀呢？

 

其實大家可以想想如果當那間學校由小一開始，他的學習能力根本未到達學校的主要要求，小朋友根本就不會想上學。如果一個小朋友不擅長英文，擅長中文，而他選了一間英文小學，小朋友根本聽不懂老師說甚麼，他對英文完全沒有興趣。即是我們叫那個小朋友根本不需要來上課，因為他不會學習到老師說的東西，英文一科可以拖垮整個學業及他整個學習興趣。

 

家長會問如何為之正確？我們用一個大塘小魚或小塘大魚來分析，如果我們讓一個小朋友讀一間學校，他在學習能力和成績方面都是在這間學校的中上等級。小朋友在整個學習過程中自信心會提升，他不會被比下去。但如果讀一間我們認為很好的學校或是名校，但小朋友的能力根本讀不了，可能會墊底，就會變成大塘的小魚。小朋友在學習過程中，往往都會很不開心，可能被人看輕。

Once parents reach a consensus, it’s time to truly and thoroughly select the school that is most suitable for the child. Many times, parents may choose the best school for their child because it’s considered the best. However, what is considered the best may not necessarily be the most suitable. As parents, our goal should be to find a school that is the best fit for our child. For example, if a child is very active, parents may wonder whether they should choose a more traditional school that enforces discipline and expects students to sit still. But what if the child is like a “wild horse” and sitting still is not their nature? Or if a child struggles with English, should they attend an English primary school, or should they go to an international school?

 

In reality, consider this: if a child’s learning abilities are far from meeting the school’s primary requirements, they may not even want to go to school. If a child is weak in English and strong in Chinese but chooses an English primary school, they might not understand what the teacher is saying, and they would have no interest in English at all. In this case, you could argue that the child doesn’t need to attend school because they won’t grasp what the teacher is teaching, and their poor performance in English could negatively impact their overall academic progress and their interest in learning.

 

Parents often ask how to make the right choice. To analyze this, let’s use the analogy of a small fish in a big pond versus a big fish in a small pond. If a child attends a school where their learning abilities and performance are in the middle to upper range within that school, their confidence will increase, and they won’t feel inferior to their peers. However, if they attend a school considered “good” or prestigious but their abilities are not up to par, they may struggle and feel like a small fish in a big pond. In this scenario, the child is likely to be unhappy throughout their learning journey and may feel underestimated. 

所以我會建議家長首先如何選一間合適的學校，你要先理解學校的理念，看看學校小一後的程度，你的小朋友在這方面是否合適。在英文、中文、數學方面，是否有足夠能力掌握。如果你覺得都可以的，小朋友現在就正在做這樣事情，他完全應付得到這間就是合適你的學校。

So, I would recommend that parents, first and foremost, understand how to choose a suitable school. You need to comprehend the school’s educational philosophy and evaluate the academic standards for students after they enter first grade to determine if your child is a good fit in terms of English, Chinese, and mathematics. If you believe that your child can handle these aspects well and is already coping with them, then this school is likely the right fit for your child.

做一個多表情、姿勢的父母！
Be a parent with multiple expressions and poses!

撰文：GLP 全力愛創辦人兼義務總幹事 林何佩儀

 

孩子在 6 個多月大的時候牙牙學語，不停地發出聲音和單字，還喜歡玩有聲音的玩具。但他們在未學會說話前，其實已懂得用啼哭、聲音、面部表情、手勢或身體語言來與身邊的人溝通。事實上，幼兒是先學習以表情和手勢與人溝通，接著學習口語溝通，最後便學習以文字溝通。因此，準確認知他人的表情，有助於判斷他人的情緒和態度，從而影響孩子的認知能力發展、情緒及社交能力的發展。而父母的面部表情、動作和姿勢，往往都是最吸引孩子的。

 

孩子會對父母的表情和情緒，作出觀察和反應。例如溫柔的表情可使他們放心與你溝通、微笑能加強孩子表達的信心、當父母點頭示意則表示接納。透過這些發展，使幼兒逐漸了解、學會和關心人的情感。而表達情緒的身體部位各有不同，可以把表情分為面部表情、身段表情和語言表情三種。

 

要建立良好的親子溝通，家長有幾方面需要注意：

 

1. 當孩子還未能清楚看到父母的表情，建議可多用行動替代說話來回應，例如抱緊他、親親他、撥動他的頭髮，或者輕輕撫摸他的臉蛋，這些都是說話以外的另一種是語言溝通的重要方式。

Written: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion, Lam Ho Pui Yee

 

When a child is around 6 months old, they start babbling, constantly making sounds and single words. They also enjoy playing with toys that make sounds. However, even before they learn to speak, they already understand how to communicate with the people around them using crying, sounds, facial expressions, gestures, or body language. In fact, children first learn to communicate with people using facial expressions and gestures, then they learn verbal communication, and finally, they learn to communicate through text. Therefore, accurately recognizing other people’s facial expressions helps in assessing their emotions and attitudes, thus influencing a child’s cognitive development, emotional development, and social skills. Parents’ facial expressions, actions, and postures are often what children find most attractive.

 

Children observe and respond to their parents’ facial expressions and emotions. For example, a gentle expression can make them feel comfortable communicating with you, a smile can boost a child’s confidence in expressing themselves, and a nod from parents indicates acceptance. Through these developments, children gradually understand, learn, and care about people’s emotions. Different parts of the body express emotions in various ways, and expressions can be categorized into facial expressions, body expressions, and verbal expressions.

 

To establish good parent-child communication, parents need to pay attention to several aspects:

 

1．When children cannot clearly see their parents’ facial expressions, it is recommended to use actions as a substitute for speech responses. For example, hugging them tightly, giving them a kiss, gently stroking their hair, or gently touching their cheeks are all important non-verbal communication methods.

2. 父母若能落實在生活中，扮演一個有童心和多表情的父母，這樣孩子就能從父母的面部表情上，學會豐富的情感和表達技巧，將來必定一生受用不盡。

 

 

3. 不少親子相處型態是「不互動」— 雖然在一起，但沒有眼神接觸、對話、交換訊息或動作，更沒有分享情緒，因為大家都在看電視、電腦和手機，或各做各的事情。眼神接觸可訓練專注力，所以常用關心的眼神注視對方，聆聽對方分享，是良好的溝通條件之一。

2. If parents can embody a childlike and expressive role in their daily lives, children can learn a wealth of emotions and expressive skills from their parents’ facial expressions. This will undoubtedly benefit them throughout their lives.

 

 

3. Many parent-child interaction patterns involve “non-interaction” – even though they are together, there is no eye contact, conversation, message exchange, or actions, and there is no emotional sharing because everyone is watching TV, using the computer and phones, or doing their own things. Eye contact can train focus, so regularly gazing at each other with caring eyes and listening to each other’s sharing is one of the conditions for good communication.

4. 營造清靜簡單的環境，有助孩子集中精神，當他們清楚看到你的表情，才算得上是真正的全面溝通。所以，當溝通時適宜關掉發聲的物品，包括電視機、平板電腦，或拿走他心愛的玩具。

 

父母在孩子成長的路途上，願意給予無條件的愛和充足的溝通空間，讓孩子覺得被接受時，他們方能破繭而出。孩子都喜歡父母欣賞自己，所以鼓勵的效果往往比較大，無論眼神還是說話，都可以多用。

4. Creating a quiet and simple environment helps children concentrate. True and comprehensive communication happens when they can clearly see your facial expressions. Therefore, it’s appropriate to turn off sound-producing items like the TV, tablet, or take away their beloved toys during communication.


On the journey of a child’s growth, parents who are willing to provide unconditional love and ample communication space make children feel accepted, allowing them to break free from their cocoon. Children love it when their parents appreciate them, so encouragement often has a greater impact, whether through eye contact or speech; both can be used more frequently.

病咗唔食藥，等自己好返之後就有抗體？
Did not take medicine when sick,
waiting for the body to recover on its own and then develop antibodies?

資料來源：兒科專科醫生趙長成

 

小朋友生病時，部分家長會十分緊張，馬上帶小朋友看醫生或者餵藥。但亦有部分家長會覺得小朋友靜待一陣子就會自然痊癒。實際上，這說法某程度上是正確的，例如輕微的疾病如傷風、咳嗽那些，讓他靜待後會留下一些抗體，可以保護下次免受感染。但家長要注意並非所有疾病都適用。

 

如果一些菌是強勁的，靜待自然痊癒就會出事了，譬如肺炎鏈球菌或腦膜炎雙球菌，一旦感染後24小時內，10人中就有1位死亡。就算不至於死亡，也有1至2位可能也會終生殘廢，或併發後遺症。所以是否靜待自己痊癒，就要視乎那個病是輕微抑或嚴重。

Source：Pediatric Specialist Doctor, Chiu Cheung Shing

 

When children get sick, some parents may become very anxious and immediately take their child to the doctor or give them medicine. However, some parents believe that if they wait for a while, the child will naturally recover. In reality, this approach is somewhat correct to a certain extent. For mild illnesses like the common cold or cough, allowing the child to rest can help them develop some antibodies that can protect them from future infections. However, parents should be aware that not all illnesses can be treated this way.

 

For some strong bacteria, waiting for a natural recovery can be dangerous. For example, with bacteria like Streptococcus pneumoniae or Neisseria meningitidis, if you wait for natural recovery, there can be serious consequences. Within 24 hours of infection, 1 in 10 people may die. Even if death doesn’t occur, 1 to 2 individuals may end up with lifelong disabilities or complications. So whether you wait for natural recovery or not depends on whether the illness is mild or severe.

第二，就一些病而言，就算醫生能斷症，藥物的效果都未必那麼快發揮。如剛才提及的肺炎鏈球菌，有時也有抗藥性，所以都是母親說的那句「病向淺中醫」，醫生就不一定給予藥物，最重要看就是你有否出現併發症，有否一些潛危機。

 

反而吃藥就是徵狀治療，這裡未必是最重要的，是否靜待自己痊癒，就是看你是否幸運。如果只是輕微的疾病，你靜待自己痊癒是沒問題的，但如果是嚴重的疾病，就可能會帶來遺憾。所以在醫生立場，則永遠認為謹慎一點較好，即是生命永遠不要用來作賭博。

Secondly, in the case of some illnesses, even if a doctor can diagnose the condition, the effects of medication may not necessarily be immediate. As mentioned earlier, with bacteria like Streptococcus pneumoniae, there can sometimes be antibiotic resistance. That’s why there’s a saying that “diseases are shallow in Chinese medicine.” Doctors may not always prescribe medication; what’s most important is whether you develop complications or have any hidden risks.


On the other hand, taking medication is symptom management, which may not always be the most critical factor. Whether you wait for natural recovery depends on your luck. If it’s just a mild illness, waiting for natural recovery is fine, but if it’s a severe illness, it could lead to regrets. So from a doctor’s perspective, it’s always better to be cautious, meaning that life should never be used as a gamble.

孩子不願上學的原因和方法
The reasons for a child’s reluctance to go to school

資料來源：精神科專科醫生梁婉珊

 

在數個月前，一位女孩子開始不願上學，最初只是不願上學而已，但過了數個星期後她便躲在房間裡，飲食和睡覺都出現了問題，之後更變得很煩躁，有一些負面思想，甚至不能呼吸、呼吸不順以及開始有些緊張，晚上又不睡覺，又要媽媽陪她，但她的媽媽都要上班，不能處理便來求診。孩子不願上學令很多家長都感到很焦急，因為不上課一兩天仍可接受，但一至兩個月不上學便開始跟不上，而且亦沒有參與考試，可能會留班，所以這是很多家長感到很頭痛的問題。

 

其實不上學只是一個表癥，最重要是要了解背後的原因。這個是真的需要深入了解，一般不上學是可以分幾個原因的，可能是社交出現問題、被欺凌，也可能是他本來就很害羞，其他人都不理睬他，令他難以接受。但亦可能是因為學業問題，又或是有專注力不足的問題。另外他可能被焦慮或抑鬱症問題困擾著，有些個案可能過了數年也沒人發現。

 

若沒有及時處理以上問題，到了最後便爆發起來，他真的受不了便不願意上學。小朋友不願上學，亦有可能是家中的原因、家庭的關係或Family Dynamics (家庭動力)產生了變化，令他用不願上學來引起家長注意。

Source:  Psychiatrist, Dr. Leung Yuen Shan

 

Several months ago, a girl began refusing to go to school. Initially, it was just a reluctance to attend school, but after a few weeks, she started hiding in her room, experiencing issues with eating and sleeping. Later on, she became very irritable, had negative thoughts, and even had difficulty breathing, shortness of breath, and started feeling anxious. She also couldn’t sleep at night and wanted her mom to be with her, but her mother had to work and couldn’t stay with her, so she sought medical advice. A child’s refusal to attend school is causing a lot of anxiety for many parents. Skipping school for a day or two may be acceptable, but not attending for one to two months can result in falling behind in studies, and the child may miss exams, potentially leading to grade retention. This is a problem that many parents find distressing.

 

In fact, not attending school is just a symptom, and the most important thing is to understand the underlying reasons. There can be several reasons for not attending school, such as social issues, bullying, shyness, academic problems, or attention deficit problems. Additionally, anxiety and depression could be bothering the child, and in some cases, it may go unnoticed for years.

 

If these issues are not addressed in a timely manner, they can build up, and the child may eventually become unable to cope and refuse to go to school. A child’s reluctance to attend school can also be linked to family issues, changes in family dynamics, or changes in the home environment as a way to seek attention.”

這幾種原因都有機會引致他不上學，我們最重要是不要馬上跳到總結，下一個結論。若家長直指是他懶惰，不願面對、想逃避，所以才不願上學，這樣小朋友會有更大的壓力。反而我們要用同理心的角度，協助小孩慢慢拆解，但很多時候難度就是他們未必願意說出口，因為他們自己也未必知道原因。你問他，他又不會說出來，或者他會回答你說不知道，令家長便很難處理。家長不要這樣就放棄，也不要用一個批評的方式。

 

家長千萬不要過分強迫他，盡量用朋友方式的態度和他傾談，引導他說出背後的原因，他面對的難題是在哪個範疇。因為當你掌握這件事的資訊是非常重要，你強迫他，他便會關起來，甚麼也不跟你說，之後會更加難處理。因為我也遇過很多個案，你強迫他，試過怎樣都要拉他上學，之後真的帶他到學校去，其後孩子便責怪父母為何要拉他上學，令他之後這麼害怕。

 

首先我們不要做一些很激烈的動去強迫他，嘗試了解他背後的原因。如果他開始逐漸願意說話，那就是一個good sign（好的訊號）。但如果覺得力不從心，好像打不開他的口，但他真的愈來愈抗拒上學，那時候我們建議你尋求專業人士的協助，協助你找出問題的原因。

These various reasons could all lead to him not going to school. The most important thing for us is not to jump to conclusions and the next judgment. If parents point out directly that he is lazy, unwilling to face, and wants to avoid going to school, it will only put more pressure on the child. Instead, we should approach it with empathy and help the child gradually break down the issue. Many times, the difficulty lies in the fact that they may not be willing to speak out because they may not even know the reasons themselves. When you ask him, he won’t say, or he may answer that he doesn’t know, which can be challenging for parents. Parents should not give up in this situation, and they should not use a critical approach.


Parents must not excessively force him. Try to have a conversation with him in a friendly manner and guide him to reveal the underlying reasons and the specific challenges he faces. Because it is crucial to have this information, if you force him, he will shut down and not communicate with you, making it even more challenging later on. I’ve encountered many cases where parents tried everything to get their child to school, and when they finally did, the child blamed their parents for forcing them to go to school, which made them even more afraid later.


First, we should avoid using intense actions to force him and try to understand the reasons behind his behavior. If he starts to gradually open up and talk, that’s a good sign. But if you feel that it’s too difficult to get through to him, and he’s becoming increasingly resistant to going to school, that’s when we recommend seeking professional help to identify the root causes of the problem.

幼稚園快樂 小學呢？
Happy kindergarten, how about elementary school?

撰文：八爪魚家長梁永樂先生

 

聽過不少家長訴說，幼稚園三年之中，最大陰影就是升小，到底要為孩子做多少﹖要不要安排面試班，要不要惡補英文或禮貌（沒有寫錯，坊間真的有訓練班惡補禮貌）。或者十八般武藝之中，要有十六般武藝就夠嗎﹖還是要學習冷門的技能，務求突圍而出呢，例如學習魔術、雜技一類。家長與小孩都忙記了享受快樂的親子時間，尤其當一切活動都有目的時，心態亦隨之而改變，孩子可能對興趣班已不再感興趣。

 

父母擔心選擇心儀小學  製作履歷表

尤其 K3 學生踏入 6 月的「報校旺季」，家長與孩子面對抉擇，要報 10 間還是 8 間小學，作為爸爸，你很希望只報讀一至兩間心儀小學，但你會否擔當得起「阿仔無書讀」的責任呢？

Written by: Octopus parent, Mr. Leung Wing Lok.

 

I’ve heard many parents share their experiences, and within the three years of kindergarten, the biggest concern is the transition to elementary school. How much should be done for the child? Should interview classes be arranged? Should extra English lessons or etiquette coaching (not a typo, there are actually training classes for etiquette) be arranged? Among the myriad of skills, is having sixteen talents out of eighteen enough? Or should the child learn niche skills to stand out, like magic tricks or acrobatics? Both parents and children are busy enjoying quality bonding time, especially when every activity has a purpose. As a result, attitudes change, and the child might lose interest in extracurricular classes.

 

Parents worry about selecting the preferred elementary school and creating resumes.

Especially for K.3 students entering the “peak school application season” in June, parents and children face the decision of whether to apply to 10 or 8 elementary schools. As a father, you may hope to only apply to one or two preferred elementary schools, but can you bear the responsibility of “not providing enough education” for your child?

另一難題肯定是製作履歷表，到底要有多精美呢﹖不少學校都表明最多只收 4 頁紙，但眼見其他家長為孩子撰寫的「工作報告」厚如招股書、精美程度直逼蘋果電腦的簡介書。你望一望孩子，不見得他特別醒，也不是超級「靚仔」，你夠膽只做 4 頁履歷表嗎﹖

 

「升小」與「做人」的抉擇

最矜貴的不是「學術表現」有多佳，而是學會與人相處、禮貌，當然我最感激是老師特別指導我的兒子「要愛爸爸，爸爸努力工作」，令我在孩子心目中由「成日唔見的人」，而變成「珍惜見到的人」。這些教育對於升小，未必有幫助，但這是親子之間一生一世珍而重之的價值。

 

回想一下，幼稚園專門培育你的孩子「升小」，還是「做人」，同樣問題，身為家長的你，教育孩子是目的只為「升小」嗎？

Another challenge is undoubtedly creating the resume, how elaborate should it be? Many schools explicitly state that they accept a maximum of only 4 pages, but you see other parents’ “work reports” for their children that are as thick as prospectuses, with an exquisite level of presentation rivaling Apple’s brochures. You glance at your child, he might not stand out particularly, nor is he an incredibly handsome “lad.” Do you have the courage to limit the resume to just 4 pages?


The choice between “entering elementary school” and “becoming a person.”

What’s most precious isn’t how outstanding the “academic performance” is, but rather the ability to interact with others, to be polite. Of course, what I’m most grateful for is when the teacher specifically instructed my son to “love Daddy, Daddy works hard,” transforming me in my child’s eyes from a “rarely seen person” to a “cherished person to meet.” These teachings might not necessarily aid in entering elementary school, but they hold everlasting value in the parent-child relationship.


Reflecting back, did kindergarten primarily cultivate your child for “entering elementary school,” or for “becoming a person”? Facing the same question, as a parent, is your goal of educating your child solely for the purpose of “entering elementary school”?

易地而處 幸福婚姻保鮮法
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Fresh-Keeping Method for a Happy Marriage.

撰文 : CEO親子教室創辦人及資深心理輔導員梁紅玉女士



有位太太說：「妳真令人羨慕，妳的丈夫都怕了妳！」她的朋友聽到她這一番話後，便向她說笑：「妳想丈夫怕妳，只要妳扮鬼嚇他，不就可以了嗎？但是否要扮鬼嚇他，讓他怕妳呢？妳會覺得婚姻會因此變得幸福嗎？」



首先，我們要明白怎樣才是「幸福的婚姻」。婚姻不獨只有自己 happy，幸福的婚姻需要有三大要素：能彼此包容、能有親密關係、能和諧共處。


 

夫妻多考慮自我　阻礙溝通


筆者面對很多夫婦來求助時，透過檢視婚姻狀況的過程，找出當中的問題，發現大多的夫妻無法勝過「自我」，又或者是個人品格所引起的問題，因而阻礙了彼此的溝通。大多數的女士表示，對丈夫「安全感」不足；而男士方面，卻表示得不到妻子「尊重」的感覺。

Written by: Founder of Parent-Child Classroom and Senior Psychological Counselor, Ms. Leung Hung Yuk

 

A lady said, “You’re truly enviable – your husband is even afraid of you!” Upon hearing this remark from her friend, she playfully responded, “If you want your husband to fear you, just pretend to be a ghost and scare him, wouldn’t that work? But do you really want to scare him like that, making him afraid of you? Do you think the marriage will become happy because of that?”

 

Firstly, we need to understand what makes a “happy marriage.” A marriage isn’t solely about individual happiness; a happy marriage requires three key elements: mutual acceptance, intimacy, and harmonious coexistence.

 

Couples’ Self-Consideration Hinders Communication

When faced with many couples seeking assistance, I find that through examining the state of their marriage and identifying the underlying issues, most couples struggle with their own “self.” Personal traits can also contribute to problems that obstruct communication. Many women express that their husbands lack a sense of “security,” while on the other hand, men often feel they are not receiving the “respect” they deserve from their wives.

其實，一段婚姻是否幸福，與二人的感受反應和行為回饋有密切關係。因為二人各自被許多已有的信念、思想主導和影響著。當進入婚姻中，必需先調整個人的心態和信念，才能以正面的態度，處理婚姻中各種大小問題。

 

多考慮對方處境　反省自己

有一次，筆者在外工作回港，因時間已很晚，打算隨意找一間餐廳用膳就算了，但丈夫與兒子走了數間餐館仍未有所決定。筆者於是向丈夫表示不滿，當他看到筆者面色一沉，自然他也以沉默對抗，結果整頓晚飯，大家都是各自沉默地各自吃，當時心感丈夫的氣度亦未免太小，於是心感不平，氣難下。

 

翌日起床後，筆者再安靜反思，丈夫的需要是甚麼呢？其實近來他工作壓力也不少，令包容及忍耐力也弱了，當面對太太不領情的回應，自然難受。於是筆者當下向丈夫發了一個電郵，對他表達關懷。

 

在婚姻裡，又有哪一對夫妻從來沒有衝突過呢？夫妻之間有問題並不重要，但如何處理問題才是最重要。當你願意內省及願意去檢視自己時，過往目中只有「我的感受」，原來將「自我的感受」縮細時，你會看到周圍及對方的需要。

In fact, the happiness of a marriage is closely related to the feelings, reactions, and behavioral feedback of the two individuals involved. This is due to the fact that both people’s existing beliefs and thoughts have an impact. When entering into marriage, it’s necessary to adjust one’s mindset and beliefs first in order to approach various issues in the marriage with a positive attitude.

 

Considering Each Other’s Situations and Reflecting on Oneself

Once, while I was working outside and returned home late, I intended to just find any restaurant to have a meal due to the late hour. However, my husband and son had visited several restaurants and still hadn’t made a decision. I expressed my displeasure to my husband, and when he saw my expression turn sour, he naturally responded with silence in return. As a result, during that dinner, we all ate silently on our own. I felt my husband’s reaction was somewhat petty, which left me feeling unsatisfied and irritated.

 

The next morning, upon reflection, I pondered on my husband’s perspective. What did he need in that situation? Lately, he had been under a lot of work stress, which had worn down his patience and tolerance. Faced with my unresponsive reaction, he naturally felt uncomfortable. So, I decided to send him an email expressing my concern.

 

In a marriage, which couple has never had conflicts? The existence of problems between spouses is not important; what truly matters is how you handle those problems. When you’re willing to introspect and examine yourself, and when you expand beyond your own feelings, you’ll discover the needs of those around you and your partner.

幸福婚姻保鮮法就是「你」「我」都 happy。當你願意包容對方的弱點時，正面地接納配偶，自然拉近彼此距離，婚姻的承載能力自然增強。

 

討論：你可以分享與配偶相處的心得嗎？

The “Fresh-Keeping Method for a Happy Marriage” is about both “you” and “me” being happy. When you’re willing to embrace your partner’s weaknesses and positively accept your spouse, it naturally brings you closer and enhances the resilience of the marriage.

 

Discussion: Could you share your experiences in dealing with your spouse?

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